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money issues (sort of)

(15 Posts)
OhMrsQ Mon 03-Oct-16 17:25:07

I'm so sorry to post on here when others have genuine, more serious relationship issues.

I have a very poor boyfriend. He's so lovely, but poor. I am not poor. I want to help him out, pay for most of our dinners out, cinema tickets, cook him lots of nice meals etc. Which he is ok with.

He is proud, and rightly so, and struggles with day-to-day money, rent etc.

I hate to see him struggle and I can help. He won't accept help. How can I help him??

OhMrsQ Mon 03-Oct-16 17:26:17

And by help I mean help pay to have his truck fixed, help with a plane ticket to see his family, that sort of thing.

IzzyIsBusy Mon 03-Oct-16 17:26:54

Unless you know why he is poor you cannot help.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 03-Oct-16 17:27:50

Well why is he so poor in the first place?
That's important.
Then I can probably advise you

If it's because he's a student for example, then that may be a temporary poverty that will change

If he's choosing not to work again that's different because it's a choice

If he can't work because he has a disability then you can help with finding him the right kind of benefits and maybe even a very small job

So it's hard to advise you

IzzyIsBusy Mon 03-Oct-16 17:28:35

And by help I mean help pay to have his truck fixed, help with a plane ticket to see his family, that sort of thing.

Thats not helpful. Thats funding/treating him.
Is he poor because his job pays peanuts/he has debts/cannot manage money?

OhMrsQ Mon 03-Oct-16 17:30:09

Oh, sorry.
He is poor because he gets paid peanuts. He will have to struggle for maybe another year, then he will have his licence and will make more money.

OhMrsQ Mon 03-Oct-16 17:31:00

And yes when I say help, I would like to be able to help him out financially.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 03-Oct-16 17:31:29

Then that is kind of a temporary situation. Is he grateful and nice to you in other ways? What has made you post about it? Do you feel taken advantage of?

buckingfrolicks Mon 03-Oct-16 17:32:49

if you want to spend your money on a DP then go ahead, I say.

If you're convinced (and have checked) that he's a good guy, who has had bad breaks (poor education, whatever) rather than a lazy guy who can't be arsed, then absolutely I'd pay for his truck or whatever.

But I'd also be very very careful that you know who he is first.

(I'm notoriously rubbish with money and I hate to see people who are just as human and normal and decent as me, who haven't had the breaks I've had in life, suffering...)

Myusernameismyusername Mon 03-Oct-16 17:34:09

Oh I see you want to help him. You can't make him take the money.
I wouldn't take it easily if I had no way of paying it back unless I was married and our money became communal shared money. He sounds too proud to take it and maybe he is ok, struggling isn't nice but it's a life lesson and as long as you can pay the rent, the luxuries in life aren't the be all and end all. You can have fun on a budget. He knows he will earn more in the future, it's not a forever situation

OhMrsQ Mon 03-Oct-16 17:34:11

Oh, he is adorable. Grateful and lovely.
I do not feel taken advantage of at all. What has made me post is that I've just come into some money, and I want to share it. I've sent a lot off to various charities, some to my brother, and I'd like to take us away over New Year to visit some of my family. He doesn't want me to pay for him. So I either go alone or not at all.
I understand him not wanting to be a kept man or similar, but I just want to help him not struggle and treat him.

OhMrsQ Mon 03-Oct-16 17:36:06

buckingfrolicks We've been together 2 years, so I do know he is who he says he is.

His main bad break was having his entire life stolen when he moved house. Car, moving van trailer thing with all his stuff in, the lot. He's spent the last couple of years trying to replace everything.

OhMrsQ Mon 03-Oct-16 17:37:35

Putting it into context: I have given a lot more to the cat man of aleppo than I would spend on a plane ticket for him!

clarrylove Mon 03-Oct-16 19:11:51

Make it his surprise Xmas present?

OhMrsQ Mon 03-Oct-16 19:54:54

clarrylove ooh that's a good idea. Brilliant, actually.

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