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Do Emotionally Abusive people know they are EA?

(7 Posts)
lyndaday Wed 28-Sep-16 13:12:08

A friend's ex, who i am still linked to on FB, recently liked an article which has a go at Trump for using emotionally abusive tactics in his first debate. I read through the tactics and friend's ex did most of those things to my friend. I was shocked (which doesn't happen often) that he could link to an article that basically outlines his own EA traits. I know that friend confronted him over lying, bullying and gaslighting so it's not like he should be blissfully unaware of his own behaviour. Which got me thinking, do people who are EA just not know that they do it or are they in some kind of denial? BTW I have unfriended him now.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 28-Sep-16 13:13:15

Some do, some don't

Myusernameismyusername Wed 28-Sep-16 13:16:30

I think it fluctuates. It becomes ingrained behaviour too. Also pointing it out usually makes it worse because that person will do anything to not have to face up to their actions.

It's almost like a completely different set of everything - morals and behaviours to non EA people.

hermione2016 Wed 28-Sep-16 13:22:15

I think some people have very low emotional intelligence (most likely from family of origin) and as a result can be EA.My stbxh maybe on this category.He has low insight into his or others behaviours so can empathise or determine when he us unreasonable.Without insight he can't adjust his behaviours.

I think others do know exactly what they are doing and choose to continue if it gives them benefits.

hermione2016 Wed 28-Sep-16 13:42:08

* ah on phone, Can't be emphatic.

MidnightVelvettheSixth Wed 28-Sep-16 13:46:47

Its both, I'm very sure that some people get their kicks from controlling others & being bastards. And some will say til they're blue in the face that their behaviour is normal & its the other person being difficult/awkward.

If you have a person who is gaslighting or verbally bullying because that's what their parents modelled to them as a normal adult relationship, then the chances are they don't realise its abhorrant. I know a man in his 40's who still calls his mother 'a stupid woman' as his father called her that & it became the norm.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 28-Sep-16 15:05:05

My experience was that the EA person got a bit giddy with puffing up her ego at others' expense. (We are talking about the full menu of Death By Ten Thousand Cuts.) She was so focused on her wit and timing and orchestrated scenarios that she'd never considered the effects on the other person.

When it was pointed out to her, she would deflect with #whatever:
She had no idea what she did wrong
The other person is being too sensitive (classic-she can dish it out but never ever ever never take it)
Will apologize for any aspect except her behavior (sorry you were offended, it is a misunderstanding, lets agree to disagree, and yes: "sorry for whatever it was I did")
Get huffy and claim that she now has to walk on eggshells to not offend...(Hilarious as everyone walks on eggshells around her 24/7)

I genuinely think she would never admit to it because it would be a character flaw and she has to "save face". She dressed up as Mary Poppins one Halloween based on the Practically Perfect in Every Way clause.

She is my sister, we are no contact now.

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