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I think we're coming to the end.

(6 Posts)
snotbags Mon 26-Sep-16 21:08:34

We share a house and a ds who is 4. for quite a while now i've been going off dp. I dont mean to come across as a complete bitch - really I dont.
But last year i had one of the worst years ever, (had 3 Mc's, cared for my dying nan, lost my stepdad and eventually my nan, it just took its toll).

Dp's dad was diagnosed with cancer which they said was treatable and yet he had a breakdown over it. I resent him to this day that he wasnt there for me when i needed him and he crumbled at the slightest bit of bad news - this has turned me off him slightly. put together with the fact he has since gave up work to go on ESA the plan was that come this month ds would start school and dp would start to look for work again.

Instead he has gone back to college to study art and has no idea at all what to do with this course when hes finished. He acts like a 17 year old kid, doesn't do any of the housework, leaves parenting completely to me, unless ds needs disciplining then hes there ready to shout at him.

For him its all about not getting enough sex, for me its about doing everything in the house, cleaning, cooking, being a parent to ds plus I work full time - then that other person whose done absolutely nothing coming in and wanting more off you and I just feel drained. He went away recently and I loved the time alone with ds to the point where i would love to be on my alone and that scared me, i knew things were getting worse but nothing prepared e for how much I loved being away from him.

Tonight i was telling him about my shit day, he stood listening then farted then grabbed my boobs and asked if i wanted a quickie to destress.

we ate tea in silence, then I went to bed to do some work, he followed me and started reading his book and again gabbed my boob, so i shouted at him to fuck off and asked him why he was following me. now he's in bed and im on the couch looking at houses to rent. I really cant see us going back to the way it was. He is not the person I met, hes changed so much and I basically just dont like his attitude.

HappyJanuary Mon 26-Sep-16 21:13:29

Yes you sound like two people who don't like each other very much any more and make each other miserable. Have you discussed separation, it doesn't have to be acrimonious if you're in agreement.

snotbags Mon 26-Sep-16 21:30:00

No i havent mentioned it to him but I will do, weve been together 16 years since we were early 20's, back then it was all partying and saving for a house, working in good jobs - Now I gave up work on maternity leave to go self employed so although im working full time house im not making full time money yet. this is what scares me about leaving!

He is not the person he was 5 or even 2 years ago. Its like since ds came along he hasnt a clue what to do with him, I could count on 1 hand the number of times he actually gone and done something with him off his own bat, usually its me saying Ive got to work and he will say Ill take him to my mums - where she watches ds and he gets to sit around on his phone again. Im 36, people I went to school with are having lovely holidays, nice homes and getting married.

Instead ive found myself with a 40 yr old man going through a teenager regression - If I met him today Id run a mile. I dont have any friends to talk to in RL, The ones I do have are all settling down and have just bought houses of their own so are all wrapped up in them. I feel so alone and trapped right now and I cant believe ive ende dup in this situation!

Myusernameismyusername Mon 26-Sep-16 21:39:09

I really feel for you but I think it's clear it's reached the end, at least for you.
I know how you are feeling now but actually I am your age and being alone and raising kids and working and earning can actually be very liberating and I rarely feel like you describe, because no one is at home making me feel that way anymore,
A bad day is overcome with some chocolate and a film sofa snuggle with my kids or a glass of wine (bottle) on the weekends with my friends. Even now and again the odd date if they are lucky wink

You can build up that nice life you want and I honestly promise you that what you see on Facebook is not exactly all it seems.
I take all that with a pinch of salt. Not all marriages are as happy as people like to portray them all over social media and people often get themselves into a ton of debt with all the fancy material things. Doesn't mean you can't save for a house one day.

You have started your own business? You already parent single handedly? You are already half way there.

I agree about trying to keep it amicable, you've outgrown each other maybe and it's not good for kids to live in an unhappy household.

It's not nice he grabs you like that it suggests he's just totally clueless how to interact with you. Perhaps you having your life together makes him feel intimidated but clearly not enough to get off his arse.

You have to do what's right for you and your child. And it sounds like you already know that that is!

TheNaze73 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:40:07

You both sound like you have passed the tipping point.

snotbags Tue 27-Sep-16 09:55:24

myusername thankyou for writing that, it's nice to hear someone has gone through it and survived. I want the life you have now. I don't care about dating or nights out I just want to be able to look forward to going home.

I slept on the couch last night, well more lying awake crying on the couch actually. He got up this morning and got himself ready whilst I got ds ready. Then he said he was going to take him to school and ds was jumping up and down as he was so excited! This is the 1st time in 4 years he has taken him.

Then he came home and went off go college and kissed me goodbye. So now I get to sit here moping all day alone.

I still think it's too little too late and that he's already shown his true colours, he wasn't there when I needed him to be, instead he's off in his own little world. I'm looking at housing associations today to see how to go on the list for them.

I'll probably be vack here later on babbling away

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