Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Be honest am I a bad person???(12 Posts)
Be truthful am I a bad person. I was with my ex for over 15 years have 3 boys ages 4 and twins 2. When I was pregnant with my 1st DC he cheated on me with his so called best friend, I always got a feeling but I just never could confirm, I confronted them numerous times and they lied to me. He even rented out our annexe to her without asking me beforehand. Separate entrance from us. I've since found out he would take every opportunity to go bang her, say he was taking out the rubbish, having a cigarette, going for a walk etc. Anyways I just had my doubts so I kicked him out after 1st DC he begged to come back and I eventually accepted, I got pregnant with twins found out they were still in contact such as texts and phone calls, still saying they were just friends, I started to think I was losing the plot, maybe they were only friends. I left house, she moved out and got a new place. He stayed but we still did everything as a family and I thought maybe I had been a mug. So all kids are born in June so after party I searched his phone when everyone had left and he was tidying up, it confirmed everything that they'd been sleeping together from I was pregnant with 1st DC. Massive row I cursed them both out, she told me she was going to come and beat me up, teased me about my post natal depression. Called me all sorts of names, it was awful. Me being a mug started back sleeping with him after a while, I felt low and I was disgusted with myself. He then dropped the cherry on the cake that if this girl wanted a serious relationship he'd drop me, so I got so pissed of. Then I found out he was wooing her, he was going to take her to Spain end of month to get serious but viewed me as some fun so I thought I'll get even with you both, her for taunting me about my depression and looks and him for cheating. I contacted her, made up some lie, which she's bought. When she confronts him he'll probably say he's going to top himself, he says that after every row, so I don't take it serious anymore, years of hearing it has made it not have any impact for me, but why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like a bad person, when for over 3 years they had an affair. And this is only the first time I got even? She's mad at him for being unfaithful, I don't get it. I hope I don't get like 50 texts saying he's going to kill himself but when he's put in a situation that's usually his response. I don't like feeling like this. I'm moving on from him I know I deserve better, but I can't stop crying I feel like the worst person in the world.
No you're not a bad person but you've been treated like crap and you've let yourself down as a result. Getting your own back is making you unhappy, not happier.
So scratch revenge off your list, send him a text to say you were mistaken about the lie and hold your head high. They aren't worth it and you're at the start of a new chapter in your life. Go and and make it your own and don't allow someone else's selfish ways to change who you are.
The PP is right, you have been treated terribly, it's no wonder you feel as you do and wanted to get back at them. But look how you feel now? It's not worth it, for your sake, not theirs.
They aren't nice people, leave them to it.
The best revenge is a life well lived anyway.
No you're not bad, just hurt and lashing out which is understandable after all they've put you through. It really is time to put them firmly in your past though, you deserve better than he can ever offer you. In my eyes the best revenge you can ever take is to move on and build a new life for yourself where you can be happy. It's time to close the chapter, personally I don't think it matters whether you retract the lie you told or not, that's up to you but all your energy now needs to go into completely detaching yourself from him (other than contact with DC) and building a shiny new life for yourself
No you are not a bad person, you have taken a hell of a lot of shit and retaliated in a way you now regret. In order to move on with your head held high, is there some way you can undo the lie, such as by saying you were mistaken as suggested by a PP?
For your sanity and health, you need to cut out and move on from these toxic people. Concentrate on you, what you like about you, what you would like to improve about yourself and your situation. Make a plan of where, what and how you see yourself in a year's time and what things you can do to get there. Fuck those people.
And any signs of suicidal messages, warn him you will call the police to safeguard himself, and then do it. Engage only in brief, civil fashion about the children only and completely disengage from the drama.
Thank you all! These messages are making me feel a lot better. I don't think I'll take back the lie as I don't want it to go against my character if we have to go to court to sort visitation out. I will leave them alone. I now realise revenge isn't for everyone. He is a good dad so hopefully this stuff can get sorted and my boys will have their dad around. I would never keep the kids away from him, but I think for the next two weekends I'll keep the kids with me, because he's going to be on the warpath, especially if she's ended things. Probably best for my safety. Hopefully after two weeks he'll cool off and take back his father duties. I'm going to work on myself and not beat myself up for this mistake. I'm only 30 I still got time to start again
If you're not getting treated for depression and you have it, please go see a GO and get meds and counselling which helps you find ways to break patterns of negative thinking & intrusive thoughts. It really does help.
Good plan! Please start by changing your user name, you're far from pathetic - you're young, with a full life to come with love and laughter with your children and much better people than these twats in the future!
No, you're not a bad person to have done something you now regret. The pair of them have treated you appallingly. What a pair of absolute shits! They deserve each other. And you deserve to be treated with respect, with kindness. I sincerely hope you find it.
If he contacts you with suicide threats tell him that after the way he's treated you, you just don't care any more but the emergency services might. Maybe.
Feel way better. Yes I think I'm very depressed and if he does play the suicide card, I'll just send the police round to his. Because that's his get out of jail card. Life's tough but I've never one day thought of harming myself as my boys need me. Thank you all again!
Do not ever sleep with this low life again. What on earth were you thinking ?
Competing for a man is way beneath you.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.