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Please educate me about The Script

(34 Posts)
Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 13:51:58

I'm just going to write a few things down that I've found out today and I would like thoughts on it please:

1) Day started with dh clearing out his bag that he uses for work/holidays. He pulled out an empty condom wrapper and when I saw it, pretended he didn't know what it was. When questioned, laughed and said "I don't have time for that kind of thing.."
2) We have just been for a week's holiday with our 2 dc. We didn't have sex all week. Prior to that he went to his home country alone for 2 weeks, with that bag.
3) When I wasn't satisfied with his response and went into other room to think, he followed me through and said "well it's just like when I suspected that you cheated on me with X" (I have never cheated with X but dh has used this before in arguments to turn it around to being about me)
4) He went to work an hour early saying he couldn't remember what time he started. I only know what time he really started because of the time he called me on his lunch break. I think he was trying to escape the conversation.
5) He text me saying he would never do anything like that to "disgrace the family" and wrote out our marriage vows.
6) I went on to his Facebook profile (can't log in as him as I don't know his password and it sends a security message to his phone) and he has me on a limited profile so I can only see our mutual friends. Hadn't noticed this before as I never use Facebook so don't know how long it's been like that.
7) I feel shaky and sick. Surely if I trusted him I would feel fine.

My plan so far is to ask him to hand over his phone when he gets in from work. He has had all day to delete stuff though so this is pretty pointless.
I have no idea what else to do. Please help me figure out what to do next and how I will know the script when it comes out. What does an innocent man do vs a guilty man?

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 13:53:32

Oh I totally forgot something else I meant to write: he has synced his note writing app with me for some reason (perhaps by accident?) and so I can see his notes he writes on his phone, kind of like reminders. One has a list with numbers and words which look an awful lot like bank accounts which I know nothing about.

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:08:10

I've also found a transaction on our credit card for £52 from the day he was flying home - when I googled the name it was an airport shop but he didn't come home with any gifts or anything new.

Mrsemcgregor Mon 03-Oct-16 14:14:46

I don't know anything about the script or have any practical advice. But I wanted to say I feel for you and that if your gut instinct tells you something is wrong then he has a job to do to reassure you if everything is innocent.

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:18:16

Thanks Mrs. He has never done anything like this before (that I've noticed) and I did wonder if maybe I've been reading too much mumsnet lately which is why I feel so suspicious.

Groundhogday2016 Mon 03-Oct-16 14:23:11

Can you think of any genuine reason for the condom wrapper?

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:25:06

Yes it could be ours, we do use condoms. He said that too. But I honestly don't know why it would be in his bag. The last 2 holidays we went on we had no sex as DC's in our bed.

ALaughAMinute Mon 03-Oct-16 14:25:51

I think the empty condom wrapper says it all OP.

So sorry. What are you going to do?

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:26:27

I don't know, that's why I'm on here!? Have no actual proof.

PoppyPicklesPenguin Mon 03-Oct-16 14:27:24

Here is a link to the "Script"

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1634754-Men-affairs-what-is-the-script

Kr1stina Mon 03-Oct-16 14:28:03

It's hard to think of a legimate reason for the condom wrapper.

PoppyPicklesPenguin Mon 03-Oct-16 14:30:02

Some men do like to use them when masturbating, but I don't think it looks good either.

For what it is worth OP, I don't think any of this is in your head. I'm sorry your in this position

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:30:17

And the possible bank accounts and transactions I know nothing about!

ALaughAMinute Mon 03-Oct-16 14:30:53

You say the last two holidays you didn't have sex so how could it be anything else?

The only thing you can do is talk to him and then decide what you want to do next. I feel for you I really do.

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:31:15

Poppy pickles - we have achieved lessons 1-3 already. I only had to read the first section and it felt familiar.

But how to get definitive proof?

sofato5miles Mon 03-Oct-16 14:31:56

Get s copy of the bank details note and do not mention it to him.

Pe4haps go quiet and start snooping. Wait for the credit card bills etc.

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:36:00

I have the credit card statement already, on my phone. Tells me all transactions and amounts.
Don't know how or where else to snoop, apart from obviously his phone which he's had all day to delete evidence.

PoppyPicklesPenguin Mon 03-Oct-16 14:42:41

It's a terrible situation to be in.

I see a lot of posts on the subject and generally women don't wait they jump in and the bastard gets away with a fair bit.

I think if you can, don't give anything away about knowing what you do. Get what information you can, find out about these hidden bank accounts for starters and then LTB.

Of course if you can't stand him for another second then just get it over and done with. I really feel for you the mans an arsehole.

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:52:52

Sorry but how the frig do I find out about bank accounts?

Solasum Mon 03-Oct-16 14:54:06

Are you sure he was in his home country not on holiday with OW?

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 14:56:04

Yes we Skyped most days and his relatives were in background.

sofato5miles Mon 03-Oct-16 15:06:26

Personally, i would ignore it and get all my ducks in a row. See a solicitor etc

Trifleorbust Mon 03-Oct-16 16:36:30

Could be as simple as he put the wrapper in his jeans and then the jeans in the bag...

The transaction is a bit suspicious, but would he have shown you if he had bought a bottle of something or perfume for you for a special occasion?

I'm not saying it's not a bit suspicious, but I wouldn't be seeing a solicitor yet.

Whattheactualfork Mon 03-Oct-16 16:55:51

Really? Why do I feel so suspicious? I very much doubt he's spent £52 on a bottle of champagne/perfume for a future occasion, he's not a spender and he's not a forward thinker either.

Please can anyone tell me how to find out about secret bank accounts?

Trifleorbust Mon 03-Oct-16 17:09:00

I don't know why you feel suspicious. I will say, though, that I've been suspicious loads of times with no basis whatsoever. I'm a Scorpio. And my DH once got all suspicious (shortly after we started giving out) when he found someone's mobile number on my bedroom floor on a piece of paper. Doofus wanted to know whose number it was. I looked at it and nearly collapsed laughing...it was his! 😂

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