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Car and DHs reaction

(51 Posts)
shockedandupset1 Mon 26-Sep-16 20:46:10

I have name changed but feeling absolutely awful.

My car is being serviced and borrowed DH which is old and a lot bigger than mine. I am a careful driver and it was fine. Got back home and was backing car into drive (as I cannot get out easily in morning. All fine but there was a pedestrian waiting to walk past so stupid me managed to scrape the car on our high wall at side of drive because I panicked and went back so he could get by. In hindsight I should have ignored him as he was waiting but it was off putting.

I pranged the car and dh has sworn at me calling me a C...NT. I feel absolutely devastated and I cannot apologise enough. I've offered to pay for a respray, give him my car or even buy him a new car. I have some savings.

My ds has
home so no one to talk to. I feel useless and said to him that I wish I was dead. I can't stop crying. My dh is always horrible if something gets damaged or broken. He is abusive and makes me feel crap about myself.

I know he has every right to be angry and it was a silky mistake.sad

dublingirl48653 Mon 26-Sep-16 20:48:12

he is the c--t
get the hell out of there

ImperialBlether Mon 26-Sep-16 20:51:25

He sounds really horrible. The car can be fixed but his personality will probably stay the same.

Gymnopedies Mon 26-Sep-16 20:53:42

He has no right to be angry, things are just things they don't have feelings (but you do and your H has been horrible to you). You have offered to pay to fix it, no need to be sorry.

Phillipa12 Mon 26-Sep-16 20:56:16

When i was married i drove my car into the back of my husbands car as i was following him home, i wrote his car off, not once did he call me a cunt or any other rude name......accidents happen and if your dh is like this over a scrape i dread to think what hes like when something gets significantly more damaged, your dh is the cunt not you.

OneEpisode Mon 26-Sep-16 20:56:52

You made a mistake and you offered to put it right.
Perhaps imagine a colleague telling you this story. If they scraped a stranger's car? The colleague should apologise and offer to put it right. if the stranger called the colleague a cunt, you'd advise the colleague to call the police.

HeyDuggee24 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:00:54

Total overreaction from your Dh. Accidents happen, that's why we have insurance!

Dh put three gouges that run the length of my car due to a misjudgement when parking on the drive. Could see how gutted he was when I got in. Told him it was OK and I loved him. Because it actually doesn't matter.

You've said sorry and offered to put it right. He now needs to apologise to you and address his anger issues!

DollyBarton Mon 26-Sep-16 21:01:07

You've got to be kidding me! You did absolutely nothing that deserved him speaking to you like that. Ever! If I did that my DH would probably give me a hug and tell me not to worry.

You need to get away from this man. No relationship is worth that kind of abuse! He drove you to want to hurt yourself! He should be bloody locked up for that kind of psychological abuse!

Joysmum Mon 26-Sep-16 21:01:10

DH and I have both pranged each other's card over the years and put ourselves out to reassure each other when it happens as we know the other would be putting themself through more than enough angst without adding to it.

shockedandupset1 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:01:38

I don't think he wants to be married to me. He accused me of fancying the male pedestrian and why hadn't I told him to F off out of the way. I know there are no excuses for his behaviour. I wish I had parked it on the road but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Bubblebloodypop Mon 26-Sep-16 21:04:36

The thing is, even if you had never scraped the car it would be something else. Maybe you'll tumble dry his favourite jumper and ruin it or spill red wine on the carpet. Your accident isn't the problem, his reaction is.

Fairylea Mon 26-Sep-16 21:06:20

He sounds absolutely bonkers and quite frankly nuts. Totally abusive. This is not your fault.

Orchidflower1 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:07:07

So sad for you that you're feeling this way - it was an accident and you didn't mean to do it. It's hard when you love someone and they loose their temper easily- my dh would probably have reacted the same way. It doesn't make it right but I just want you to know you're not alone. 🌷

ijustwannadance Mon 26-Sep-16 21:09:57

You wished you were dead because you scraped his car and you knew how bad his reaction would be?

shockedandupset1 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:15:36

It was my fault in the sense that I should have not misjudged the drive. I back my own car in but it's sloped uphill and tight. He asked me why I didn't use the side mirror. Never mind. It does high light the relationship built on sand.

It's always about not spending money and the fact that I bought a more up to date car than him when I got redundancy from my job. He earns much more than me but pays most of the bills. I do try really hard to make our home nice and be thrifty. I feel guilty spending any money but he can be generous.

ITCouldBeWorse Mon 26-Sep-16 21:18:14

Sounds bizarre. Unless he is great everyday and this is a total anomaly, I would be thinking of a exit strategy.

OneEpisode Mon 26-Sep-16 21:20:39

To pp, my DH would not have reacted like that. I have done it and I can still
drive his car when needed while he takes the bus.
My mum has done this to d dad's pride and joy so many times, and d dad never reacted like this.
It's a stereotypical "woman's accident" by the way. Slow speed, low cost, no casualties. And almost perhaps caused because the driver didn't feel they had the right to take up space on the road for as long at they needed..

Hoppinggreen Mon 26-Sep-16 21:22:26

I wrote my DH car off once.
He just wanted to know I was ok.
Your OH is vile

shockedandupset1 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:24:01

Exactly it. I thought I had done well taking the car and driving through the rush hour etc. It has put me off driving in some ways but I am usually fine.

OneEpisode Mon 26-Sep-16 21:26:35

I love my car. Its independence. Car keys =options to escape.
You were made redundant. Did you return to work somewhere else?

LivininaBox Mon 26-Sep-16 21:27:18

Your DH is a total arsehole, that is not the reaction of a decent person, and certainly not of a loving husband. Everyone makes mistakes, it's just a bit of paintwork. The way you are talking is really worrying, try and put things in perspective - you made a very minor mistake, no one was hurt. Maybe time to ask yourself what you are getting from this relationship?

Helbelle75 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:27:36

Gosh, that's a horrible reaction from him.
I totalled my dh's wing mirror putting the bins out the other day. Offered to pay for it etc and he was fine. And he's very particular about his car.

shockedandupset1 Mon 26-Sep-16 21:37:43

When Dd was a baby a skip Lorry hit my car from behind, it was badly damaged. Dh asked me why I was out in the car at that time, late afternoon. Not was I ok.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 26-Sep-16 21:38:06

Your DH is an arse. I've reversed into a bollard and taken the wing mirror off DH's car. Oh and then the time I went too far forward and put an exceptionally neat hole in the number plate - who designs parking spaces with things sticking out at number plate height?

My DH is usually a little cross and he will read me a lecture about carelessness - which is totally fair enough.

Your DP's reaction is ridiculously OTT and I think you should really think about whether this is the right relationship for you.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 26-Sep-16 21:39:09

I also suspect he has something to gain by making you very nervous of driving. I'm not a confident driver and when I've had a prang I can see DH biting down on being annoyed because he wants to build my confidence, not reduce it.

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