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4 replies

Hastalapasta · 21/09/2016 13:57

I need some advice please.
This might sound a bit selfish, but my cleaner has just cancelled on me for today because of her abusive ex partner.

She is in bits, he found out that she is seeing a lovely normal guy, and smashed up the front of her car. Repairs will cost a lot, insurance will not cover it as she only has third party protection.

She refuses to involve the police in case he escalates his behaviour.

Understandably she is scared of him. She has no evidence that it was her ex who damaged her car, but he texted her, calling her a cheap whore who stayed in cheap hotels with ugly bald blokes! Her car was damaged whilst parked in a lay-by next to a hotel.

She is in her mid fifties and is a very brave and lovely lady, I have no idea what to suggest, if anything as I have no experience of this sort of narcissistic behaviour.

Any advice would be appreciated, even if it is to keep my beak out! I hate seeing her like this but have no idea how to help her.

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hellsbellsmelons · 21/09/2016 14:03

Would she contact Womens Aid?
She call call them on 0808 2000 247
They might be able to give her some advice of local support services.
CAB can also help her.
She should also contact the police.
Bullies are cowards and you have to stand up to them.
Police can and will help but she needs to speak to the DV team.
She really doesn't need all this at 50+.
Bless her. Be there for her as much as you can.

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Hastalapasta · 21/09/2016 15:51

Thanks hells I did suggest WA but she said his behaviour was not bad enough to bother them .
Guess I shall just try to be there for her.

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hellsbellsmelons · 21/09/2016 15:57

she said his behaviour was not bad enough
Oh dear - there-in lies her major problem.
She's a victim because she won't act.
He's a vandal, he's ruined her car, he's sending abusive text messages that are threatening and 'it's not bad enough'
Sorry but there is no helping some people.
Did she even report the vandalism to the police?
Over 50 and she has 3rd party insurance???
Seems very odd to me.

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Hastalapasta · 21/09/2016 16:23

She is terrified of repercussions if the police go round to his.

She is broke because she left him, I get the impression that he is paying her for her share of the house they shared (that he lives in) in instalments as and when it suits him. She has several cleaning jobs plus shop work just to make ends meet. I am in my 30's and have fully comp insurance so I know what you mean!