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Am I being unreasonable?

(17 Posts)
karmacoma1 Sun 25-Sep-16 10:42:18

Hello. First time poster, long time lurker.

I have no one to talk to about this, as I don't want anyone in 'r/l' knowing my business.

I am 15 weeks pg with mine and my husbands first child. The first trimester hasn't been easy, I've suffered from really bad ms, and the usual tiredness.

Anyway, last night my husband, our 'friend' and I went out about 7 to a theme night at a local pub. I drove, the plan was to have a couple of drinks then go home. We had said amount of drinks, and it was obvious that they were both really enjoying themselves - I was shattered though so I said to the friend whilst my husband went to the loo, why don't you stay out for a couple more, share a taxi to drop you both home? Friend is ok with this, husband is ok with this and says let me walk you to the car.

I get to the car and husband starts making noise about how little money he has ( I get paid before him monthly) I offer to lend him £30, try to transfer to his bank but he has his banks messed up from charges, so I give him my bank card.

I drive home, alone in the dark through the city to the shitty, dodgy area we live in, go inside and out on the tv. A couple of hours go by and I've heard nothing off him. No text to see if I got home ok, nothing.

I check whatsapp, he was active 3 mins ago - so his phone has not died, I check my bank and he's taken out over £100.

I send him a text angry about the lack of contact and the money and I just get a text back saying YOU said I could stay out.

I cry myself to sleep, and he returns this morning after being out all night, and when I confront him, he starts shouting that I was being mental, and his friend said that I flipped out and stormed off because someone at the pub offered to buy him a drink?!

I'm so hurt at being made to be feel like I'm a pyscho, by both of them! I've tried so hard not to be a controlling pregnant wife and I just get treated like a taxi/cash machine,

So now we're just sitting in different areas of the house.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel so alone.

gamerchick Sun 25-Sep-16 10:48:54

No you're not and it's fucking irritating when you trust your bloke with your card and they go all out. I know you're not supposed to give out your card and yes it's your own fault etc but seriously the one person you're supposed to be a team with lets you down like that.

He knows he's in the wrong and will make it your fault somehow so he doesn't have to acknowledge how much of a cock he's been.

He owes you the money and get your card back. If you want to look at your relationship as a hole then so be it but in the meantime don't give him your card again.

gamerchick Sun 25-Sep-16 10:48:55

No you're not and it's fucking irritating when you trust your bloke with your card and they go all out. I know you're not supposed to give out your card and yes it's your own fault etc but seriously the one person you're supposed to be a team with lets you down like that.

He knows he's in the wrong and will make it your fault somehow so he doesn't have to acknowledge how much of a cock he's been.

He owes you the money and get your card back. If you want to look at your relationship as a hole then so be it but in the meantime don't give him your card again.

gamerchick Sun 25-Sep-16 10:48:55

No you're not and it's fucking irritating when you trust your bloke with your card and they go all out. I know you're not supposed to give out your card and yes it's your own fault etc but seriously the one person you're supposed to be a team with lets you down like that.

He knows he's in the wrong and will make it your fault somehow so he doesn't have to acknowledge how much of a cock he's been.

He owes you the money and get your card back. If you want to look at your relationship as a hole then so be it but in the meantime don't give him your card again.

gamerchick Sun 25-Sep-16 10:49:42

man don't know what happened there, I only sent it once hmm

Costacoffeeplease Sun 25-Sep-16 10:54:32

There's a couple of things here, did you agree a limit he could spend? I'm not sure why you expected a text, and then sent him an angry text - he was out having a few drinks, I wouldn't have expected him to check in in these circumstances, plus you suggested going home and him staying out

However, staying out all night, his reaction this morning, and the stuff about what his friend said - that bit I wouldn't be happy about

karmacoma1 Sun 25-Sep-16 10:55:53

Hello, thanks for the reply.

I will get the money back, but as for an apology, you are right - he is trying to act like it's all my fault.

I honestly don't know how to resolve it without me giving in. It's exhausting.

karmacoma1 Sun 25-Sep-16 11:02:03

@costa regarding the money I didn't give him a limit - the agreement was that he would have a couple more drinks then come home - which £30 would of covered - so to have no contact then see over a £100 has gone was a it of a shock.

Regarding the text, we live in a pretty rough area, so I was a bit put out he wouldn't even check to see a made it home ok. Also I just felt like once he had the card and had gone it was out of sight out of mind. And it pissed me off.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 25-Sep-16 11:11:33

But you know what kind of area you live in and volunteered to go home alone - it would have been nice to get a text but not worth crying yourself to sleep over imho

Does he have form for over-spending or did he just get a bit carried away?

Trifleorbust Sun 25-Sep-16 11:18:19

Where did he stay?

Topseyt Sun 25-Sep-16 11:27:34

He is taking the piss.

I read it that you had actually said £30 before giving him your card. Never give anyone your card by the way. Banks take a very dim view of it if anything does go wrong and it is a breach of your terms and conditions.

I would have taken the £30 out for him and kept my card with me.

He cannot be trusted with your money. He has shown that. He has also called you "mental" and demonstrated amply that he cannot behave reasonably following a night out which you helped facilitate for him.

Serious conversations are in order, and if he can't do that reasonably then he needs a verbal kick up the arse.

karmacoma1 Sun 25-Sep-16 11:28:48

@costa not so much but the last month I have had to cover the shortfall in terms of petrol for his car etc as he overspent going to a festival. We've had a conversation regarding us having to both cut back as we have a child on the way. He said he understood then this happened.

@trifle he stayed at the friend who I mentioned flat.

Trifleorbust Sun 25-Sep-16 11:31:33

And what did he spend £100 on between whatever time you went home (10pm?) and going back there? Something doesn't add up here.

karmacoma1 Sun 25-Sep-16 11:31:56

@trifle your right. I really shouldn't of given it him, but i trusted him.

The money is no so much the issue for me, but being made to feel like I'm this controlling 'her indoors' not just by him but by what was meant to be a mutual friend.

Topseyt Sun 25-Sep-16 11:38:05

So he can be a big spender. Gets carried away?

Not acceptable really. Don't give him your card again, and change your PIN number, as he clearly knows your current one and can't be trusted if he does get his hands on the card.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 25-Sep-16 17:10:45

Maybe gambling or a prostitute?

IreallyKNOWiamright Sun 25-Sep-16 19:24:24

Sounds like he went to a strip club or something. I can't imagine spending that much on drinks wine

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