Boyfriend: "You're too nice to me"

[oatsandhoney]

Just wondering what this means really. Together nearly a year, things are going well. This isn't the first time he's said this but I'm wondering what he means. He's been getting a lot of grief off his ex wife this week on various things and last night he said to me while talking (via text) that I'm too nice to him and when I asked if that was a bad thing he said he's just not used to being treated so well.

I'm curious as to what he means by this. I'm just myself, I don't indulge his every whim (too busy with life for that) but despite us both having complicated lives this feels secure and safe. But is there such a thing as too nice? Or am I overthinking?

[qwom]

He's very appreciative of you and the support you offer :)

[pocketsaviour]

Maybe just a turn of phrase. When I first met my (step)son I was surprised to hear him say things like "Dad I love you too much!" or "Please can I have another yoghurt, I like it too much!" To him it was just a synonym for "very".

[TheNaze73]

I think you're probably, so laid back, easy going & low maintenance compared to his ex, that he's overwhelmed by it. It's a positive. Sometimes, people who've been in bad relationships, see what others see as normal behaviour as nice behaviour.
You've been together a year, so I'd take him at face value. It's a compliment

[HandyWoman]

What does your gut say?

[oatsandhoney]

Sometimes, people who've been in bad relationships, see what others see as normal behaviour as nice behaviour.

This is probably true. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years so I have a tendency to 'hunt' for red flags, hence my confusion over the 'too nice' comment!

I'm also not used to compliments

[Thistledew]

How is the rest of your relationship?

Hopefully it just means he appreciates you, but sometimes this sort of comment can be a warning/admission that he does not deserve you being nice to him as he is not very nice to you.

[oatsandhoney]

The rest of the relationship is good Thistle although I agree, I think I'm worrying that he means he's not very nice to me (although I think he is). My gut lurches between that and thinking its a compliment Handy which is why I asked.

[SecondMrsAshwell]

Maybe he's bracing himself for the day when you aren't so nice to him. If he's used to grief, he must be wondering whether you're going to start.

Like when the house goes quiet and you think "lovely, the house is sooo quiet." and then you think "hang on, it's too quiet. What's going on?"

[AstrantiaMallow]

Mmm not sure.
I was in an abusive marriage, I now have a lovely bf. Sometimes I do get totally overwhelmed by how nice he is, and tell him, only for him to look slightly bewildered as he reckons he's just normal. BUT I never say he is too nice. It's also never something I text him, more spur of the moment type reaction to a situation. I don't like the too nice much tbh.

[SandyY2K]

Hopefully it just means he appreciates you, but sometimes this sort of comment can be a warning/admission that he does not deserve you being nice to him as he is not very nice to you.

I agree with this. ^^^^^^^

[Nabootique]

Hopefully it just means he appreciates you, but sometimes this sort of comment can be a warning/admission that he does not deserve you being nice to him as he is not very nice to you.

Sadly, I agree with this too, or at least as a possibility (trying not to project!). The last two previous boyfriends said this to me, one turned out to have a girlfriend, and the other had generally been a bit of a shit.

[MariposaUno]

I would look at it as he apreciates you and is not used to being treated normally/nice and may fron previous rl not feel he deserves it(hang up)although he is good now there's always potential he could take you for granted as with all relationships.

So if it's all good now then carry on if you want to.

[HandyWoman]

The 'too nice' thing would make me feel uneasy.

[Groundhogday2016]

I think it's a kind of warning ie I don't deserve you being so nice to me as I am not being nice to you. Is he using you, seeing someone else, treating you badly in some way?