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Separating but I am very concerned about my immediate financial situation

(7 Posts)
AVY1 Mon 03-Oct-16 12:58:01

We decided to separate on Saturday (it's supposed to be a fortnight of gathering our thoughts but I know, as he does, that really we are just postponing the inevitable).

H isn't going to be unreasonable about ensuring that I have money to feed DD (and myself) over the next couple of weeks but I feel uncomfortable asking. We've both got our own accounts plus a joint account but have always viewed all money as in the one pot.

I'm sitting here and supposed to be working (freelance writer) thinking that once today's invoice has been sent out, I'm projectless for the rest of the week and I am not going to have enough at the end of it to cover anything other than the petrol to get DD to and from school. I earn a small amount each month (it could/will be MUCH higher now that the pressure to be a housewife during the day rather than work has been lifted).

The joint account already has all the money in it for this month's bills but I didn't set up a payment to go to me the middle of the month like I usually do from H's account.

In terms of my account, it is a student one (actually due to be upgraded) but we've essentially used it instead of a credit card due to the 0% interest, mainly for food and petrol but also for emergency purchases this year as our savings have completely depleted (e.g. when I needed new tyres).

I can't ask my family for help as right now I am not in a position to confidently say I can pay you back and I wouldn't want, as a 30 year old, to feeling like I was being bailed out.

I'm just very scared - he's starting out with his wages (we've always basically added everything into the pot, paid the bills, and then split the rest so we both have access to money) and I'm starting out in the red and I don't want to discuss this with him (we were going to use some inheritance he has received to pay off our small debts but now we are not an 'us' it seems totally unreasonable for me to ask) and I'm panicked because that debt is only in my name.

I know I should have been setting some aside but I really did think we were going to get through this rough patch/seven-year itch (my proportion of our income has been used to keep the overdraft not over its limit basically) but it has now escalated to the point that we both know we'd rather be alone than in an unhappy marriage that sooner or later is going to start affecting DD.

I'm already working on contacting clients / bidding on projects but the next few weeks are concerning me - is there anywhere I can go for help? Or, perhaps more helpfully, what would/did you do in a similar situation?

pocketsaviour Mon 03-Oct-16 13:04:43

"I feel uncomfortable asking"
"I didn't set up a payment to go to me the middle of the month like I usually do from H's account"
"I can't ask my family for help as right now I am not in a position to confidently say I can pay you back"

Swallow your English middle-class embarrassment and have these conversations, OP. The momentary sense of rudeness you experience will be as nothing if you suddenly realise you can't feed your daughter.

(FWIW I know exactly where you're coming from as I would rather give myself a black eye and a blistered hand putting together a wardrobe myself than asking anyone to help me! But sometimes we need to swallow our pride and allow those around us, who love us, to help.)

AVY1 Mon 03-Oct-16 13:17:22

Nail on head - I am TERRIBLE at asking for help. It's even written on some school reports!
But for DD, I can do anything, however uncomfortable.

queenofthepirates Mon 03-Oct-16 13:19:16

Speaking frankly, strap on your big girl pants and ask for the money.

AVY1 Mon 03-Oct-16 13:29:03

Thank you both. That is exactly what I needed to hear - was working myself up somewhat.

ImperialBlether Mon 03-Oct-16 18:57:45

And go onto here to calculate your tax credits entitlement. It won't be dependent on anything he gives you.

Then go onto here to calculate the child maintenance that will need to be paid. You don't have to go through the site, but it will give you both a good idea.

AVY1 Mon 03-Oct-16 19:28:40

Ah ok. Didn't think about tax credits as my hours are wonky but I forgot about child element. Thank you all so much.

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