Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I doing the right thing? Need advice...

(6 Posts)
user1475261579 Fri 30-Sep-16 20:11:35

Before I ramble on - I'm basically looking for any words of wisdom from people that have been there, done that with this smile

I split up with my boyfriend of 2.5yrs recently. We live together as we're both young and I'm in the area while I'm studying. He's gone back to visit his family for a short while (they live about 3-4hrs away) and I thought it was good as he needed support through this time and he doesn't have many people around him locally apart from me.
So I got back from work today and he's left me a note to say that he still loves him and wants us to be together, he will change etc. the usual.

The issue is and the reason I split up with him is that we have different goals. He's very sure he wants marriage and kids and I feel like I'm way too young to be thinking about that and to be honest, I'm not attracted to the thought of either. Aside from those reasons, which I accept could change, I may want kids and marriage several years down the line. He makes me feel bad for visiting my family. I finally managed to get him to visit my family after over 2yrs together recently and I was naturally excited to see them! He was less so.. he was grumpy all day before we went to see them and made sure I knew about it. He doesn't understand when I go and visit them as often as I can (every couple of months), although he doesn't have an awful relationship with his family. He stopped me seeing my friends from back home because he wasn't keen on it.
On the other hand, he says he loves me lots and he does things that would reflect that too. He cooks for me often and lets me watch what I want to on the tv even if he doesn't enjoy it. He gives me lots of affection.

So I'm basically asking if I'm doing the right thing by ending this? As sad as I am to admit it, we're not 100% right for each other, we're best friends but I don't think we're really soulmates.

So please also tell me your stories of meeting the perfect person. How did you know they were perfect? Have you ever been in the difficult position of ending it with someone who is so close to being perfect, but isn't quite there.
Is there such thing as two people who are perfect for each other?

I'm sorry for my probably horribly naive story!

user1474816476 Fri 30-Sep-16 21:01:14

I don't know how young you are,but many, maybe most people break up in their late teens and early twenties with their first loves. You need to trust your gut instinct. If you're not keen on settling down yet,it's no good doing it for another person. You will damage both of your lives if you do. It's not easy to break up,and when people are hurting they say and do anything to make the pain go away.I'll change etc.. You need to live your lives separately, discover yourselves and you WILL meet the person who feels 100%right. I promise. And even if you don't,you would live a life you've chosen,and not one that you stayed in because you didn't want to cause or feel pain. When you're young,heartbreak is important to go through as well. That's what so many songs have been written about :-) It's hard,but don't go back now. Once you've already expressed that need to be on your own,don't go back. It'll make no one happy. (ps. I had a similar experience in my early twenties. Broke up with him,moved out.
For four years I travelled, lived abroad, had amazing friends, few flings and finally met the one to settle down with).

user1475261579 Fri 30-Sep-16 21:18:40

Thank you for replying, I think what you've said is exactly what I needed to hear. It's good to hear from someone who's been there smile

Marmighty Fri 30-Sep-16 21:22:33

Don't stay with someone who behaves like that when visiting your family for the first time or tries to make you feel bad for how close you are to your family, or stops you seeing your friends. He sounds controlling, you are well shot of him.

TiverMeShimbers Fri 30-Sep-16 21:42:06

Of course you've done the right thing. You're young and have your entire life ahead of you. Do you really want to spend it with someone who doesn't understand or even support your desire to occasionally see your family? Never mind the fact that he "stopped you seeing your friends"!? I mean WTF?

Trust your instinct. It is not right and he will not change.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Fri 30-Sep-16 22:19:49

If he was the man for you he would be happy for you to spend time with your friends and family. .
His 'love' sounds like 'control' to me.
Sounds like you have had a lucky escape.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now