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partner that spends

(14 Posts)
Munstheword3284 Wed 21-Sep-16 19:20:01

Hi I was just wondering if anyone can give advice on my situation. I've been with my partner 8 years now and have two children together 5 and 1. We get on really well and everyone thinks we are perfect for each other and is a full hands on dad amazing to me and his kids, but lately I've been struggling with the way he spends money. I don't work as I stay at home with our baby, whilst my partner works full time. Every month he gets paid and I dread the day! As it only last 2-3 days tops! We pay bills, and other things firstly then before we know it my partner has spent the rest ( without saving for transport to work and back and other things he needs through the month! ) and nothing to show for the money spent! then the rest of the month I provide the money ( our kids money ) to get him back and forth from work, food, gas, electric and other things we need to get by through the month! He will say shal we go for a meal on payday but if we don't that day we never have the opportunity to do so as the money is gone 2 days later. I'm never treated to a night away or a surprise in any shape or form and is starting to get me down as I look after the kids all the time and seem to provide for them mostly ( because he never saves for a family day out ) I tell him all the priorities that we need first but somehow forgets the priorities until it's to late and the money has gone! Which ends up me having to make ends meet at some point! I never treat myself and everything I get goes on the kids and my partner! I'm struggling to see a future as I'm always finding solutions ( to save the money ) whilst my partner agrees but then still manages to spend the money! I'm very close to tell him to leave and just give me set money for the kids each month because he's only ever sorry for it when it's all gone and can see me struggling for 3-4 weeks! I love him dearly and just wish he would listen and help me out by saving for at least 1 family day out! As it's making me feel like a single mum with ( hands on help ) and no financial help! But I can do that on my own. It's starting to feel like I have another child to look after that can't wait to spend his pocket money as soon as he gets it! It's a major problem to me because am constantly annoyed the day he gets paid and puts me in a bad mood for days after. Any advice would be helpful at this point as I am loosing the will to care anymore about our relationship.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Sep-16 19:26:15

What does he spend the money on ?

I would be wondering about secret debts and gambling

Munstheword3284 Wed 21-Sep-16 19:40:27

He has debts ( before he got with me as I don't agree with being in debt ) but says he needs to sort them. He never goes out with friends always at home so I have thought about the gambling but dismissed it as he rarely goes out.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Sep-16 21:18:31

Most gambling is online these days

BestZebbie Wed 21-Sep-16 21:24:14

How is your overall household set up? You both have incomes? Is the problem that he is so fast to spend his disposable income that you then have to give up what should be your disposable to bail him out?Otherwise, your having to contribute to household and child-related bills yourself as part of a two-income family seems fair enough and it seems like you just have outgoings nearly as high as your incomings overall and this leaves nothing left for either of you.

choli Wed 21-Sep-16 21:42:08

How much money after rent and bills are we talking about here? Have you actually asked him what he is spending it on?

kissmethere Wed 21-Sep-16 23:11:32

If he has nothing to show for the money spent what is he spending it on? Living paycheque to paycheque is hard. His debts sound totally undealt with if your struggling this much. Have you seen exactly what goes in and what needs to go out every month?

RJnomore1 Wed 21-Sep-16 23:15:49

What the fuck?

Op do you know how much money he earns each month abd this how much he is spending? Also how much does he owe? Is it going up or down as an amount of debt?

JustHereForThePooStories Wed 21-Sep-16 23:28:05

You sound more upset that he's not taking you out rather than upset that he's flittering away large sums of money and not making provisions for your family's future.

bloodyteenagers Wed 21-Sep-16 23:44:05

I would in all honesty tell him to grow the fuck up, and starting from this pay day there will be no bail outs from you. He knows his transport costs and he needs to be a grown up and budget..
This is the cost of monthly living and this is his share. No pay no lots of things for the month for him.
Sorry but I couldn't live with a selfish man child.

Luvjubs Wed 21-Sep-16 23:47:29

You need to know how much is coming in and how much he is spending. If there is nothing to show for it, aren't you concerned where it's going rather than you not being taken out? Like other posters, I would be thinking gambling etc. Does he have any previous children? Does he go out a lot? Do you have access to his banking? The set up is really not tolerable and you will resent it more and more.

GiddyOnZackHunt Wed 21-Sep-16 23:54:52

You've had 5 years of parenting like this?

Why does he not have his account set up to take his share of essential bills come out and into a 'bills' account on the 1st of the month (or weekly if that's how he's paid?

I couldn't live with this nonsense. Doesn't really matter where the money's going, the fact is that you and the dc aren't his priority. Something else is far more interesting to him than you.

janaus Thu 22-Sep-16 05:20:57

Draw up a budget, to show him how much is needed to last the whole month. Anything left over, could suggest you save up for a treat.

VeryFoolishFay Thu 22-Sep-16 06:45:00

We've ended up with me managing the money completely and giving him small regular amounts of cash for fuel etc. He then had to think about and account to himself about where it's going. I have the only bank card and the account is in my name. Both salaries go into it. Not ideal but far less stressful all round. He prefers it as he knows that everything is under control and he can just focus on his job. We tried it the other way and this is much better. He has many strengths as a DH but managing money has never been one of them.

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