Stbexh, the ils & contact

[Blushingm]

Stbexh has the dc on Saturday afternoons.

Today ds didn't want to go - partly because stbexh wouldn't say where they were going and partly cos he wanted to go out with his friends instead. Stbexh got really shitty but finally conceded that at almost 15 ds could choose.

He insisted dd went with him though. Again wouldn't say where they were going or when they'd be back. Turns out they went to evil ils (where he's living since we split). Ils are interfering and have previously hit ds, purposely made statements to him 'oh you're just like your mother' or 'you can't have your birthday money right now as it will go straight in your mothers purse' among other equally horrid things. They've also had arguments in front of dc where they've thrown things at each other etc. They also obviously favour dd over ds

Am I being unreasonable that if stbexh wants to see kids he can but that I don't want them around ils?

Ds thinks reason his dad didn't say where they were going is cos he knows that if his dad had said then he would def have refused to go - he really doesn't like the ils

[SandyY2K]

I think I passed some info to you about reporting the hitting of your DS. Unless you do that and it gets looked into, you can't demand that the ILs stay away.

Your DS can absolutely decide he doesn't want to see his grandparents, but as your STBXH lives with them ... it's not really feasible.

You should also make mention of how the ILs speak about you to DS. What awful people they are.

[prh47bridge]

The position the courts take is that you can't say who the kids see when they are with you and you can't say who the kids see when they are with him. However, the courts would intervene if there are safeguarding concerns. Whether or not the behaviour you mention is enough to raise concerns is something for the courts to consider. You should certainly start keeping a diary of such incidents and gathering any other evidence you can as it may be useful should this end up in court.

There is nothing wrong with the kids saying that they don't want to see his parents and that they won't go with him if he won't say where they are going. In the absence of a court order they are free to do as they want (and he won't be able to get a court order for your son as the courts will take the view that he is old enough to decide for himself).