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Should I be worried and pissed off about this post-Proposal Debacle?

(10 Posts)
gillybeandramaqueen Mon 03-Oct-16 17:28:32

This is further to my previous post 'Proposal Debacle' from a few weeks back.

So several times in the past few weeks, quite a few actually, my fiance has called me 'mate' during a conversation. Not in the same conversation but in many different conversations. Then he says 'sorry' straightaway as he hasn't meant to call me 'mate'. He is a builder and works on a building site so I am trying not to be too harsh on him.

BUT. Does this mean he is not really talking to / listening to me? Has he totally tuned out from me? Should I be worried? Is he tuning out from our relationship?

Sorry for crap post. If you have read this, thank you very much!

TheWildRumpyPumpus Mon 03-Oct-16 17:32:46

DH calls me Mummy half the time even when the kids aren't around - it's just habit although not exactly bodice-rippingly romantic.

If he knows it really upsets you and keeps doing it, even during 'proper conversation' rather than casual chat then I'd be having words!

acornsandnuts Mon 03-Oct-16 17:35:29

My DH of 20 years does this occasionally and quickly corrects himself. I don't mind at all it's just a familiar term that sometimes crosses over. I would be far more offended if he called me darrrling all the time.

Cary2012 Mon 03-Oct-16 17:37:42

Didn't read previous thread, so don't know back story.

As a 'one off' it seems ok, probably uses 'mate' all day on site, and it's a habit, he quickly apologises so recognises it, which suggests he is listening to you.

I get called 'mum' a lot instead of 'miss' at work by the kids, especially the new year 7s! It doesn't mean anything.

I guess the big question is if this is your only worry?

Ginkypig Mon 03-Oct-16 22:02:16

Iv not read your last thread.

My brother regularly calls me by his dp's name then catches himself. oh sorry I meant ginky not <dp's name>.

I think it's habit rather than not listening.

HandyWoman Mon 03-Oct-16 22:20:17

I read your last thread. Are you any further forward with that issue or is it still the elephant in the room?

FeralBeryl Tue 04-Oct-16 00:18:57

Jesus-just read your last thread. You got a wholly unnecessary pasting there confused

You shouldn't have mentioned the ring at all. People focused on that and not the real issue.

My DH did the same after proposing (very nicely and with lovely ring) - seemed rather surprised that this meant I would imminently like to marry. Tit
I told him in the nicest way that to me, engagement is before marriage, not just for a 'sign of commitment' and if that wasn't what he wanted, I'd like him to take the ring back.

But (and sorry for all the above blush I call people by the wrong name/ term of endearment sometimes. DH will get 'princess' DD will get 'clever boy!' Etc.
It's just distraction, it doesn't mean I've not listened to the actual content of their words.

phillipp Tue 04-Oct-16 06:19:49

I called ds the dogs name the other day. It doesn't mean I wasn't listening or I think he is a dog.

I have called colleagues 'good lad' like I would ds, the laughed (out of embarrassment) and apologised. Against it's nothing to do with listening. Just a slip of the tongue.

I read your last thread but didn't comment. It seems to me that you aren't happy in this relationship and are looking for problems.

It seems a huge leap from him using a phrase that he does at work to 'tuning out of the relationship'.

Are you happy? Or are you continuing with this relationship because that's the done thing?

TheNaze73 Tue 04-Oct-16 06:29:15

Didn't read the last post or know the back story. On the face of it, you're way over thinking it

gillybeandramaqueen Wed 05-Oct-16 20:39:54

Thank you to everyone for all of your comments!

Yes - I guess this was a continuation of the previous thread........

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