Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Im lost, is it me or is this abuse?

(15 Posts)
deepwater71 Fri 30-Sep-16 22:14:24

This is my first time posting and it's really hard.
I've been married for a couple of years and straightaway my husband changed, out all the time, paying attention to other women but just friendly apparently hmm now he's off work on sick for genuine reasons.
I'm working 45hours a week and totally exhausted but he's out all day till midnight, watches porn rather than be with me, is horrible when he's drunk but seems to have convinced me I can't be without him.
I'm suffering from depression I know, bulimia and self harming because he makes me feel so rubbish, I'm angry all the time and just want to sleep, he's made me feel suicidal sometimes but when he thought I had taken pills he just went sleep leaving me crying which I do all the time, but he says it's me that is mental.
I don't know what to do, I feel like I can't be without him but I want to get away a lot.
He says I'm worse than all his mad exes, I don't think I am, I'm getting to the stage where I literally can't function, he's just gone out again because I wasn't ready quick enough even though he's been out all day already, I don't know how to sort this mess out, everyone thinks he's wonderful, he can be nice but to everyone else, I just want to it be like it was before, I'm so down it's unreal.

marleyandme Fri 30-Sep-16 22:21:09

I'm sorry you're going through this.
Firstly, are you seeing a therapist or getting any treatment for your depression? I know how isolated that can be and it sounds like it's making it even worse being around him.
Do you have any support in RL that you can turn to?

thestamp Fri 30-Sep-16 22:21:29

He's abusive.

You can leave him. It doesn't matter if others think he's great. It doesn't matter if your "worse" than his exes (which, who cares about his exes! Why is he even saying that!!!).

What matters is he makes you absolutely miserable to the point of suicide. NO ONE is allowed to treat someone they love like this. He's not even allowed to treat a stranger like this!

Please love, get out. The only reason you feel you need him is because he wants you to feel that way! He wants a punching bag and you're it. I'm sorry. This probably isn't what you want to hear.

Sending you love and strength, you deserve peace and contentment, your post has made me so sad for you and so angry at him!!

ImperialBlether Fri 30-Sep-16 22:31:32

I think when you first met him he was acting out of character in order to suck you in.

Why are you staying now? Please don't say you love him! Do you have children together? Do you have anyone you could stay with?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Fri 30-Sep-16 22:36:11

Confide in a friend. Go and stay with her and go cold turkey. Nothing will happen to you if you dump him!!
Apart from you will gain self respect and likely solve some of your mental health issues. Give him a date to move out. Then move back home when he has gone. Block all contact.

ImTiredMum Fri 30-Sep-16 22:42:58

It made me sad reading what you've wrote.

Yes it is abuse, nobody deserves to be treated the way he is treating you.


MotherFuckingChainsaw Fri 30-Sep-16 22:44:05

all his mad exes

It's not you. It's him.

FeelingHotHotHotOhYeah Fri 30-Sep-16 22:48:41

He's a manipulative bell end! You can and should leave him! Kick him out on his arse, change the locks and tell him to stay away. You deserve so much more than this. And you say he's genuinely off work sick, so how can he be out all the time hmm he's playing on things to get an easy life doing what he wants and treating you like crap. Tell him if he wants to act like a teenager then to go back to his mammy!

Remember, you DO NOT need him, and would be so much happier without his lazy scheming manipulating behaviour

deepwater71 Sat 01-Oct-16 01:15:03

Ah typed a long message and it disappeared, I'm going to get my head down for a bit now, he's back and snoring away without a care in the world as long as I don't antagonise, it's OK. I will post more tommorow thank-you everyone, you've given me a lot to think about I'm just feeling a bit dead inside and emotionless tonight

deepwater71 Sat 01-Oct-16 01:16:23

Oh and he's a 57 Year old so really should know better, the days of going back to his mummy are long gone lol

MoominKitten Sat 01-Oct-16 01:34:00

All his mad exes = major red flag. Run for the fucking hills, you're not the first he's done this too.

He falls under that definition of insanity 'continually doing the same thing and expecting different results'.

He's abusive, get out while you can.

Topseyt Sat 01-Oct-16 03:18:14

It would be interesting to know what all of the mad exes might say about him.

It might run somewhere along the lines of run for the hills because he is a serial abuser. I'd be willing to bet good money that they weren't/aren't quite so mad after all.

Thattimeofyearagain Sat 01-Oct-16 05:57:58

Its not you sweetheart.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 01-Oct-16 07:00:10

They probably were mad, actually. Not at the time he met them, but eventually. Hopefully most of them have recovered.

You managed before you got together with him, didn't you? How come in two short years you've lost the ability? The short answer is: you haven't. Like any half-decent magician he's convinced you of something that can't really be true. You think you see it in front of you as large as life and twice as natural, but once you're away from his hypnotic voice and influence you'll snap out of it and think "wtf was that all about?"

Run away, run away.

category12 Sat 01-Oct-16 08:30:44

Leave him. Just go.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now