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Confused

(4 Posts)
Emotional17 Wed 28-Sep-16 12:23:42

First time post. Been with Dh 12years, married 4. 3 children together, and 10,6&2 and 2 teenage sons from previous 17&15. From the beginning dh was brilliant with my 2 boys and brought them up as his own. When our first child together was 1 we split for 1yr due to arguments (nothing major). After that he moved back in and things were good. Since my 2eldest boys have grown into their teens things have been more difficult, dh is quite strict and controlling over bedtimes, xbox and wifi on school nights. I think they resent dh and walk on egg shells as he can be agressive( shouty) and they tend to do what he says even though they don't think he is being fair. I think he is to strict, but it's his way or no way. Last year out of the blue dh left us, and didn't know what he wanted. I was completely and utterly deverstated, as we're the kids. I think the 2eldest were secretly a little glad, and although at times they did really get on. Dh got himself a flat and I was left to pick up the pieces, and me and the kids went through absolute hell. He started having the kids at his flat for a few hours here and there. After 3months he decided he did want us all back together, cried and begged to come back, and so I gave him another chance and 3 months after that he moved back in. We have been trying to work on things, but not hard enough tbh. In the last few month he has started to lie bout a few things,small things, but they add up. Recently he has told a bigger lie, and done something behind my back ( not cheating and nothing to do with opposite sex). I was really angry and let down and told him to leave. He said this isn't what I want, but went anyway. I have changed all my finances over to being a single parent. He wants us to make it work while living separate, and with a view to moving back in eventually. I love him so much, but he keeps lying and hurting me and I don't think I can trust him anymore. So do I give him another chance, and or break it off completely. Dd, 10 is affected most, and think she has anxiety over it. Sorry for long post x

tallwivglasses Wed 28-Sep-16 12:32:09

Sorry you're going through this. Do you think you'll be able to trust him again? Do you respect him? Do you think your older boys will respect you if you allow him back?

ElspethFlashman Wed 28-Sep-16 12:37:04

Ok seriously, you've got to stop the revolving door.

He's out, and now keep him out. He's a shouty lying wanker and you have to be consistent for your kids.

To be frank, at this stage it stops mattering whether you love him when his disruption is affecting your kids. They have to come first and the adults in their lives have to stop being so flaky.

Emotional17 Wed 28-Sep-16 13:58:48

Thank you for your comments. I don't think I can trust him, and I don't think I respect him. My elder children probably stopped respecting him some time ago. I know the things you say are so right. I don't know how to get him out of my life, and I although he has to have contact with the children.

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