I hate him.

[HateHimReallyDo]

STBXH.
Moved out about a year ago. I hate him.
OK, compared to some he's not bad. He has the kids at the weekend and even though he is on benefits he will put money towards things for the kids (uniforms, trips ets)

But he is so unreliable. He drinks during the day. He smokes weed constantly (he has MH issues and this doesnt help...he says it does help)

I can't rely on him at all. He is selfish.
On the rare occasions I've asked him to help with school run things I've always ended up calling at 7.30 to wake him up and then when im stood waiting at 8 30am i call again and hes still in bed.

He tries it on with me sexually all the time. (Not in a million years mate). Makes lewd comments about me and my gf.

His personal hygiene is questionable. Hes always bringing wet washing round for me to dry.

He is racist. Homophobic (I'm in a gay relationship now). He makes fun of the disabled. He does it all as JOKES so it 'does nt really count'

I hate him. I wish i never had to set eyes on him again.

The frustration I feel when I ask for help with something and he fucks it up is immense. Then I'm nagging him.

I hoped this break up would lead to a friendship but my skin crawls when I'm aroubd him.

I just called him at 7 45 because ive pulled my back. I can't walk to school. I can barely move. Hes umming and ahhing about taking the kids to school and suggests the walk might fix it. He just doesnt want to get out of bed.

I call him back to say i will pay for a taxi and he says hes tired. I say 'fine!! I will hobble there in pain'

I expected him to call back and say he will come. But no. He went back to bed.

So i lost it at him. I do this 10 times a week. The school run. And he wont even do it in a taxi for me when im in pain?!!

I hate him. I don't know how I spent all those years with him. He sucked the life and joy from me :(

[Yoksha]

Oooh, I felt your exasperation lifting from the page. Would it be possible to completely cut him out of practical help? Eg - the school run. Try & set up a system independent of him.

Hope your back gets better soon.

[HateHimReallyDo]

Yoksha. He doesn't do it. At all. I do all the school run. But on days like today, where something unexpected happens, I have no one else to call. My sisters are on school runs at different schools and my mum is at work.

Why shouldn't I ring their dad who I know is home with no plans for the day :(

[HateHimReallyDo]

I just feel like I should be able to do that. It's rare that I ask for help (because I know he will fuck up anyway).

I asked him to get a few bits when he was already out shopping during the summer holidays. I said 'a lunch box, size 2 pumps and a pencil case'
I txt him the list.

He gets a pencil case.

Forgets to buy a lunchbox and gets size 4 pumps

[Ineedmorelemonpledge]

Because he'll never be plan A. Maybe plan Z.

And you have to accept that, I'm sorry. What about friends, other school mums or neighbours? You have to build a defence for yourself and a line of support. Learn from every mistake of needing him. Assume he won't make it to anything and plan for it.

It's exhausting but less so than relying on this waste of space.

Sorry op. Hope your back gets better. Have you made a docs appt?

[Believeitornot]

Because their dad is shit that's why? I feel sorry for your DCs having a father like that :(

I wouldn't rely on him at all. I would even question having the DCs around him as what kind of example does he set them.

[HateHimReallyDo]

I don't have anyone else. I have no friends.

I have my sisters and my mum. Mum works all the time. Sister has a lot of kids herself so can't ask for help really. Esp with school runs. She is few miles away, has no car and has her own kids to get to school.

[Yoksha]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I agree. What I would be concerned about in your situation is just how bad he is in the morning. He's not bothered, even to the extent of his children suffering. Plus how tired you must be mentally on the continual cycle that causes you to " nag " him. There has to be a different approach that doesn't deplete you mentally like. It all sounds too exhausting just reading it.

I can't offer you alternatives. Hope something is resolved sooner rather than later OP.