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New relationship but can't get over the guilt

(9 Posts)
GeoffTheRef Mon 03-Oct-16 13:57:32

A bit of background first, I filed for divorce from my husband at the end of last year after 10 years of marriage, due to his emotional and financial abuse. Decree nisi came through in April. We are still living in the same house as he refuses to move out until all the financial stuff is sorted. It's hell on earth as you can imagine. I'm kind of surviving day to day but it is a real struggle especially as we have 3 children.

Anyway, I met someone 3 months ago who has totally blown me away and I love spending time with him when I don't have my children but I'm really struggling with the guilt of starting this new relationship and still being in the home with my stbxh. I'm scared my feelings are going to ruin everything and I don't know why I feel like this. As far as I'm aware my ex doesn't know, should I tell him? We don't speak at all unless it's about the children or the divorce, I don't even like him but I can't help feeling like I'm doing something wrong. Am I? The children ask where I am going and I'm finding myself lying to them and I hate myself for it. Can someone talk some sense into me please before I wreck everything?

hellsbellsmelons Mon 03-Oct-16 14:17:07

Good grief no - don't tell him.
Try to understand though, why you feel guilty?
He could have left but he's chosen to be a total dick-head!
You need this escape so make the most of it.
You don't have to lie to your kids though.
Where are you going mummy?
Just off out to catch up with a friend, be back soon.

BugPlaster Mon 03-Oct-16 14:22:26

Good for you that you have left the marriage. Keep on doing what you are doing. I can see it might feel alien with the living situation as it is but try not to let his stubborn/controlling decision to stay ruin your leaps forward. It's great you have found someone - whether it lasts or not, enjoy it.

GeoffTheRef Mon 03-Oct-16 14:22:40

I know I shouldn't feel guilty after everything I've been through I do think I deserve a bit of happiness but I can't help it. I tried that with the children but I've now started staying out overnight a bit and I get the 'we miss you' 'who are you with?' 'Why are you out?' It's killing me sad

ImperialBlether Mon 03-Oct-16 14:33:45

I think I'd put this relationship on hold for a while, to be honest. Do the children know you're separating? It must feel odd for them if you're no longer at home every night. If they were staying with their dad in his own house of course it would be different. If the relationship's a good one, couldn't it withstand a few months of not meeting up?

GeoffTheRef Mon 03-Oct-16 14:51:51

Maybe I shouldn't have got into it but I did. I wasn't expecting it and like I said he has kind of blown me away. My ex works long hours and through mediation refused all other contact with the children apart from every other weekend which we started doing a year ago. The children are used to this. I don't go out in the week as I have total responsibility for them, I only go out when he has them.

GeoffTheRef Mon 03-Oct-16 14:52:15

Maybe I shouldn't have got into it but I did. I wasn't expecting it and like I said he has kind of blown me away. My ex works long hours and through mediation refused all other contact with the children apart from every other weekend which we started doing a year ago. The children are used to this. I don't go out in the week as I have total responsibility for them, I only go out when he has them which like I said is every other weekend.

GeoffTheRef Mon 03-Oct-16 14:52:19

Maybe I shouldn't have got into it but I did. I wasn't expecting it and like I said he has kind of blown me away. My ex works long hours and through mediation refused all other contact with the children apart from every other weekend which we started doing a year ago. The children are used to this. I don't go out in the week as I have total responsibility for them, I only go out when he has them which like I said is every other weekend.

GeoffTheRef Mon 03-Oct-16 15:20:30

Maybe I shouldn't have got into it but I did. I wasn't expecting it and like I said he has kind of blown me away. My ex works long hours and through mediation refused all other contact with the children apart from every other weekend which we started doing a year ago. The children are used to this. I don't go out in the week as I have total responsibility for them, I only go out when he has them which like I said is every other weekend.

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