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Odd behaviours in the bed

(51 Posts)
whatamessifindmyselfin Fri 23-Sep-16 21:38:57

Have name changed and unable to post in Sex forum.

I met a new man and it's going well. Still in dating phase while I work out if I actually want to be in a relationship. He is waiting patiently, but I imagine he will move on soon if I don't commit. Although we are not actually in a relationship yet, we spent our first night together and I found some of his behaviours odd.

- It took him 3 hours to kiss me with tongues. He seemed reluctant to make the first move.
- He did not get undressed. I tried to undo his shirt, he would not let me.
- We did not DTD.

My initial thoughts were that maybe he is not into me, but he has been persueing me a while, and has made clear he wants a relationship. I am now starting to think may be he is not straight?

Does anyone have experience of this type of scenario?

TokenGinger Fri 23-Sep-16 21:43:12

So because he didn't want to sleep with somebody with whom he is not in a relationship, he might be gay?

I'd say you've got a respectful man there who kept his wits about him, didn't give in to temptation and he's probably waiting to DTD once you are in a relationship.

GreenGoth89 Fri 23-Sep-16 21:45:49

I didn't sleep with DP until 2nd/3rd could be out of nerves/some odd sense of respect/him simply wants to get to know you better.

SuePermario Fri 23-Sep-16 21:46:23

Maybe he's got a third nipple

Tootirednosleep Fri 23-Sep-16 21:49:19

The bloke is probably a bit insecure about himself physically and doesn't want to jump into bed until he feels more comfortable with you.

If a bloke doesn't want to have sex he's gay or wierd. If a woman doesn't want to its fine. Double standards.

whatamessifindmyselfin Fri 23-Sep-16 21:50:30

I am probably projecting a bit here as I know someone who was married to a supposedly straight man who turned out to be gay after 10 years of marriage. Looking back, she said there were tell tale signs with his bedroom behaviours - not interested in sex, even during the early days, hated tongue kissing...

Madinche1sea Fri 23-Sep-16 22:03:47

OP - it does sound a bit odd. When you say it took him 3 hours to get to tongue kissing, do you mean he was kissing you without tongues for 3 hours?

Is it possible he's just the type that likes to chase / date a woman for a while and the bedroom situation on the first night isn't really his thing?

whatamessifindmyselfin Fri 23-Sep-16 22:05:46

No, other than a few pecks on the lips, he was actively avoiding kissing. Would move away.

PinkBrainsTasteGut Fri 23-Sep-16 22:08:52

Maybe you're a bad kisser grin

thehugemanatee Fri 23-Sep-16 22:13:34

Sounds totally normal to me. You're not in a relationship yet. For me, that would mean it's not time to have sex yet.

I don't think he is insecure, gay, or not interested in you. I think he doesn't think that the relationship you have is at the point where sex would be appropriate yet.

Madinche1sea Fri 23-Sep-16 22:13:35

Hmm well maybe he does have some kind of hang up about kissing then. It's unusual, as you say.

TheNaze73 Fri 23-Sep-16 22:14:52

He's either on his game & making you wait rather than vice versa or not into you

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe Fri 23-Sep-16 22:15:32

Maybe he didn't fancy you?

CrazyNameCrazyGuy Fri 23-Sep-16 22:20:44

Maybe he didn't fancy you?

then why would he want a relationship with her?


Czerny88 Fri 23-Sep-16 22:23:00

Could he be inexperienced? It seems odd if his reticence was to do with waiting until you are in a relationship - if it was that, why did he not just say so?

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe Fri 23-Sep-16 22:23:48

It was the first time they tried to have sex, how was he to know beforehand?

CrazyNameCrazyGuy Fri 23-Sep-16 22:28:21

It was the first time they tried to have sex, how was he to know beforehand?

I've always managed to work out whether I fancy someone before attempting to have sex with them.

Well I guess if he's decided he doesn't fancy the OP then he won't be pursuing the relationship aspect.

Helmetbymidnight Fri 23-Sep-16 22:32:07

Why the digs about her not being good at kissing or him not fancying her?

If someone agreed to spend the night with me, I'd expect them to be a bit more enthusiastic OR explain why they weren't enthusiastic...

It sounds odd to me.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Fri 23-Sep-16 22:34:35

Maybe he has a 'small reason' to be anxious about getting physical?

AdaLovelacesCat Fri 23-Sep-16 22:38:56

Maybe he has a caved in chest, a pot belly and a tiny penis with red pubes?

ZippyNeedsFeeding Fri 23-Sep-16 22:45:39

Have you tried to talk to him about it? There could be any number of reasons and only he can tell you. He might be religious, or scared, or on medication which has an effect on libido/performance. He could be an alien who is still trying to work out the mating rituals of your species, ASK HIM! (Okay, don't ask if he's an alien, that could go badly!).
If nothing else, asking him will tell you if you can talk easily to each other about awkward subjects- if you don't feel you can talk to him about anything difficult than that isn't a great sign.

SleepFreeZone Fri 23-Sep-16 22:46:54

My DP was really odd initially when we were first dating. Think Will from Inbetweeners trying to lose his virginity at the party and you've pretty much nailed it. In fact it was so bad I had no plans to repeat the process but I did go back and thankfully over time I loosened him up.

His ex didn't like sex and their sex life was vanilla in the extreme, so I think it was a mix of feeling inexperienced and trying to be respectful. All I wanted was to be thrown about and taken every which way so we won't much of a match.

Nowadays I am still probably more risqué but we have two small kiddies and I'm more than happy. Don't write him off from your initial experience, give it some time.

ALaughAMinute Fri 23-Sep-16 22:53:58

He sounds a complete and utter turn off. Ditch.

SleepingTiger Fri 23-Sep-16 22:58:58

Yes, I have experience of this. From some Hollywood films about the Wild West. You wont go for your gun unless he goes for his gun.

Sounds like hard work and fantasy for both of you.

whatamessifindmyselfin Sat 24-Sep-16 06:56:51

I get maybe us not being in a relationship would put him off sex, but kissing? Odd

Maybe he has someone else.

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