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My partner of three months says he loves and adores me but doesn't find me attractive all the time. Is this normal?

(75 Posts)
Crazyhairlady76 Sun 02-Oct-16 22:36:12

Hi! My partner of three months has said he loves me and wants to be with me but that he doesn't find me attractive all the time. I feel quite upset by this. Am I being too sensitive or is that normal so early on in a relationship?

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Sun 02-Oct-16 22:37:47

Sounds like a red flag to me!!
What does he not find attractive?

dontwannapullahammie Sun 02-Oct-16 22:38:50

Surely you don't really need to ask? How can you love someone after 3 months? Dump him and find someone who is attracted to you

SirChenjin Sun 02-Oct-16 22:39:15

After 3 months?! I'm not surprised you ate hurt, that was not a nice thing to say.

Crazyhairlady76 Sun 02-Oct-16 22:39:38

He won't specify just that sometimes he looks at me and doesn't find me attractive.

TurnipCake Sun 02-Oct-16 22:39:52


Dump this game-playing dickhead immediately.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 02-Oct-16 22:40:49

My dh tells me all the time I am gorgeous. . I know I am not but glad I am to him. If I wasn't is there really any point??

Myusernameismyusername Sun 02-Oct-16 22:42:11

Oh that's really mean. I really don't think that's a nice thing to say to someone and it must make you feel awful. Also I can't see how that will ever get better if that's only 3 months in?

corythatwas Sun 02-Oct-16 22:42:35

Someone who feels the need to tell you after 3 months that he does not always find you attractive is doing it for a reason...

Doesn't sound like he is getting ready to ditch you, and I am afraid the likely alternative is that he wants you to doubt your own ability of attracting a man and feel grateful that he is ready to take you on.

Fairylea Sun 02-Oct-16 22:42:37


After 3 months he should find you attractive even at your worst! He should be wanting to rip your clothes off all the time and think you're the sexiest thing since sliced bread.

If you can't wow someone 3 months in they're not worth wowing.

elQuintoConyo Sun 02-Oct-16 22:42:43

What a grade-A arsehole.

Close the door on that one. Block, delete etc.


poppopp Sun 02-Oct-16 22:43:52

He's trying to erode your confidence, LTB.

JayDot500 Sun 02-Oct-16 22:44:02

Eh?... and you're still with him???

This is a red flag with blinking red lights and warning bells. Go find what you deserve, it ain't this darling.

AyeAmarok Sun 02-Oct-16 22:45:41

This sounds like that "negging" thing I think?

Not normal. And not nice.

Arfarfanarf Sun 02-Oct-16 22:45:49

No it's not normal.
I question why he would even want to tell you that.

It sounds like boundary testing confidence denting work to me.

There's yoghurt in my fridge that's been there three months. You know what I'm saying?

3 months is no time at all. Do not suffer another day of this. He is, i bet you, testing to see if you are someone who will accept being chipped away at.

Don't be.

Crazyhairlady76 Sun 02-Oct-16 22:46:21

Thanks everyone I know you are all right. It's my first relationship since separating from my husband 18 months ago and feeling a bit vulnerable.

Yourarejokingme Sun 02-Oct-16 22:46:43

Tell him to fuck off cheeky fukker

SaggyNaggy Sun 02-Oct-16 22:47:31

Allow me to translate:
"I love you but sometimes I dont tnbink your attractive"
"I want to have sex with you but only when youre dressed a certain way, of you don't dress how I want you to then I'm not interested. In will say I love you in the hopes that its the carrot that I can dangle to make you stick around"

Tell him the slightly twee and clichéd,
'If you do t want me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best'

(Fwiw, I've been with my gf 5years and I'm probably more attracted to her now, even if she is currently wearing PJs with custard stains down the front, no make up, hair looking like she's been in a wind tunnel etc, means fuck and shit to me, she's still gorgeous)

clumsyduck Sun 02-Oct-16 22:47:43

I think in telling you that he is a prick!! Normally I wake up looking like some kind of zombie scarecrow and dp will always tell me I'm beautiful . Clearly lying but he wouldn't ever say anything hurtful to me . My wanker ex on the other hand had no such reservations commenting negatively about my appearance .

Even if he is just genuinely feeling that and isn't a complete prick but let's say not very tactful , it doesn't bode well that at only 3 months in he is feeling this . Sorry op

ImperialBlether Sun 02-Oct-16 22:50:55

He needs to be got rid of but you need to say something about the way he looks before you do it. He's got a bloody nerve and needs to be taught a lesson!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sun 02-Oct-16 22:53:09

Why on EARTH would he need to tell you apart from to be cruel?!

Dump him fast.

2rebecca Sun 02-Oct-16 22:56:19

Agree with above. Why is he telling you this? It's normal to find your lover sexier sometimes but to tell your lover they are sometimes unattractive is cruel and sounds like someone not that in to you unfortunately

1DAD2KIDS Sun 02-Oct-16 23:12:00

The more I fall for someone the hotter they get even if their physical attributes where not what I would go for. May be its a trick of the mind but the more mentally attracted I am to someone the more physically attracted I am too. I would literally want to snog the face off, make endless love to and never let go of a Vicky Pollard lookalike if I was to fall in love with them even looking their worse (I know shut up, right). I guess that's why they say love is blind.

It don't sound like love to me.

LadySilvia Sun 02-Oct-16 23:20:24

It sounds like head working to me; knocking your confidence and throwing you off tilt, making you question yourself etc. Definitely a red flag. As Sherry Argov puts it:

"So, what’s the right attitude? “This is me, in all of my splendor … and it doesn’t get any better than this.” Don’t spend a fortune on a therapist. Just say it to yourself until you believe it. Eventually you will believe it, and so will he."

Don't listen to his shit OP. He'd never have dreamt of saying this if he was half the person you are.

Useruser44 Sun 02-Oct-16 23:24:13

What a knob , 3 months in shock red flag , move on. Text him and say "sorry just don't find you attractive enough for the long haul , take care". Save the pain this man will cause and walk away find someone worthy, this will only be for starters.

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