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He's proved my point really hasn't he?

(33 Posts)
MaxineRockatansky Sat 01-Oct-16 19:35:36

Have been seeing someone for a few years. We both have DC and busy lives so we don't see each other often enough for me to call him my DP. We see each other eow and one night a week.

He's sweet and affectionate (and crucially the sex has always been fantastic) but can be a bit thoughtless/stubborn and when I tell him his actions have irritated/upset me he just goes silent and then texts me the next day/2 days later with some inane message about the weather.

After he messed me about last week (invited me out with him and his friends requiring me to change my child free night with exP which I did). He then didn't firm up our plans or even mention them again, went out with his friends and text me the next day (our usual evening together) asking if he was good to come over as usual hmm.

I was pissed off and told him why. And told him I thought he was godawful at communicating.

His response has been to ignore me since that text (Thursday). He's just proved me right hasn't he?

Won't be contacting him again. Have no time for this crap. He's in his 40's fgs so not likely to change and I have no interest in attempting to change him anyway.

This would have been 'our' weekend but I have wine and Strictly. I'm better off without him aren't I?

Whisky2014 Sat 01-Oct-16 19:36:50

Yup. Sorry

HandyWoman Sat 01-Oct-16 19:43:02

Yep, he's proved a point and you are better off out if it if rais is how he behaves flowers

Sorry..

Enjoy the wine

neonrainbow Sat 01-Oct-16 19:45:48

You definitely are!! Good to see someone who ain't going to take this sort of shit!

GeekyWombat Sat 01-Oct-16 19:52:11

Absolutely you are. Chuck in a takeaway or a large bar of chocolate and you have Saturday night win.

Sorry it's happened though OP. You definitely deserve better.

MaxineRockatansky Sat 01-Oct-16 19:59:14

Thanks you lot <passes round vino>

The relationship was ideal for me at the start as I had not long come out of my unhappy long term relationship with my ex (DCs dad) so some carefree dates and sex were fantastic. The longer it's gone on I've really felt that BF is taking it/me a bit for granted and has gotten comfortable. A bit too comfortable for my liking.

He always comes here as I have a dog which is not his fault but it's just started to feel less exciting and more like I'm getting rid of my kids for the night/weekend and then replacing them with a 6'3 child I'm cleaning up for, cooking for, buying wine for, entertaining.

Feeling like I want to move forward and spend my free time on my own (with the pooch) for a while smile.

Yes, he has. Pulls up a glass

So, you describe him as a 6'3" child and you're buying food and wine. Does he contribute nothing at all?

Any road, he's crap at communicating and/or taking any criticism in am adult and rational manner. Swipe left.

MaxineRockatansky Sat 01-Oct-16 20:30:05

Pre he does bring stuff. He brings olives, wine, sometimes 11.5% pish he's found in the back of his cupboards (to me that's a deal breaker on its own grin). But he makes me tell him what to buy in the supermarket. Can't just choose something nice.

He doesn't often suggest going out and doing stuff (Prob once every 2 months). While I certainly don't want a full on relationship, I do want a bit of a social life and not to spend our time together watching telly/going to bed early.

He's also a noisy eater. I had a thread about it months ago. He's a goner isn't he 😂😂

flightywoman Sat 01-Oct-16 20:34:50

Y'know, you don't need to have a string of reasons or justification for getting rid!

Dump him if you want to, you don't need any other reason than "I don't want to go out stay in with you anymore.

Enjoy your weekend and planning your free time in a way you enjoy

MaxineRockatansky Sat 01-Oct-16 20:39:15

I know I don't flighty.

I guess I posted because I need some sort of validation that I'm not being unfair and a bitch to him before I decide that it's over.

I have high standards but hey that's ok. Maybe I'll meet someone who'll fulfill them and maybe I won't. I think I can be happy either way smile wine.

category12 Sat 01-Oct-16 20:56:11

Your standards aren't that high - it sounds a bit rubbish and you should be having more fun.

People say "high standards" like it's a bad thing. It isn't. And don't ever feel badly for having some self respect.

If you really want to, you can feel badly that I've been here for half an hour and am still thirsty... >waves empty glass in a nonchalant manner within Maxine's eyeline<

fgrin

marleyandme Sat 01-Oct-16 21:20:25

You're absolutely right. It doesn't sound like he's treating you well at all and you deserve a lot better.

Here's to quiet nights infront of the tv with the vino!

SandyY2K Sat 01-Oct-16 21:33:31

Doesn't he ever suggest going out to dinner or to the cinema? Anything out of the house at all?

His failure to communicate on that last issue would have pissed me off.

Fleekorunique Sat 01-Oct-16 21:36:48

Yep, hes a goner.

Look forward wine

2h Sat 01-Oct-16 23:26:18

Onwards and upwards girl.

Kirk123 Sun 02-Oct-16 00:12:14

Get rid , you need to be treated like a princess ❤️

notapizzaeater Sun 02-Oct-16 00:16:19

You are worth so much more x

hermione2016 Sun 02-Oct-16 00:19:30

Oh yes, refusing to communicate and not taking responsibility..you are definitely better off without him.It would only get worse and it would be so draining for you.Nothing ever gets resolved and resentment and lack of trust builds.

Youarenotprepared Sun 02-Oct-16 08:43:16

I would have thought that expecting an adult to be able to do what they say was normal standards... definitely get rid.

lottiegarbanzo Sun 02-Oct-16 09:16:43

Well in context of course you're right. It does sound like he's taking you for granted. It's his response that tells you everything. 'I'm so sorry, I forgot, that's awful of me, I'll make this up to you' would have been suitable.

As a one-off event only, I'd have said he'd forgotten, people do, even about important things sometimes and 'He then didn't firm up our plans or even mention them again' means you knew he'd forgotten too. You chose not to mention it again.

So, your decision is fine but you'd made it before the night arrived. You'd (albeit passively, by not saying anything) set this up as a test.

12purpleapples Sun 02-Oct-16 09:28:29

You don't need to worry about being unfair or a bitch to him - the only reason to stay in the relationship is because you want to. If thats not there any more then nothing else matters.

TheNaze73 Sun 02-Oct-16 17:05:33

His lack of interest says it all OP. Move on

MaxineRockatansky Sun 09-Oct-16 21:03:04

Just a non-update update.

He texted me last Monday and said that I was right. He had been uncommunicative and generally rubbish. That was it hmm. No suggestions of what next or how he might try and make it up to me (not that I wanted that, just thought he might have had the tiniest bit of fight in him hmm).

I didn't reply. Deleted it and blocked him. So my opinion that he's a gigantic, emotionally stunted man-child is 100% confirmed. I've planned a few things with friends for my next free weekend and also lots of stuff to do on my own. I enjoy my own company, going to focus on that for a while smile.

Thanks for all your posts wine.

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