Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

advice please...feeling lost and lonely

(12 Posts)
whatisforteamum Sat 24-Sep-16 19:38:32

If anyone can help me unravel this mess i would be grateful.
For yrs Dh and i have juggled jobs and childcare and barely seen each other.
Now the dcs are grown up i took on a new job a yr ago which became even more hrs and money so only saw dh about one day a month at most.i loved the job however.
The business is in the process of being sold and i was offered another job mon/fri daytimes.(elsewhere)
..dull work and a bit less money as less hrs.still local work.
I also have the chance to stay put subject to new contract working double shifts over all weekends and 5 eves per week hence i dont see dh for meals and we sleep seperately.I have done this for a few yrs and feel i can never go out as my days off are different each week.I will have 2 a month with dh.
I cant decide as dd moves out this week too and df is very unwell in hospital with an infection he has terminal cancer.
I feel lonely as my job takes up so much of my life however if i take the easier job will i be bored and depressed if dh doesnt bother with me.I wont be up at 7 am and home 1030 ish please i feel lost sad

whatisforteamum Sat 24-Sep-16 20:36:52

Talked it through again with dh and i think split shifts and more money will be the way to go.

pollyglot Sat 24-Sep-16 20:43:51

You need a week away without any of this crap. You are stressed and stretched to breaking point. Take a week's break, then come back to it with a fresh perspective. Is work really worth relationships? Thinking of you.

whatisforteamum Sat 24-Sep-16 21:20:18

Thanks pollyglot i think the whole takeover and new contracts and employers has shaken me.
Work has been my life and ive missed xmas easters mothers day fathers days and everything in between for so long.
I have no close friends in RL either due to shift patterns.Now they want 50 hrs out of me this week.

pollyglot Sat 24-Sep-16 21:35:05

Work cannot be used fully to validate your life, WFTM. Don't make the mistake of burying yourself in it to the exclusion of establishing networks of friendship and to cover the grief of empty-nesting. You are not what you do. You will be looking at retirement before too long and you need to have expanded your horizons beyond the workplace to find who you really are if not a worker. Good luck! If you lived closer, I'd invite you for a weekend of R&R!

springydaffs Sun 25-Sep-16 02:16:57

Do look up workaholism op. here and here

I'm very surprised your marriage has survived tbh sad

3luckystars Sun 25-Sep-16 02:26:46

No money is worth that life.

I am sorry to hear about your dad. I hope this thread helps brings clarity.

whatisforteamum Sun 25-Sep-16 08:26:20

I have looked up workaholism before and i would describe myself as a workaholic.
we both earned little money so had to grab every extra shift.he did 55 hr weeks until his heart attack,Some weeks weve done 180 hrs as a family.That is no mean feat with dd needing picking up in the early hrs.DD moves out so life will be quiet,
Thanks luckystars.Work helps me not have time to worry so much and stops the boredom.Mortgage is paid off.
Not sure if dh will bother with me if i change jobs as he loves watching sport on tv,.Workmates are fun however mostly halfmy age so no chance of friendships out of work and mostly men.

whatisforteamum Sun 25-Sep-16 10:33:10

I meant to say i get 2 weekdays off when dh is working smile

springydaffs Sun 25-Sep-16 11:43:47

Perhaps go along to a WA meeting (workaholics anonymous)

It's a serious disorder confused

springydaffs Sun 25-Sep-16 11:44:35

Not judging you!

whatisforteamum Sun 25-Sep-16 20:31:29

ha ha..yes with df in hospital my boss has given me 5 12 hr days..i doubt i will be there much longer .I can only do so much smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now