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Ex h wants money

(27 Posts)
Cornishmumoftwo Tue 20-Sep-16 21:11:16

I fled an abusive marriage 2 years ago. we are now back in contact for the sake of the children (but always me that does the travelling, he's never been to where we live although he did use a private investigator to find out our address 6 months ago after I declined to tell him)
The house has been up for sale since I left and a buyer is finally about ready to exchange contracts although once the mortgage and arrears are paid there will only be a couple of thousand left.
Over the past few months he has repeatedly tried to tell me that I need to give him money for various expenses he has incurred over the past few years, I'm on income support, have nothing and drive a £500 banger. He knows this and told me to borrow from my father, he started by saying he wanted a minimum of 20k. I have never agreed to give him anything, told him there is no way my father would give him a bean. Several weeks ago after getting pretty fed up at him carrying on again I told him to put it in writing.
Middle of last week I got a letter from his solicitor, he is now after 40k and the net proceeds of sale. He claims I removed items with an estimated value of 20k. I took my personal jewellery and a couple of musical instruments, probable total value 4K. He still has all the house contents and the family car. His breakdown of what he estimates the expenses to be are mortgage, council tax, a personal loan in his name which was used to build a conservatory and 10k miscellaneous (described as electricity, gas, oil, buildings and contents insurance, garden maintenance and cleaning etc.) he is claiming I owe half of this as I have 'in a sense, not left the property at all.' I have returned some weekends so the children can see their father.
the solicitors letter finishes by talking about how he is only likely to be able to afford a one bed flat and finishes with this line. 'Consideration will therefore need to be given to future contact arrangements between our client and the children and we would welcome any proposals you may have in that regard.' He has already previously suggested that for the sake of the children I contribute to his rent so he can get a bigger place.
I had a phone call tonight insisting he needed an answer tonight. I've told him I can't say anything until I've spoken to a solicitor but he still said he will ring back later when the kids are in bed.
Help! What do I say?

RandomMess Tue 20-Sep-16 21:15:29

"You will hear in writing from solicitor, I will not discuss this with you, if you continue I will report it as harassment"

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 20-Sep-16 21:16:34

You don't answer the phone.

tribpot Tue 20-Sep-16 21:17:24

You tell him you will consult with your solicitor, as you've already told him. There will be no answer tonight and if he continues to call you will report him to the police for harassment. Then put your phone on 'Do Not Disturb' or turn it off and you forget about this all.

I doubt the letter was written by a real solicitor, although it's possible. What you do now, however, is consult your own, who I'm pretty sure will tell you he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 20-Sep-16 21:18:01

If you do speak to him you say only these words "I owe you nothing. My solicitor will explain further." Repeat these exact words over and over. But ideally don't talk at all.

When's your solicitor's appointment?

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-16 21:19:07

Stop engaging with him

Stop bending over backwards to facilitate contact with the kids. He comes to pick them up or he doesn't see them

Laugh in his face. Walk away and never communicate with him again

Why are you letting yourself get sucked back into his web ? Stop it, now.

Cornishmumoftwo Tue 20-Sep-16 21:20:03

Thanks. I don't have a solicitor appointment yet, I'm going to try and get one tomorrow. Yes the letter is from a real solicitor, the same one that employed a private detective to get my address.

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 20-Sep-16 21:21:00

On the plus side - if it's a real solicitor that wrote that then he's employed the worst one around. grin

RandomMess Tue 20-Sep-16 21:21:46

BTW he is just bullying you and the starting point is 50:50 but usually the parent with care gets more.

As he was abusive you should be able to decline mediation and be eligible for legal aid.

Speak to Womens Aid they should be able to point you to a suitable solicitor etc.


Cornishmumoftwo Tue 20-Sep-16 21:26:03

Quite frankly I'd like to tell him to fuck off! I don't want him coming to my house and I'm not happy he knows where I am. I'm actually quite nervous about pissing him off, but I don't know why.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-16 21:29:25

If you are not physically threatened by him then by all means tell him to fuck off.

Cornishmumoftwo Tue 20-Sep-16 21:31:48

Af, he never actually hit me but did make threats while we were still together and did things such as trying to smash a plate with a knife in front of my (then) 4 year old and threw things

SecretSpy Tue 20-Sep-16 21:32:39

The solicitor will write whatever he asks them to(and pays them to write) , it doesn't carry any more weight than if I'd sent it.

A court would be extremely unlikely to award him what he's requesting.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-16 21:41:43

He is a fool. If this is a real solicitor it is likely to have cost a couple of hundred pounds for the letter alone. Which isn't actually worth the paper it is written on. Pity.

HuskyLover1 Tue 20-Sep-16 21:47:36

FFS. What a twat. DO NOT speak to him. DO NOT take any calls. He is chancing his arm and will not get a bean out of you. Let him waste money on Solicitors. You have no means to pay him anything and he isn't due anything anyway. Ignore. Stand firm. Speak to your parents as well, they will support you emotionally at this time, and have much wisdom for you (if they are like mine)

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Tue 20-Sep-16 21:47:41

Tell him he can ask for whatever he wants.
Tell him you want Brad Pitt as your next husband now he is available but hell bet you both end up disappointed. What a dick. Tell your solicitor to advise him you won't be discussing anything at all with him except through your legal team from now on.

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 20-Sep-16 21:50:47

Any solicitor worth their salt would have explained to him that what the letter contained was farcical.

CiaoVerona Tue 20-Sep-16 21:55:46

Engage your own lawyer to explain you guys have zero assets to split Id also be inclined to tell him you refuse to have zero contact going forward other then through legal means.

Starlight234 Tue 20-Sep-16 21:56:54

This is time to start your new life...Are you getting CSA...If not apply. I do understand the not wanting him to know your address..I did this with my ex... But you can arrange to meet him somewhere public to collect children.

Don't bother answering the phone tonight..Turn it off.. Your children are with you so no need to receive calls.

Cornishmumoftwo Tue 20-Sep-16 22:29:41

I did answer tonight but purely to say he won't get an answer from me until I've spoken to a solicitor. Seems his game is blackmail, apparently the buyers want to exchange contracts, he says he can't until he's heard from me. I directly challenged him and said so you are saying if I don't agree to give you the sale proceedings then you will pull out and allow the property to be repossessed. He agreed that is his intent. Knob!

tribpot Wed 21-Sep-16 13:36:53

Well, it sounds like this is pretty predictable on his part, but he hasn't really understood the point of blackmail. You have to be pressuring the victim for something they actually have and can give you, not magic money out of thin air. It's a shame you will lose a grand from the sale but worth it to keep him from getting it.

Mycatsabastard Wed 21-Sep-16 13:43:23

So there is about £3-£4k equity in the property?

By the time legal and estate agents costs are paid, there will be practically nothing left.

As for the rest of his claim, he's not got a leg to stand on. A court will state (as will a solicitor) that he had the enjoyment of the marital home during that time and he would be paying rent/mortgage/bills anywhere he lived. It's not down to you to fund his housing costs.

Get a solicitor, get the divorce sorted and then tell him to fuck off.

paranormalish Wed 21-Sep-16 13:50:14

You have to wonder sometimes why his solicitor hasn't said to him - This won't end well for you , Go away.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 21-Sep-16 13:54:59

Call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247
They can help with local support services who can help you with a good solicitor used to dealing with abusive twats like your Ex.
Don't get sucked in by him.
That letter is crap and he knows it.
Womens Aid or Rights of Women can and will help you.

Cornishmumoftwo Wed 21-Sep-16 14:47:42

Thanks. Sat and worked it out this morning, after mortgage, arrears estate agent and legal fees there should be around 6k left. He hasn't paid the interest on the mortgage for the last 12 months. I'm waiting for a call back from my solicitor and the more I think about the blatant attempt at blackmail the more annoyed I get! He's certainly more concerned about himself than his kids, 3k could buy a better more safer car. When I pointed out to him that I had nothing he said I made that choice when I left.

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