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DP's ex sending photos of past anniversary cards

(68 Posts)
Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:09:20

Dp and his ex split up 18 months ago or so.

She seems to contact him every couple of months.

He has told her not to get in contact and she resorted to contacting his parents last month.

As was told not to contact again and hadn't heard anything until today when she contacted him via message with photos of the 2 past anniversary cards he had sent her prior to the split despite the message to him saying she knows they are best apart.

We are buying a house and starting a family together and I thoughts the ex was in the past, but this is getting too much.
I don't know her, I don't want to say anything but what can I do? What should he do if anything?
Do we ignore?

MakeItRain Sat 24-Sep-16 20:12:13

Log all the incidents and keep the messages in case it escalates but I would just ignore it for now.

Hassled Sat 24-Sep-16 20:13:54

Yes, just ignore. Any sort of reaction is going to make her think you care, and that'll just feed it.

Hassled Sat 24-Sep-16 20:13:55

Yes, just ignore. Any sort of reaction is going to make her think you care, and that'll just feed it.

Jaimx86 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:16:05

I feel sorry for her in a way.

rhiaaaaaaaannon Sat 24-Sep-16 20:16:06

She's really not over him, is she? sad I feel bad for her but agree it's best not to feed it otherwise she'll never move on.

Lilacpink40 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:17:02

Is there a reason that she is likely to find this hard for a long time?

For example, did it end abruptly and through his sudden bad behaviour?

I'm not saying it's right, my ex was awful and I'm glad he's gone, just wondered if she was treated very badly so is finding it harder to move on.

Are DCs involved?

alafolie29 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:19:01

You're starting a family and buying a house with someone you've been with less than 18 months?

She's clearly not over it for whatever reason. Unless it turns nasty I would pity her rather than anything else.

Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:20:54

No children involved. As far as I've been told (one sided I know) it was a long relationship that they had grown apart for a long time and they got together young.
There was bad behaviour on both sides and they were equal players in that and to me that's a strong sign it had run its course a long time before they split

228agreenend Sat 24-Sep-16 20:20:55

How long were they together for? She's obviously not over your Dp.

Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:22:25

We've been together a year and yes it's quick but I have fertility issues and don't have a huge chance and love him and he loves me so not wanting to put our own happiness on hold

FoxesSitOnBoxes Sat 24-Sep-16 20:22:28

Oh dear. Does DP respond when she gets in touch? What happened when she contacted his parents? It's a difficult one. You really need to stay out of it but it must be rubbish

228agreenend Sat 24-Sep-16 20:23:01

You're planning to buy a house and start a family within 18 months, and they were together for a long time. Sounds like she is jealous anpbout how quickly your relationship has progressed in a short space of time.

Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:23:49

We are not in the same friendship circles or area so don't cross paths at all.
He hasn't seen her since the split.

She was younger than him and didn't like him socialising together with friends jointly so neither of their friendship circles crossed in all that time.

Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:24:23

I don't think she knows we are buying a house or starting a family as nothing is on Facebook and we or his friends or family don't cross paths

alafolie29 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:25:11

Yeah I think that's it. I actually feel really sorry for her sad I know it's not your fault but it must be absolutely gutting for her watching you get everything she hasn't, especially within such a short time frame. Poor girl.

Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:25:14

I do pity her, it's a shame. She had a new boyfriend within 4 weeks of the split (someone she met through work a long time before)

hermione2016 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:26:27

Are they divorced yet? Just be cautious rushing into this situation, don't apply external pressure for a child as you don't really know this man well.
If they have children then she will never be in the past.

Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:26:40

it just so happens these messages to my dp have picked up recently so I assume maybe her and her boyfriend split up

Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:26:49

They weren't married

Difficultyear2015 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:27:10

They had lived together for a year before the split

Lilacpink40 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:28:09

Have your DPs family or friends ever spoken about her?

She may have mental health issues that make the separation harder for her. Or there could be another side, your DP may have in some way led her to believe that something could still be there (could be unintentionally).

It would be good to know other's perspectives, particularly as you're investing heavily in the relationship.

sooperdooper Sat 24-Sep-16 20:30:17

How long were they together? 18 months is quick to be where you are in your relationship, did you know him when they were together? It's bound to take her some time to come to terms with

Gazelda Sat 24-Sep-16 20:36:49

I don't think you can do anything other than ignore.

Cocklodger Sat 24-Sep-16 20:45:08

Don't engage in this whatsoever. but do keep copies of everything, print outs and screenshots if possible.
DH's ex did this throughout the first year or so of our relationship,then it escalated when she found out we were engaged and on the day of our wedding she tried to kill herself, (she wasn't at the wedding btw just knew of it as it was a big affair in our city, a few friends of friends etc) she was ok (physically at least) afterwards but we never heard from her again. I hope she got help but for the time (about a year and a half/2 years) that we should've been looking forward to getting married we were stressed a lot, had police involved etc. It was shit, to say the least.

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