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Is it just the case that some people never get their comeuppance?

(31 Posts)
Dieu Tue 27-Sep-16 17:07:02

Hello you lovely relationship lot

Have just been having a wee think about my life … and desperately trying not to get too down or bitter!
My 18 year marriage ended nearly 4 years ago. Husband cheated repeatedly and is living happily with the OW. She herself had been married twice (no kids) and cheated on both husbands.
I find it hard going sometimes, being a single mum of 3, but it's not like I have a choice (and to be fair, he is a great dad).
My ex husband's father is blissfully happy with the woman he saw behind the back of his wife (ex's mother). They have now been married for the past 25 years.
A happy ending for all.
Meanwhile I am starting to dip my toe in the waters of online dating (a whole new world for me), only to be disappointed thus far.
I thought I believed in karma, but now I'm not so sure …
Somebody give me a kick up the arse! I'm wallowing, and it's just not like me.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Tue 27-Sep-16 17:11:38

Those women are in relationships that begun with lies and deceit. I bet they all worry slightly how loyal their oh really is to them. When you meet someone it will be a blank page for you with no skeletons. It will be worth the wait. Patience!!

AnyFucker Tue 27-Sep-16 17:12:07

Kill him

Tootsiepops Tue 27-Sep-16 17:12:54

There's no such thing as karma, sadly.

Dieu Tue 27-Sep-16 17:14:13

Thanks both! I had all these fantasies when we split. Meeting someone else, losing weight and being my best self, finding a fab new job, discovering mummy superpowers that I thought I never had (although I am a good mum). Reality hasn't quite stacked up!

FayKorgasm Tue 27-Sep-16 17:19:13

Good things happen to shitty people and shitty things happen to good people. I don't believe in karma, that's just a way of silencing good people. If someone is a shitebag I won't hold my tongue.

Dieu Tue 27-Sep-16 17:21:02

Forgot to mention, ex has made frequent sexual advances towards me since splitting. So he can't even stay faithful to the woman he left me for! He's not a bad person overall; just flawed and a bit messed up. Confuses love and sex all the time.
So maybe that's a bit of karma. Although I wouldn't ever tell the OW about the passes, as I'm not like that. And don't know her personally anyway. In my less decent moments, it does frustrate me that she is blissfully unaware! blush

TheNaze73 Tue 27-Sep-16 17:21:05

The concept of karma is nice, the reality is though, that it's complete bollocks

Dieu Tue 27-Sep-16 17:22:20

Yes, re karma, I think you are all quite right.

wideboy26 Tue 27-Sep-16 17:27:58

It is frustrating. However, all you can do is hope that they are happy living with their consciences when you could never do what they have done. Just be true to yourself and live the way you believe is right. You'll be happier that way.

magoria Tue 27-Sep-16 17:30:11

Well your ex is about as happy with OW as he was with you if he is propositioning you and more than likely other OW as well.

Lucky her, what a catch eh?

benbry Tue 27-Sep-16 17:34:18

What goes around comes around........not in my experience. Life is random.

Sometimes, just sometimes however, someone gets what they truly deserve and that is a moment to treasure.

DixieWishbone Tue 27-Sep-16 17:38:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 27-Sep-16 17:39:17

I've known a few really shitty people who always seem to land 'butter side up' no matter what vileness they perpetrate on others.

I do believe in karma to a certain extent but it's not 100% of the time. But I also believe that we are not always meant to actually see the 'what comes around' when it does. I think a lot of these vile people do get their comeuppance in ways that we don't always recognize as comeuppance.

benbry Tue 27-Sep-16 17:42:33

Dixie most liars and cheats I know are perfectly content and stress free. The same can't be said of those around them.

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 27-Sep-16 17:52:22

I'm another non karma believer, I've actually come to the conclusion, it's thrown around to make us keep the faith that being a good, decent person pays off in life, when sometimes it really doesn't. I always think of a friends brother when I even hear the word, drug dealer, flash cars, fancy homes, luxury holidays, designer clothes, jailed several times for serious violent offences against women, fighting fit and just had another baby to another young women, despite being 50.He lives life to the full, mostly because he has the money to do what the hell he wants, he has never even had a job. Where's his Karma ?.
Returning to your situation, i suspect you are underestimating yourself in how far you have come in the last four years.You will of achieved many things.Sometimes, we do feel sorry for ourself because it's not easy being on your own with children, but at least you are a strong, independent woman, who is not being taken the piss out of by a philandering husband, you must focus on this.It sounds like he is better suited to the Ow! they seem to have similar morals.

Dieu Tue 27-Sep-16 17:55:47

Thanks mum, kind words.

chiquita1 Tue 27-Sep-16 18:04:45

I am desperate too, my husband is one of those cheating jerks (which later came out that he had cheated on his exwife too) that NOTHING ever happens to him. He leaves a trail of destruction and he just keeps on with his life. It makes me furious

Cary2012 Tue 27-Sep-16 18:10:34

OP, I think OW has got her karma, she's with an untrustworthy man who is making sexual advances to you! I bet she doesn't trust him an inch!

"The best revenge is a happy life' so focus on making yours as happy as you can and move on, is my advice.

aLeopardanditsSpots Tue 27-Sep-16 18:10:58

I don't believe in karma either.
I was also with a cheat, fortunately found out before I married him. The wedding was planned and paid for. What did I do to deserve the devestation and humiliation of my fiance running off with a 21 year old?.
Nothing that's what. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. Except maybe the women who think it's fine and dandy to fuck other womens husbands.
My exs ow will get her just desserts because the man she so desperately wanted is a compulsive liar and a serial cheat. I honestly can't imagine how she sleeps at night or let's him out of her sight.
He on the other hand will never get what he deserves. He's faced the consequences of his actions a few times (he's also a thief and general conman) but always seems to bounce back just fine. And that really pisses me off quite a lot.

Dieu Tue 27-Sep-16 18:17:41

I'm not sure Cary. I think for her, he is 'the one'. I honestly don't think she has her doubts or fears. Of course, this could be because he has painted a bad picture of me grin

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Tue 27-Sep-16 18:20:59

With cheating in the past on both sides, it is IMHO very likely in time it will happen again and everything will fall to pieces.
It's probably not karma as such, but the way in which some people lead their lives, means they inevitably end up unhappy because of their poor choices in the first place.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Tue 27-Sep-16 18:25:01

Things aren't always as rosey as they appear.

Dieu Tue 27-Sep-16 19:08:47

My feeling is that they'll be together for life. I could be wrong. My ex, despite the unfaithfulness, is actually fairly passive in relationships. I think it would take a lot for him to stray again. In a way, he is still a bit traumatised at the pain he caused me.
Madame that's true.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Tue 27-Sep-16 19:13:04

I don't really think people always get their comeuppance; unfortunately.

My Dad cheated when I was younger and left for a much younger woman. They're still together, extremely happy and wealthy and living a charmed life, to be fair. My mum is rather bitter about it and much as I would prefer for her sake that she wasn't, I can't say I blame her much.

Sometimes things just aren't fair. I think that's a hard thing to accept.

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