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sex question

(35 Posts)
Caz101x Wed 28-Sep-16 16:22:25

I hope its ok to post this here, I did try in the sex forum but it wouldn't post. I'm unable to orgasm during sex or even get close, that I'm aware of, in fact I can't feel a lot 'in there' and it sort of feels numb, is this normal? We are both inexperienced despite being in our 40s blush any advice what to do?

Sassypants82 Wed 28-Sep-16 16:24:57

Sounds like a question for your doctor.

user1471519641 Wed 28-Sep-16 16:25:14

You need a lot of cuddles forplay for a long time touch each othet relax massage will help too

ShowMeTheElf Wed 28-Sep-16 16:28:20

Caz, just like in real life where you wouldn't ask a personal question of someone you hardly know. MN has some limits on how many times you need to post and how long you need to have been around before you can post in the Sex topic, because some people do just join up, post a couple of times, and then encourage people to share their own intimate experiences for no reason.
I hope you see your GP and get the help you need..

Happybunny19 Wed 28-Sep-16 16:30:46

You're quite normal, especially if you're fairly inexperienced. I waited a few years before I was able to climax through intercourse. You need to try positions where clitoral stimulation can be maintained, as many woman are unable to come through vaginal stimulation alone. I find woman on top probably the best for this, as you have all the control. Don't stress either, that really won't help, but just have fun practicing.

HermioneWeasley Wed 28-Sep-16 16:34:18

Can you orgasm when you masturbate?

EssentialHummus Wed 28-Sep-16 16:36:46

Can you orgasm through oral sex or masturbation? If yes, I'd guess it's just a matter of trying different positions, lots of foreplay, and taking the pressure off reaching orgasm in general.

Caz101x Wed 28-Sep-16 16:49:20

I can't orgasm through oral, it doesn't do much for me to be honest. I'm not sure I orgasm though masturbation, I can get a pleasant feeling inside for a brief second but it doesn't involve touching the clitoris confused. How long should foreplay last usually? He does a couple of minutes maybe and that's it!

user1471535250 Wed 28-Sep-16 16:51:30 say 'I' till the end where you say 'we'. Please don't feel you have to be coerced into having sex with a man. If you don't enjoy it then don't do it- tell him to get a hobby!

ALaughAMinute Wed 28-Sep-16 16:51:52

We are both inexperienced

There's your answer!

You need to educate yourselves. Google beginners guide to sex and learn all you can. You could also go to the library and have a look on YouTube.

EssentialHummus Wed 28-Sep-16 16:57:23

This will sound odd, but I think you need to practice masturbating / getting a sense of what feels good to you / how to get yourself to orgasm. If nothing else, you can't tell your partner what feels good if you struggle to articulate it to yourself.

Viviene Wed 28-Sep-16 16:58:25

I second EssentialHummus. That and a glass of wine before should do the trick.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Wed 28-Sep-16 17:01:57

This will sound odd, but I think you need to practice masturbating / getting a sense of what feels good to you / how to get yourself to orgasm. If nothing else, you can't tell your partner what feels good if you struggle to articulate it to yourself

Spot on.

Also a couple of minutes is no good and will do nothing if you're inexperienced. Quickies come later when you both know how and what works.

Caz101x Wed 28-Sep-16 17:02:56

Thanks everybody! User1471535250 - don't worry I'm not being co-erced, if anything its me who's more keen, maybe because I want to get this damned elusive orgasm!!! grin

HermioneWeasley Wed 28-Sep-16 17:27:02

Agree with others, you need to work out what works for your body and then you can show him. It is likely to take more than a couple of minutes though!

category12 Wed 28-Sep-16 18:14:13

You might like to try a sex toy such as a vibrator, on your own or with your partner. As per pp, learn your body's reactions. Don't get too fixated on orgasm, but on getting pleasure and building from there.

Czerny88 Wed 28-Sep-16 19:16:08

The chances are that you are normal, particularly with what you say about inexperience. However it could be a psycho-sexual issue, there could be a physical - perhaps neural - problem, you may be suffering from the side effect of some medication, or it may be an issue of technique which could be solved by self-exploration, perhaps using a vibrator. Also a couple of minutes of foreplay is unlikely to be adequate.

You're probably the best person to find what works for you when you have time and privacy, but feeling "numb" doesn't sound quite right to me, so it might be worth a visit to your GP to - hopefully - put your mind at rest.

Cubensis Thu 29-Sep-16 10:57:41

Try e-stim and poppers
Nobody can stop the cum train on those bad boys!
Enjoy x

NotTheFordType Thu 29-Sep-16 11:55:08

A couple of minutes?! I orgasm pretty easily and I still want a good 20 minutes.

Bear in mind that the majority of women can't orgasm through vaginal sex. We need clitoral stimulation. I'd recommend getting a bullet vibrator or a rabbit one and using it on your clit and see what happens.

TheGirlWithAllTheGits Thu 29-Sep-16 11:59:05

I agree re: more masturbation. Do whatever it is that gives you a good feeling, but keep going. You can't break anything and you'll know when you actually do orgasm. It's more that just a pleasant feeling inside smile

skyyequake Thu 29-Sep-16 12:01:50

I second NotTheFord that sometimes the clitoris needs to be involved. Maybe work your way up to vibrators and such, but first just start using clitoral stimulation in your masturbation. Then when you know what you like, get more damn foreplay out of your partner!! More foreplay will help you to enjoy the sex more even if you can't orgasm purely through penetrative sex. If you don't orgasm, get them to finish you off with clitoral afterwards! Or do what NotTheFord suggested and find a vibrator that stimulates your clitoris whilst having sex.

whaaaaat Thu 29-Sep-16 12:05:06

Cube, grin the cum train?! Haha! All aboard!!

OP, I don't know how to say this without being a bit graphic and all TMI, but....when you're alone, think of something\watch something that really turns you on, but don't touch yourself. Your mind is more a sexual tool than your fingers. Keep watching and or thinking until it's almost too much without touching. Give it another couple of minutes from there and then go for it. HTH

Every1lovesPatsy Thu 29-Sep-16 12:05:33

I suggest:

Buy a bullet and lube, use it on your own. I have found after a while your body responds more strongly to stimulation once you have become familiar with the enjoyment of it.

Read up about orgasm if possible, I found reading up on information designed for teenagers explaining orgasm was beneficial to me (in my 30s).

My fav position is him lying on his side facing me, me lying perpendicular and resting my legs over his hips, him entering from the side, and you can also use the bullet in this position and there is lots and lots of stimulation.

Read up on "orgasm plus", some women need external stimulation to orgasm. What I have learned is the more you orgasm the easier it is to climax.

Caz101x Thu 29-Sep-16 13:32:37

Thanks for the replies! I do have two rabbit vibrators but they don't really do anything, maybe my clitoris is not very sensitive. He also is not very big so really the only position we can do is missionary as other ones he pops out or flops, doggy is painful for me too. Foreplay is so short as he seems to lose his erection quite quickly so as soon as he's ready we have to go!

skyyequake Thu 29-Sep-16 13:38:51

Well then he needs to see a doctor about erectile dysfunction!

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