Hi, I'm in a mess and very confused state. My story is very long and complicated (as they are always are in these circumstances!), so I'll keep it brief.
Myself and my husband have been together 11 years. We had a strong relationship, I was completely in love him and trusted him more than anybody else in my life. I don't have a great relationship with my own family, so he was my family. He's suffered with depression and I have struggled with this, but I've always stuck by him.
We have 2 children, ds is 5 and dd is 2. 3 years ago we decided to move out of London to save money. We moved near his parents and I struggled with the change. I became pregnant and sadly that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 16 weeks. Obviously we struggled with this. I desperately wanted a baby so we tried again straight away and I became pregnant with my dd. But I was struggling with the miscarriage and the move.
When I was 11 weeks pregnant he met a woman at work. I knew he was attracted to her, but he insisted they just friends. I was extremely jealous of her and he spent a lot of time with her. He told me when I was 14 weeks pregnant that he wasn't happy and wanted a separation. Emotionally and physically he withdrew himself and his friendship with this other woman grew. I moved away to where we had intended to move to after living near my in-laws, with my son and daughter, but I always wanted to get back together and was jealous of this other woman. I became friends her with to make him happy - he had made out I was being delusional and possessive, I needed to change. But I stopped seeing her a year ago as I felt awful after seeing her. This woman has a child too who is a few months younger than my dd, so we were near enough pregnant together.
Anyway I knew something was going on between them, he had told me loved her but insisted they were just friends. I found out 3 weeks ago, by checking his phone (I did this because I found a hair on my bed) that they have been having sex. I confronted him and they have been seeing each other since I was pregnant with my daughter. The ow is married and had been trying to get pregnant for months, she slept with my husband the same time as she did her husband, and so they feared her baby was his- it isn't as he looks exactly like her husband. They had sex in my home.
Myself and my husband haven't had a great relationship the past couple of years, he has hated me and loved her and so I have hated him. He supported her emotionally and physically during her pregnancy and completely abandoned me and our dd. How could he do that? They had used protection so it was a very slim chance the ow baby was his, but I was carrying his child. I just can't get my head around it at all. I begged him to help me as I was so depressed and anxious, telling him how important it was for the baby that I was happy, but he just pushed me away. He supported her emotionally when the baby was born, but I got disdain. Why?? He says that he wasn't ready for another baby and resented that I got pregnant.
He is in complete remorse now and tells me that he hasn't been happy for a long time and she made him happy and he couldn't let that go. I was just a big bag of misery - well obviously! He tells me he doesn't want to lose our family and he loves me and loves her. I'm his soulmate and she's is twin flame. Whatever that means. He is a huge depressive and I know his relationship with her was an escape. He has not taken any responsibility with our family, I have done this- yes to make him happy... I've been isolated, with pre and postnatal depression for 2 1/2 years. How do I overcome this? He's telling me he loves me but he has to forgive himself even if I can't. He is so depressed because of what he has done. I just want to get him out of my head and heart. How do I do this?? Honestly, I don't recognise myself anymore.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Husband had affair when I was pregnant
Babs200 · 21/09/2016 22:48
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