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First date cancellation- would you give another chance?

(15 Posts)
VIX1307 Sat 01-Oct-16 14:00:19

So ive recently come out if a long term unhealthy relationship that completely destroyed my self esteem after he broke up with me 3 times in as many years.
After the 3rd time i decided enough was enough and didn't take him back.
It is now 2 months on and I've just started to venture into online dating.
I've been speaking to a guy who seemed really keen to meet me. After 2 days of text conversation he asked me out yesterday afternoon for tonight? He said "I have plans but let me know if you want to go out and I'll cancel them as would love to see you" i told him this wasn't necessary and we could just meet when we were both free but he insisted it was ok. Roll on to this morning (day of the date) and he asked me "whats on the agenda today then?" i said i would be free from 6 tonight and that we should get a drink somewhere. His response was "tonight? I couldn't shift my plans as ive already cancelled twice and i got a guilt trip phone call from my friend this morning" he then offered an alternative date but its made me feel slightly annoyed.
Would you give the benefit of doubt and rearrange?

elQuintoConyo Sat 01-Oct-16 14:03:20


Don't let past experiences cloud your judgement, but it is good that you are questioning possible shitty behaviour.

Good luck!

Ragwort Sat 01-Oct-16 14:08:29

It sounds as though you both might have misunderstood each other so perhaps yes, give it another chance. But if it is not a clear arrangement then don't pursue it.

TheNaze73 Sat 01-Oct-16 14:15:23

Sounds like a misunderstanding to me

rookiemere Sat 01-Oct-16 14:43:48

I'd meet him if you like him, but I would be extra on the lookout for any dubious behaviour. To be fair it sounds like miscommunication rather than anything else.

VIX1307 Sat 01-Oct-16 14:48:39

Yes we spoke and it does sound like miscommunication. We didnt firm up plans. He just said he was happy to cancel and i said ok then lets do it. Also later in the evening he said "looking forward to our date" i assumed he meant today but he said he meant it in a general term for when we have the date. Ugh! Yes i think i am just wary as my ex used to do this all the time. Claim we hadnt made plans when we had or "forgot" about them so i think i am a bit more wary than i should be maybe

daisychain01 Sat 01-Oct-16 14:51:25

Nope I'd throw the fish back in the sea.

I don't get that people can't organise a whatzit in a brewery. My view of OLD is. Come on guy (or girl) free your diary, make the date and stick to it. If you mess about now so early on, there no telling what you'll be doing later.

You only have one chance to make a good first impression.

hard hearted granite face emoticon

Borne from experience of OLD (see thread by poor MNer who is on a train going to meet some arse wipe who cancelled because of a puncture, yeah right!) and that my DH would have walked over molten glass, because he took the dating decision seriously.

Branleuse Sat 01-Oct-16 14:52:57

id give another chance, but no more than that

Ginslinger Sat 01-Oct-16 15:03:42

I think he's flaky for saying that he had plans but could cancel them in the first place.

MsStricty Sat 01-Oct-16 15:14:11

No. Don't re-arrange. Leave it.

What if you were to see your experience with him as a kind of miniature version of your relationship where there were three break-ups? Already he's on strike one. If you're going to break a pattern, meet with someone who turns up the first time; at the very least, it's a far more auspicious start.

ladyformation Sat 01-Oct-16 18:35:47

Misunderstanding - I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but protect yourself by being completely clear on the next arrangement, as in "let's meet here on Rhiw day at this time". If he agrees and then dicks you around, that's your answer.

Cary2012 Sat 01-Oct-16 18:39:33

Sounds genuine, worth one more chance, but only one mind!
Hope it goes well

HandyWoman Sat 01-Oct-16 18:46:57

Anyone who says they intend to cancel a prior engagement to go on a first date would go right down in my estimation. That's flakey. And gives totally the wrong impression.

However Since you've got past this point I wound say do nor overthink or try and second guess what the deal is. That way lies over investment.. Stay on the lookout for shit behaviour or flakiness (well done OP). Two strikes then bye bye...

TheFinalNamechange Sat 01-Oct-16 21:14:17

Give him the benefit of the doubt this time, it sounds like a misunderstanding.
Having said that tho, I briefly dated someone who was like this- offering to cancel prior commitments to see me, and cancelling on me for other things/"forgot" he was meant to be doing something else. It wasn't just me he did it to, but his friends as well. The first couple of months showed no sign of this either, but once a bit more comfortable, it became apparent his life was/is just so disorganised and I got bored of it very quickly after that.

Lelloteddy Sat 01-Oct-16 21:24:45

I would run a mile.
I suspect his 'other plans' involve another OLD.
Too complicated, too early.

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