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Is there a name for this sort of behaviour?

(30 Posts)
LynetteScavo Thu 29-Sep-16 19:31:42

When someone subtly, but very effectively, aggravates another person, then when the other person becomes annoyed, makes out the other person is wholly unreasonable. A show of being a calm rational person will then take place as they try to placate the person they have annoyed.

ilovemykitchenaid Thu 29-Sep-16 19:36:03


Ineedmorelemonpledge Thu 29-Sep-16 19:38:38

It's a form of gaslighting isn't it?

Missyaggravation Thu 29-Sep-16 19:38:40

Both of my significant exes did this. With most recent ex when we argued, everything was always my fault. So infuriating

artlessflirt Thu 29-Sep-16 19:40:53

Sounds like my OH...

Missrubyring Thu 29-Sep-16 19:42:23

I'm sure it's gaslighting. hmm thinking face

MaxineRockatansky Thu 29-Sep-16 19:43:31


Or if you want it more science based, it's a form of gaslighting

Vvlgari Thu 29-Sep-16 19:44:14

Ha! Mil does this to DH. Needles him till he snaps at her, then gets all offended and behaves as though he's a massive bastard to her.

petalsandstars Thu 29-Sep-16 19:45:34

Also passive aggressive

Anniegetyourgun Thu 29-Sep-16 19:45:55

I believe the correct term for someone who does that is ex partner (or ex boss, former friend, family member I no longer speak to - you get the picture).

pinkyredrose Thu 29-Sep-16 19:46:09

It's called being a cunt.

justdontevenfuckingstart Thu 29-Sep-16 19:47:09

Gaslighting. Does it go like this? Little comment after little comment after little comment time and time again. All on their own nothing. But you finally blow after being picked apart after the last little comment. Then comes you being massively unreasonable and out of your mind because YOU have caused an argument over ONE tiny little comment.

leaveittothediva Thu 29-Sep-16 19:53:19

Functioning Sociopath.

Elllicam Thu 29-Sep-16 20:00:31

I used to have an ex like that, he would delight in driving me slowly insane. For example if I said I didn't like something like him rubbing my neck he would do it continuously until I snapped at him then he would act all hurt and offended that 'I didn't want him to touch me'. It sounds petty but it was all the time about everything. He seemed to get joy from me being upset. Eventually I asked him about it when he was drunk and he admitted he found it funny and he did it to everyone. I think it is gaslighting.

mineofuselessinformation Thu 29-Sep-16 20:01:25

XH used to do this. He once provoked me to the point where my heavily pregnant, very hormonal self put my foot through a door (he of course, had become completely reasonable throughout the whole thing).
Yes, absolutely gas lighting.
What happened?

LynetteScavo Thu 29-Sep-16 20:01:45

Also passive aggressive

Yes very!

(This is not DH by the way)

I've just realised this is just how this person operates constantly.

And I've also realised I play the part of the aggravated person....even if I'm not that bothered. Because that's the quickest way to stop the "needling" for want of a better word, because it is very passive aggressive.

2rebecca Thu 29-Sep-16 21:11:35

Winding someone up?
Being a goady fucker?
If a recurrent patter I'd avoid them, although once you have identified the way they work it's easier to let it wash over you and refuse to play their game and just walk away/ smile sweetly and say "sorry you have let it upset you"

drspouse Thu 29-Sep-16 21:26:27

Does it count if the person has (or say they have) poor memory?
I tell my mum I don't like something or that we'd prefer not to do X or it's inconvenient. She goes on about it/asks again/forgets/assumes we'll change our minds. Eventually I get cross and am accused of blowing up at her and tell her I told her this already/she suggested it last year and the year before/it's never been convenient before. She tells me she doesn't remember me saying that and that I'm incredibly rude.

Huldra Thu 29-Sep-16 21:35:51

My Mother.

Wonderflonium Thu 29-Sep-16 21:40:24

I have a colleague like that and I fell for it last week. So annoying.

LellyMcKelly Thu 29-Sep-16 21:40:43

It's attention seeking behaviour, and gaslighting. Often associated with narcissism.

Chinnygirl Thu 29-Sep-16 21:59:05

Oh she has a name. She is my dads GF. Pleased you have met her wink

bummyknocker Thu 29-Sep-16 22:03:54

My sister. Needles me, belittles me, When I object, says I'm just joking, calm down, can't you take a joke, oh dear, poor you, rolls eyes and smirks.

DoctorBeat Thu 29-Sep-16 22:10:37

Omg ellicam - you have perfectly described my most recent ex. So glad I dumped him. He even had the audacity to say I couldn't take a joke. My and my new chap do nothing but laugh, but it is never at my expense.

2rebecca Thu 29-Sep-16 22:11:14

"It's only funny if you're laughing with the person not at them"
One for the "Did you mean to be so rude?" mumsnet line.

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