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Empty nest

(10 Posts)
Lostandfounddad Fri 30-Sep-16 23:30:46

My youngest started school in September and, after his settling in period, this has been his first week full time. He's doing brilliantly, but me less so!

I'm just finding myself really down and lacking motivation during the day, when they're at school.

I went part time after my marriage breakup to have the smalls 50/50. They've been my priority for the past 4 years. I guess now they are both in school it's just made me realise, away from the smalls and work, how empty my life is.

I've struggled since my wife left me, financial difficulties and depression. I don't have family local for support, my mum was going to move down to us but she died suddenly Boxing Day. I don't have any friends in the town I live, I stayed here because it was a perfect family town for the smalls to grow up in.

For my friends at work I maintain a facade, I don't think anyone knows what I truly feel. I feel so very lonely and I just seem to lack the knowledge, motivation, energy or will to do something about it.

antimatter Fri 30-Sep-16 23:38:05

I am a single parent and can say with certainty what keeps me sane is my activism. I am spending many hours writing, campaigning and plotting with my fellow Feminists Sisters smile

Try to find something what you care about and get involved in a small capacity. Giving back to society for the cause you are passionate about is going to make massive difference to your self esteem and you are also going to make new friends.

Would that appeal to you?

springydaffs Sat 01-Oct-16 13:49:30

You're grieving, op. Of course you're going to be feeling empty - and that's aside from the kids going to school. Give yourself space to grieve for your mum. Shocking blow when it is a sudden, unexpected death. Takes a good while to get over (years) flowers

Is the mother of your kids around at all?

You say you went p/t - can you up your hours? It'll take a while to find a new normal so give it time - but in the meantime, start sowing the seeds for new possibilities eg join some groups, follow up some interests. See where it leads.

Dragongirl10 Sat 01-Oct-16 16:26:25

so sorry you are feeling like this op, l am sure you are still grieving for your lovely mum.

How about upping your work hours, it will yake your mind off how you are feeling and sort the financial strain too.

Think about what you would like the next part of your life to be like and then make some changes towards it. Good luck

Footle Sat 01-Oct-16 16:28:53

On a practical note, what cover do you have for holidays and illness ? These long schooldays seem to shrink pretty fast at times !

Lostandfounddad Sat 01-Oct-16 18:30:23

I can't really up my hours at work, as then I would need to put the kids in breakfast/after school club. Day shifts at work are 8-4, and there is no scope to change the times. I would also lose working tax credits with more hours, so I'd actually be worse off.

My ex wife is around, she has the smalls the other half the time. She is due to give birth in December. too. I think that doesn't help in my empty nest thoughts, and my general feelings.

I realise I should try and join groups, but it's tricky as I work shifts at work so often I'm either on lates or have the smalls - I'm possibly using this as an excuse as I'm just struggling for motivation to actually try and improve things. Just burying my head in the sand I guess.

WinchesterWoman Sat 01-Oct-16 18:37:21

Can you join the council gym. It would fill an hour and set you up for the day with some endorphins. Then cook supper ready for later then take yourself off with your laptop and / or a book to sit in the local neri'sto get you out of the house. It would be a start. Good luck and I agree with the activism comment.

junebirthdaygirl Sat 01-Oct-16 18:59:37

Could l assure you that you have many wonderful years ahead as a father so while it's a change its not the end by any means. Maybe take up some exercise in the morning. Keep busy and look forward to seeing you little ones after school. Could you volunteer in the morning where you could meet some people.

springydaffs Sat 01-Oct-16 21:45:46

I'm not sure whether you're male or female (not that it matters) re are your kids biologically yours. Bcs it's very unusual for a biological mother to leave their kids being. Though, sadly, it does happen.

Sounds like you have the 'yes but' syndrome - which can be a symptom of low mood /depression. ie loss of hope, or future planning; inability to see or imagine progress ; apathy. Par for the course with grief flowers

Perhaps approach life a day at a time for now. Plan small things for just today. Tick them off, even if one plan /goal is to clean your teeth (quite an achievement when you're low). You could draw up an hourly timetable to follow - I've tried to find a template but not hard to draw one up yourself. The great thing about a timetable is you just do what it says without asking yourself whether you feel like it.

summerainbow Sun 02-Oct-16 07:40:05

So you have have smalls 50 50 you don't want to work full time . As effects your benefits.
You don't want to put your kids in child care like every other working parents does.
I think you need to work extra when kids are not with you .
I think you need to future for your self surely you want take your kids on holiday . Put your thoughts uni or do want your kids end up on benefits like you are.

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