Friends never available

[lizzieoak]

Not sure how to interpret this or what to do about it?

Have had a fairly awful summer in which my job vanished under odd circumstances (don't want to get into details as maybe too identifying). I loved my colleagues and thought one in particular was a friend. Maybe I've been banging on about job sadness & lack of a love life, but people will insist on saying "if you need anything", but when what you need is to have a turn moaning about life they suddenly go all scarce.

Basically, I've been off work & get a bit bored and no-one's available (supposedly). The bit I really don't like is that friends will say "what about Sunday?" then when I text to ask about times they're suddenly busy on a 3 hour run (looking @ you life-long friend), or have to "run errands". I have to do errands too but also have time for friends.

Rambling a bit, but basically am thinking of waiting for people to get in touch w me (suspect this will be a long wait!) but not really sure about appropriate response to coffee cancellers. Don't want to look like Billy No Mates, so as some of them don't know each other have been saying "oh, that's fine, I've been hanging out with Kate all day instead" or "went to an amazing yoga class" or something. Irks me beyond reason to think they might be feeling a smug pity for me.

[stupid123]

Understand your feelings there.
Maybe join up with a couple of groups or local classes and hook up with other

[Mysecretgarden]

I would not waste my time on colleagues.
Counselling is great to unload and rebuild your self-confidence.
And there are plenty of things to do and people to meet @meetup.com

[RolfsBabyGrand]

That's crap but sometimes I do think people are genuinely too busy. Either that or just not sure how to help.

I've been lucky during my shit patch that a couple of friends have been absolutely brilliant. I've cried on their shoulders regularly. I am aware that it must be draining for them and worry a bit that I am using them - I wasn't in touch so frequently when everything was OK. I'm trying to sort myself out so we can resume normal balance of friendship - self help books etc

It's also made me aware of my own failings as a friend. I had one friend with depression and was crap at taking the time to see her. Like I said earlier I felt free time was scant and wasn't sure I could say the right things. Feel bad about it now that I've been in her shoes.

I have found this forum useful when I've needed some opinions or reassurance. X

[lizzieoak]

Thanks all :) I was having a shite weekend last week & could have done w seeing a friend or two. Not sure why bff since age 3 bailed but turns out my other dear friend is "going through a rough patch" herself. So we've been texting this week & if/when she feels up to it we can hang out.

I just wasn't sure if I should make stuff up about having exciting alternative plans as I worry I look like a sad case when I get stood up (& would rather flounce off instead).

[LellyMcKelly]

The key word here is 'colleagues'. Even if they're great fun, they have their own lives, and families, and friends back in the real world. After moving jobs, work friendships, unless they are very special, tend to drift - not because of malice of thoughtlessness, just because there aren't enough hours in the day to maintain friendships with everyone you'd like to.

[lizzieoak]

Well, one of the friends from last weekend was from work, one was my best friend from childhood. She is not off the hook! The work friend, yes, we will drift apart, but a couple of months out not so much. She has venting to do about work & so do I. I take your point, but it was actually just the one colleague. The rest - supervisor aside - were lovely, but I don't expect to hang out with them.