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Thought we were getting somewhere!

(4 Posts)
tess1pink Mon 03-Oct-16 19:02:48

I have posted before about this guy things seemed to had settled down. We have had the most amazing summer always planning 'an adventure' as he would call our weekends out and I know he has enjoyed it. I have finally really felt like his girlfriend. Dating him for 13 months now we're in our 50's. In the beginning he would say stuff like when he leaves me and how sad it will be when we part. I ignored him but it down to him being extremely insecure (his long term g/f left him for their friend) and I'm told this hurt him very badly indeed. Saturday he treated me again to a wonderful gift. I thanked him but said that he didn't have to buy me anything. He told me later that if he didn't want to give me gifts he wouldn't and that he knew I appreciated them and have never asked for anything. So it was his pleasure. Then he added in a jovial kind of voice "and when we have our conversation (never had a relationship conversation to define the relationship) I want you to keep these things I do not want them back". I just replied and when will this conversation happen" I know I should have asked what conversation. He replied " well we're away next weekend we have that booked then we've booked away for new years eve so its planned up to then" after that we'll see what adventures we have". I don't know why I didn't continue the conversation I think the food came of which I could no longer eat! Nothing else was said and he was the perfect gentleman as always for the rest of the night. I know the simple answer is to ask him but I really don't want this to end although I am in a constant state of anxiety over our relationship only stops when I am with him this is because I don't know what he wants from our relationship. Should I take him seriously? He has said these things before and we're still together...or is it his own insecurity causing him to say such things. It doesn't make too much sense if he wanted to end it he could and I believe would now irrespective of any bookings or adventures already booked! Any views?

FetchezLaVache Mon 03-Oct-16 19:24:23

Christ, he sounds like hard work! You suggest it's his own insecurity, but when you say things like you can't eat the meal you'd just ordered and are in a constant state of anxiety over him, I'd say it's your insecurity button that's being pushed, and I'd guess that's exactly what he intends. He talks about your relationship ending in terms of when, not if- he's effectively constantly threatening to pull the plug and, who knows, maybe that gets you on your best (unchallenging) behaviour. For instance, you say you daren't ask him in case that precipitates the inevitable dumping!

13 months in, it shouldn't be such hard work. I'd return his gift and walk, tbh.

WhatsGoingOnEh Mon 03-Oct-16 19:27:43

He's doing this deliberately, to keep you in a state of people-pleasing terror. He dangles the Sword of Damacles above your head so you never relax.

He's a bit of a dick, I'm afraid.

Next time, I think you should agree wholeheartedly. Nod sagely.

TheNaze73 Mon 03-Oct-16 20:52:57

It's an ancient tactic demonstrating that he could walk at any time. Game playing bollocks

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