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Anxiety over losing my online friend...(4 Posts)
I'm Jacob and I've messed up big time. I once came across a girl from another country in one of the chatrooms online and we began talking regularly. She was married and had kids, but she felt lonely a lot, due to her differences with her husband and parents. Likewise, due to some health crises in my own home, I too was really depressed and talking with her helped me manage those problems. We started talking frequently, sometimes almost 5-6 hrs a day. We used to watch movies together through skype share, listen to songs, share books, talk about all topics so on and so forth. Eventually we also started talking about sex, as we became closer and I thought as adults, sex wasn't a bad topic to discuss. Eventually that led to sexual fantasy discussions, then chat simulations and eventually seeing each other and playing on webcam. I've personally never had a gf and wasn't intending to have a gf. And the webcam sex at that point didn't seem bad to me, because it wasn't like we were coming together for real. I mean we are oceans apart. And I thought it as just as a depression relieving activity. She too didn't mind that and actually enjoyed it. But then she confessed she was 'falling' for me and I said I didn't have any such intention. She started crying and I too felt really guilty.
I mean watching movies, sharing songs, reading books, even talking about sex is normal among friends, but now I realize the webcam sex part wasn't right and I feel really guilty over it. I feel like crying all the time and regret that immensely. I also feel very bad for her husband and the guilt is killing me. I never thought I would end up being responsible for infidelity. Religiously, morally and ethically its killing me. I couldn't talk about this to anyone either. She is very emotional and has in the past experienced several friends and relatives ditching her, after becoming close and so I'm afraid to stop talking to her.
Also, I respect her immensely and I want her as a friend forever. I explained this to her, as politely as I could and she said, she never asked to marry me or become my gf. She even said she will help me find a gf in the future or act as my 'wingwoman'. All she wants is for me to keep chatting with her as she is lonely and depressed and couldn't talk as openly about her problems with others. I apologized to her if I had misled her or brought her away from her husband and she says I haven't done anything to ruin their relationship. And also I've done my bit to convince her that her husband is a good man, who just doesn't know how to express his love. It's not like their relationship is under a threat. They are still together.
I don't want to stop talking to her, in fact I want our families to be friends together, like me and her husband, my parents her parents, my sister, her, so on and so forth. I would even want my future gf or wife to be friends with her. All this would have been possible, if I hadn't engaged in webcam sex with her. I know that and I regret that. I've prayed and prayed, I've cried, I've apologized to her again and again. I'm so anxious still and sad all the time. My blood pressure has risen and my stress level is increased significantly. The only other person who knows about all this is another close friend of mine and she says, its all fine, as long as I didn't cheat. She still thinks that we could be really good friends and forget the past, forgiving ourselves. Her argument is, there are ex-es who are friends and friends who have had sex. And this is only webcam play, but I still couldn't forgive myself, nor stop talking to her. How do I manage this? Has anyone else undergone such a scenario and how did you handle this? I can't let her go and she will really be depressed and so will I. At the same time, if we continue as friends, I'm afraid she will once again claim to love in the future.
If you're spending 5 to 6 hours a day talking to someone, and then getting sexual then you can't be surprised if they get upset when you say you're just friends. She will be feeling horribly rejected.
Step away and go outside and find a real life relationship. You've messed with this poor woman enough. Leave her and her marriage alone.
You turn off the computer. Sorry, but she is married with children and manages to chat 5-6 hours a day in a different time zone to you? Does no one work or sleep?
I think you need to step back & think about what you want from life. She's off limits
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