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Family friends daughter and her secret relationship WWYD?

(19 Posts)
KungFuPandaWorksOut Mon 03-Oct-16 11:05:47

I'll give a bit of background. My mums has got a best friend of over 30+ years, she's my god mum and has acted like a second mum to me over the years. I will call her W.
W has a daughter who has just turned 16. I'll call her L. L was a welcomed surprise and is the baby of the family, so W was maybe to over protective of L.
A few months ago when L was 15 I heard about rumours of her kissing a well known man in our area, who is 26. L begged me not to tell her mum and that it was just a rumour. I took her word for it.
Over weekend I caught L coming out of the 26 year olds man house and gave him a kiss before she went on her way. I know W knows nothing of this, as I had spoke to her the evening prior and she mentioned L was staying at her friends, and I know W would not approve of her seeing this 26 year old.
My question is should I tell W?
Or shall I stay out of this?

Lewwat Mon 03-Oct-16 11:10:37

None of your business

TeaPleaseLouise Mon 03-Oct-16 11:12:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

petalsandstars Mon 03-Oct-16 11:17:21

Tell mum - that age gap is just not appropriate at those ages. She's a child and he's highly likely to be taking advantage/even grooming her for CSE it's not worth the risk.

JakeBallardswife Mon 03-Oct-16 11:19:18

Tell your mum to start with and seek her advice.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 03-Oct-16 11:31:55

I would probably tell L that I know and that she should tell her DM before I did!

KungFuPandaWorksOut Mon 03-Oct-16 11:45:48

I'm torn because I don't want to cause an argument because as much as I love W she has a massive tendency to over react which she had done to L, which is why I think recently she's started to rebel with certain things she's doing. L has also turned 16 now so would W really be able to stop her?
But the other half thinks W deserves to know, this man is known in the area and has brought trouble with him (police etc) so don't really want L being mixed up in it all.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 03-Oct-16 11:50:06

Maybe tell L that you know because someone told you so it would be best for her to tell her DM before she hears it 2nd/3rd hand from the gossip grapevine?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Mon 03-Oct-16 11:58:12

She is still a child. He is well over the age of consent. In the long run she will be glad he mother knows.
If he is such a douche bag will he be using protection???
Imagine the worst and you have kept quiet?!

KungFuPandaWorksOut Mon 03-Oct-16 12:18:43

I think I'll tell my mum and see what she advises and how to break it to W. That was my thoughts bearded he's your typical "bad boy"

OliviaStabler Mon 03-Oct-16 12:27:54

I would tell your Mum. She may now have turned 16 but that is still a large age gap for her age.

GingerbreadLatteToGo Mon 03-Oct-16 12:43:02

I actually think that trying to find someone L will actually listen to might help, rather than telling her mum. Of course as mum's you want to know, but if W is going to just over react & lay the law down, it's not going to help L at all

If you don't think she will listen to you, is there anyone you think she might listen to?!

I'm not sure what you can say to an infatuated 16 year old though, that will change anything.

At least if you talk to her you can let her know you will help (in anyway you're prepared to) if she ends up in a bad situation at anytime. I'd check she's on the pill & using condoms.

Trouble is, at 16 the police won't even. Ring her home if she doesn't want to go home. Unless, maybe if he's massively big trouble & the police can scare him about something... regular checks on his car for drugs or something. Underhand but effective. Maybe. Depending on where you live.

It's scary how little control you have once they hit 16 & yet they're so vulnerable, but feel so grown up 😔

Landoni112 Mon 03-Oct-16 12:46:55

I would tell L you are telling W.
16 is too young to be with a man who is 10 yrs old and in trouble with the police.
What if he got her hooked on him/drugs and pimped her out to his mates... I know I am being over dramatic, but it happens.

Landoni112 Mon 03-Oct-16 12:47:19


MaMaof04 Mon 03-Oct-16 13:17:33

I know a similar case.
Nothing can help as at now.
I think that if she wants to keep it sercrete then that might mean
that she is a bit ashamed or fear a bit the reactions. Telling her mother might just prompt her to go public
and defiant about it. She might move to his house etc (That is what happened to a sad case I know; the parents worked like mad in lowly paid jobs; they had boys first and then at a relatively old-age a daughter they spoilt. This daughter's BF at roughly the age of 15 was a very bad big boy with some criminal record- the total opposite of her dear hardworking dad. When it all came out and her parents were informed about it then she just moved out to join him when she reached the age of 16. Of course she stopped going to college)
So maybe just hint L the daughter that you know and see what she says about it all. No shaming nothing. It will backfire. Good Luck to you, her parents and to her silly girl as well.

KungFuPandaWorksOut Mon 03-Oct-16 14:21:19

I've spoken to my DM, she's going to visit W tonight about it and try to come up with a plan with W, where L doesn't go running straight into his arms and move in.

MaMaof04 Mon 03-Oct-16 16:35:36

Well done KungFu! You listened to all of us, took everything on board and made an intelligent decision at the end. I hope the mum will stay strong for as long as it takes. And it might be a long journey to save her daughter. Good luck to all of you!

JakeBallardswife Mon 03-Oct-16 19:57:48

Yes, the best result. You did exactly the right thing. Hope it works out for the best.

GingerbreadLatteToGo Tue 04-Oct-16 12:01:22

Any idea how your Mum got on?

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