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What happens next? Domestic violence related

(7 Posts)
LittlePeterRabbitAndHisFly Mon 03-Oct-16 12:50:45

So basically long story short I have been posting here using different names for a while, I used different names because I was ashamed I hadn't left yet.

My ex physically and emotionally abused me for years. The physical stuff stopped when I became pregnant but the emotional stuff got really bad then. In a way the physical stuff wasn't as bad, the gas lighting and threats nearly sent me over the edge.

Anyway. I never went to the police because he kept telling me if I did, they would take my children away. One being quite severely disabled and relying on me a lot and one either inside me or newborn.

He started recently with really wild accusations like saying I was going into his house and stealing stuff but finding the stuff as soon as I said to call the police if something had been stolen. I started making sure I was never on my own in the day so I'd never be accused of that, seeing friends constantly, and with a newborn and a child and a house to look after that was exhausting.

Anyway, yesterday he went to the police with his wild claims, which aren't true at all and I've got someone saying where I was on every single day in the past few weeks since his claims started so I'm sure I'll be fine on that count. However when he did go to the police it was like the control had completely gone, they'd be involved now anyway so I went myself and disclosed everything, I have photos of the bruises which I saved onto my PC which are time stamped.

However that's all the proof I have. Apart from friends I've disclosed to over the years, because, the night before he went to the police he used find my iPhone to wipe my phone completely and I hadn't been backing t up to iCloud. We've tried various ways of getting the messages back but nothing works.

Anyway I have to go back in on Wednesday to make an official statement, but the police officer would only take note of one of the times he had hit me and said they'll work on one for now and wouldn't even listen to any of the emotional side of things st all.

When I first told him he kept saying "he'll be arrested you know do you want that?" And I felt like he was trying to put me off doing it.

Anyway I just wanted to know what happens now? I get the feeling that after he's arrested it will all kick off again, so I'd like to know if that's only likely to happen after I make a statement? So I can at least relax until Wednesday? What will happen after that?

foolonthehill Mon 03-Oct-16 14:48:53

I can only speak from my own experience...they arrested my now ExH and kept him for a few hours, sent domestic violence team round to me and a personal security advisor (ex police man). because there was no evidence other than my word and his they didn't prosecute BUT they gave me the tools and the will to get rid of him with the help of women's aid and others I did.
It sounds like he does not live with you so you can legally keep him out of your house. If you want rid of him now is the time to do it. Get all the help you can and be strong.

It is not easy but it is BETTER away from these men. I hope you can get away from him emotionally, physically and mentally and can reclaim your life. You can get help and you can do this.

Remember he is only one man.However persuasive/angry/loving/manipulative he is you can be free of him and happy

WoodenTrees Mon 03-Oct-16 15:59:30

Mine was arrested and bailed to a different address, not allowed here or to contact me. The police may be able to find your pictures. Make sure they put you in touch with the DV team, not all of them have received training with regard to coercion and emotional abuse, whereas the DV team are more aware. Good luck!
flowers

LittlePeterRabbitAndHisFly Tue 04-Oct-16 11:26:50

Thanks I haven't made a statement yet were they arrested only after that? My health visitor is putting me in touch with the domestic violence team. She said she's seen me with my eldest son who is disabled with challenging behaviour and she can see how good a mum I am and that the only reason those kids would be thought of as at risk was if I ever let him back

Iamdobby63 Tue 04-Oct-16 11:33:57

That's reassuring. I'm a little confused over your living arrangements, do you both each have a place?

You are doing the right thing, thankfully those photos are saved. Stay strong. 💐

WoodenTrees Tue 04-Oct-16 11:36:28

The first time I made my statement hours after he'd been arrested, the second time, they arrested him after I'd made a statement.
No, he's not coming back this time!
I hope things improve for you. My Dh was not violent as such, the odd low level 'accident', closing a door on me, or bumping into me so I'd bump into something else. The fantasies, the moods, the gaslighting, the controlling however went on for years. Take all the help you can get and I hope things work out for you.
flowers

LittlePeterRabbitAndHisFly Tue 04-Oct-16 12:22:26

We each have our own place he has never lived with me or the children

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