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Should I be worried and what should I do?(8 Posts)
My partner has been off with me for a couple of months. It started with whenever I told him anything about what I thought or did that day, he'd cut me off angrily part way through, finish my sentence wrongly (preempting not being sarcastic) and just not listen to me at all. In the end I just stopped telling him anything about myself and just questioned him about him, his day etc and I also wanted to see if he would be interested in asking me anything, which he never did.
In the last 2 weeks things have become much worse. We do have outside stressors and he has told me that's bothering him but he has also said I am upsetting him too at my reaction to the problems. He shouts about problems whereas I try and deal with them quietly.
What I haven't mentioned so far is we have a baby, he does nothing towards helping as he says he's too tired from working and going to the gym a few times a week. He was excited at the baby's arrival but felt rejected that the baby kept crying for me, so after a month of really trying he backed away and now I do everything at home and with the baby 24/7. Now the baby is older he still cries for me because I am the only one who does anything for or with him and DP still gets upset by this.
Another thing I've noticed is he lies about where he's driven when he goes out for a drive. He told me he'd gone somewhere, I didn't really believe him and so did the same route the next day and realised he lied (I started to get suspicious before so been taking odometer readings from the car). Why lie about it?
Am I right to be worried? Does it look like he has gone off me or is it the other problems he is taking out on me? What should I do? I tried talking to him and he said he is mad with me and listed bizarre reasons, some of which are nothing to do with me! When I tried to defend myself after listening, he just shut himself off.
It sounds like he's jealous of your baby, quite pathetic really. To get stroppy when a baby cries for its mother is ridiculous. You sound like you're giving in to his childish behavior too much, confront him, he sounds like he needs to be shaken up a bit. Also, he's tired because he works and goes to the gym a few times during the week, wow it's a good job he isn't relied upon to look after the baby it might kill him. How old is this man child? My oh is mid forties, works full time, permanently on call with work, goes to the gym at least three times a week, usually more, does his fair share of homework and bedtime stuff with our two older dcs and helps with the baby, plus we're having the house renovated. He's tired with plenty of outside stressors but just gets on with what needs doing. He sounds bloody hard work. Is he worth it when he can't be bothered to even listen how your day's been? How long have you been together and what was he like before?
Hi OP, from what you have said I am sorry to say there is a possibility he has an OW. When people have a shiny, new toy they can lose interest in the old one (you in this case) and get short-tempered with them. Don't blame yourself. It would be far from unusual if this is the case, around the time of a new baby coming along. Reasons/excuses might be less sex during pregnancy, baby taking up so much of your attention, your partner having some issue with a madonna/whore complex.
Or just the universal excuse: because he can.
Please get support IRL. It's hard enough coping with a baby without feeling resented and abandoned aswell.
What are you getting out of this relationship right now? Because I think you need to have a talk with him about his behaviour.
Do you work?
Can you support you and your DS on your own?
I do think some men get like this when they realise their partner has no means financially.
He created the baby with you. It's not good enough for him to do nothing with DS at all. You might as well be on your own if you don't have any support from him.
If you're fed up talking about it with him, I'd just stop asking about his day and get on with your day. Build a support network if possible and once you gain that kind of strength, you'll find it easier to break away.
If you let someone get away with treating you like this, they carry on doing it.
And yes ... with all the lying he has something to hide. Could be an OW. Do you have access to his phone?
Thank you for your responses. I want to answer each question properly so will do in about an hour when I can give this my undivided attention. In other words, the baby is crying but should sleep soon.
Thank you everyone for your replies, really really needed your thoughts 😊
Happybunny19 Hi Happy, yeah it does seem like he's jealous and just remembered he once said all my attention goes on the baby!
He's mid 30's and works quite a manual job. We've been together nearly 5 years and lived together just over 3. TBH he has always wanted his me time but he is very dedicated when he wants to be and thought (because he told me) that he'd be the same with our child. Doesn't seem to be the case.
Keepingonrunning. Thank you, it's appreciated that you recognise how isolating and crappy this is at the moment. I too have contemplated the possibility there may be someone else, I keep looking for evidence but the only thing I know for sure are he lies and the odometer.
SandyY2K Hi Sandy, tbh I don't feel I'm getting anything out of the relationship at the moment.
My financial situation isn't great as I'm not working (looking after baby full time) but I could make it work if necessary. What do you mean by "men sometimes get like this when they realise their partner has no means financially?" That they get complacent or resentful maybe?
Can't get near his phone but that's always been the case. He's always on it watching videos or whatever. I'd have to remove that surgically!
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