Suddenly retrospectively furious with DH

[ProjectGainsborough]

DH works away a lot. It means that I work all day, pick the kids up then do all the childcare and household stuff.

He's been gone all week andhad a boys night away booked into the calendar this weekend. To be fair, he doesn't go out frequently, so I didn't feel I could ask him not to go. But we've just had out attic recarpeted and as the bedroom needs to be used today, it meant that yesterday was spent shifting furniture up stairs, on my own, in between feeding and entertaining the kids / getting them to clubs etc.

All of a sudden, I'm fucking FURIOUS. It's taken me back to the place I was in when the kids were small and I felt completely abandoned. When I hear people say things like, 'Oh, Tom takes the baby out on Saturdays so I can have time to myself,' I feel like screaming.

I've never had that. It's all just been me. I'm furious about things that happened years ago, all of a sudden. I'm furious that he left me in hospital years ago when I had a (non malign) breast lump removed, to go on his company leaving do. He wouldn't even wait to see me go into the operating theatre. I'm furious that he had to travel 3 weeks before I was due to give birth and we had to fly a friend over in case I would be left to give birth alone. There are so many things and all of a sudden I am so angry.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Wait - he left you to go to work's leaving do when you were having surgery? I'm sorry OP but that's awful :(

The working away bit is a bit tougher. If it's a requirement of his job, presumably you knew about it when he took the position/you got together and know he can't necessarily pick and choose when or where he goes?

It sounds like this weekend is a bit of a red herring and that there are other issues at play?

[Guiltypleasures001]

I'm so sorry op but for the leaving you pre op is proper Cuntish behaviour, ive no idea how you got passed that, actually come to think of it you haven't.

[ProjectGainsborough]

It is cuntish, isn't it? There was so much going on at that time (young baby, we were leaving to go and live abroad) that I just swept it under the rug. My mum came to stay to look after me, even though by that point he'd left work.

He does pitch in more now, when he's around, because I've put my foot down, but it's been tough to get here. His mum was a very capable housewife type and I think having babies just threw us back into some kind of 50s stereotype - in which I was an unwilling participant.

Thanks for the responses. Think I was a bit incoherent in my OP. Not sure what I want from this thread apart from to vent / process.

[OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay]

I get this - the retrospective rage about things that happened years ago. It's usually when something new happens that brings it all into focus, which sounds like it's happened here!

He does sound like he's behaved terribly. My DP could be a bit like this when we were younger - no leaving me after surgery or anything like that, but he definitely looked after number one. He was raised to be the centre of his own universe by his mum (who I very much like so no MIL bashing - it's a cultural thing) and it's only really being with me and our life together which has made him understand why you can't always do exactly what you want when you want.

Saying that though, your DH should have wanted to be with you after surgery. Wanted to be with you before you gave birth. I think that's probably the issue