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Exes changing?

(3 Posts)
ohwhatsinausername Sun 02-Oct-16 20:20:34

Just feeling a bit funny recently over things. I've tried to talk to my family but they just say "stop overthinking it" and my friends say "I get why you feel like that" but don't offer any other advice really and I expect there will be a few here who've experienced this too...

Me and my ex had a bad relationship really, I know this now looking back. And there's no going back. He left me halfway through pregnancy with our second, so he could pursue another relationship with someone else, so how we ended will always hurt.

I know he is his own person and what he does now in his life has no reflection on me, I've been trying to do the whole self help thing when people say just focus on yourself not him and what he's doing.

But sometimes it just feels crap!!!

We used to fall out because he never wanted to do anything at weekends - would go out and get drunk after work on Friday, sleep til the afternoon Saturdays, laze about on Sunday before going back to work. His moods used to make me resentful because I'd had our daughter all week and wanted to do things together at weekends but because he never did, I used to get depressed and as a result my poor daughter never did much when she was little.

I tried to encourage him to get another job because he hated the one he was in and was making him miserable all the time!

Now in his new relationship, he's got a new job and is always telling me what he plans to do with our daughter (and gf & her kids) and he just sounds so much happier than he ever was with me and it's getting harder not to take that personally.

I get that he doesn't see our girls as much any more so probably wants to do more things with them when he has them but it just feels like had he put as much effort into us when we were a family, we might not have ended!

I can't (and would never!) say this to him but you know when you just want to tell someone how much of an arse they've been because we'll never have the chance to find that out now. (Even though realistically things would have probably been exactly the same between us, or worse now with two!)

I know we're better off apart and I love that he's more hands on with our eldest than he ever was before, so I should be happy and I almost feel selfish feeling this way. But I just feel so rejected lately, that I feel like it was me who caused his unhappiness!

We've been apart 10+ months now and I thought I would be feeling a bit better than I am now. Sorry for offloading, lots going on atm and I needed somewhere to write this down!

aLeopardanditsSpots Sun 02-Oct-16 22:54:47

Sorry you feel crap op.
He left you when you were pregnant. He doesn't sound like a good man. Maybe he has changed now, or maybe the mask will slip after a while we don't know.
I'm also ten months single after being cheated on. Sometimes I torture myself wondering if he's changed and will work out with this one. Even though realistically I know the chances of that are slim.
Sorry not got any answers I'm going through a stage of going over it all again just wanted you to know you're not alone.

ohwhatsinausername Mon 03-Oct-16 06:31:11

Thanks Leopard, sorry you're back here as well.

If it isn't bad enough what they did to us initially, we have to go back and torture ourselves further ey?

It makes me wonder why we have these stages though! One minute I'll be fine and moving on with my life and the next minute I feel I'm being dragged backwards again. Bloody hard work this moving on mallarky ha.

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