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Feeling Alone(6 Posts)
I'm feeling really alone at the moment.
Me and my DH have been TTC over the last 2-3 months. Not long I know. Anyway a couple of weeks ago I'd convinced myself I was pregnant. Spent £20 on tests to go home to find my period had arrived. That was 11 days ago, I was feeling sad for the first couple of days. 7 days ago my best friend text me telling me she was pregnant. Happy for her but I was welling up all day at work, upset because it hadn't happened for me. I've been up and down ever since then. Found I've been better when I've had things to do like being at work. Sunday had nothing planned so turned into a moping day.
Been fine yesterday and today, up until 4.30pm today when my DH rang me at work with some bad news about a pay rise he was getting (still getting it but not as much as we thought for the first 6 months). This sent me over the edge. It's not even about the pay rise, it stems back to not being pregnant. Came back from work, he knew I was pissed off. I normally go to slimming world on a Tuesday. Went and had a bath then got ready to go to class. I asked if he would put my dinner in the oven whilst I was out. He was being arsey which caused me to start crying. I went and got weighed (trying not to cry), then came straight back and come to bed.
I've cried my eyes out, he has heard me. He hasn't been there for me once during the last 11 days. I have no one to speak to. Can't tell my best friend because I don't want her to feel like it's her fault. It's an exciting time and I don't want to put a downer on things. I just don't know what to do. I want to snap out of it, I really do. I just want a cuddle and someone to tell me everything will be okay.
I'm sorry for the essay.
I don't have much to add but didn't want to read and run.
It will get better, be kind to yourself and remember the good things in your life. Give it time.
One thing strikes me is that your dh is part of all of these disappointments too. So perhaps he's feeling pretty crap, too, especially if he thinks he's let you down over the pay rise?
Can you rephrase some of this mentally into we are disappointed and feeling sad and even give him a cuddle?
Unless he's actually an arse in which case please disregard.
How about trying to shift your focus from not being pregnant to trying to do everything you can to help yourself get pregnant, there are lots of good books to read on the subject, give yourself something to concentrate on like improving your health, exercising, healthy eating etc. I struggled for just over a year to fall pregnant, had two miscarriages in that time, but by trying different ttc plans it helped get me through, finally I fell pregnant and it stuck, I then went of to fall easily twice, timing it with stopping breadt feeding as I had read that timing it that way helped to conceive and it worked twice, I now can't believe how lucky I am to have three healthy children, but I do remember how hard it was when I was ttc but being constructive and trying different things helped me mentally and emotionally get through that tough time, so hopefully it will help you too, it's so hard and I do feel for you, but hopefully it will happen very soon and just try to enjoy trying till it happens!
I think you should put TTC on hold until you sort out the communication in your relationship. I'm sorry that I expect you don't want to hear that.
Honestly, I would personally understand if he was thinking "WTF?" and some of his lack of support was not knowing how he was supposed to act when you're so upset about not being pregnant after less than 3 months. I spent enough time on TTC boards years ago to know that your reaction is uncommon - but honestly, it's still quite a big reaction. I think the first months are hard because of the disappointment that you can't just click your fingers. Then once you accept that, it's not so hard and then most people do get prgmaht within a year. It really gets hard after that.
No matter if he doesn't understand why you're so upset, he should still be sympathetic and listen. That's what I mean about sorting out your communication. It's just not right if he'll ignore you crying.
How much have you actually told him?
Because reading your post, sounds like he had bad news about his pay rise then came home to you in a bad mood. I wouldn't be too happy if that were me.
You say he was arsey - but so were you. You both had a crap day.
Talk to him.
I second the others, you really need to talk to your other half. And 2-3 months is not that long at all...depending on your age, it can take up to 2 years to conceive. You will need to find a better coping mechanism. As someone said earlier- try and be proactive re pregnancy.
I don't mean this to sound harsh but if it takes you longer to conceive or God forbid, you require fertility treatment...it will get a hell of a lot harder. You and your husband need one another and you need to be on the same page. I say that as someone who has been trying for 3 years, gone through two cycles of IVF and have basically been told that my husband is infertile.
Ttc is draining and will take time, be kind to yourself and to your husband. Talk to him.
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