I've been feeling so alone this weekend and it has turned into bitterness today. i don't think i've ever felt bitter in my life before. i've always been so happy with my own life, i've never had a need to compare.
I don't know why i'm even posting really. I know only I can change it. I just feel so lonely.
I've got a good career and I own my own home. From the outside, it all looks pretty good. But last night I cried myself to sleep because I felt so sad. I want a family.
Everytime I go on Facebook there's another baby photo, engagement, wedding, anniversary, child's birthday, DH's birthday, romantic weekends away, or even just photos of family gatherings. When I go to work, it's the same... it's all anyone talks about. My single friends are dropping like flies... my closest friend got married last month, and she's very much in my life still, but I know that I don't matter THE MOST to anyone. And that's hard sometimes. Everyone has that person who can collect them from the train station when it rains, or will be on the other end of the phone when your day at work has been shit (yes, i know friends do this too but it's not exactly the same). someone who will do the shopping with you on a rainy sunday, or help take the bins out. someone to talk about work with after a long day. to cuddle.
Reading this back, I can't really believe it is me writing it. I have always enjoyed life, I've had a couple of serious relationships, and as far as online dating goes, I'm never short of people who want to organise another date. I love meeting new people, and I have my own interests. I just suddenly, literally this last week, feel so lonely.
I want someone to cuddle on a friday night, to plan meals with, even share the cost of petrol!!! silly things like the expense of going to weddings alone has started to upset me. People ask if i want to stay in the local hotel... no, because i cant afford it!!! even down to buying gifts. i know this isn't what a relationship is about (obviously), but it's just an added extra when im feeling particularly bitter.
This has turned into a horrible, bitter rant. I feel so scared that i've been left behind. it certainly feels like that right now.
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Another baby photo, engagement, family gathering... my loneliness has turned to bitterness. Feel so sad.
lightofthrees · 25/09/2016 19:22
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