How to childproof when BDing...?

[ncchangedforobvsreasons]

Right. NC as my mum is on here and just no.

CONTEXT: Been married to DH for over a decade. Have 1 DC who is under 5. Sex life was adequate up to TTC DC who took donkeys' years. Ever since neither of us were particularly keeping an eye on things until we realised we hadn't DTD for over 6 months.

Now making a concerted (and so far successful) effort to improve things in this arena and as such are actually having to work out how to keep DC out of our room at crucial times. DC is a good sleeper (Praise be to the deity for that) but very occasionally wakes in the night and potters through to us. No gate on DC's room as no longer needs it. Feel very wrong locking the door.

We are very 'sex-positive' to borrow a buzz-phrase, and DC is aware in an age-appropriate way about how babies are made, but this becomes a completely different prospect when it's midnight and you're caught in the act by a curious small person. What do other people do? What do/did you say to your small people to either a) explain away when caught or preferably b) keep them out of a closed door in the first place?

Thanks all!

[AuditAngel]

We have a lock on our door for the times required. If DD2 (in our case) wants to be in our room, we tell her mummy and daddy want a cuddle, and she can come in later.

We always get her later (when requested) as then she is happy to give us the space we need.

[GnomeDePlume]

What is the problem with having a bolt on your door? You want to be able to have sex without DC walking in. A bolt on the door seems the obvious solution. It isnt like you are locking your DC in the coal shed just making sure that if they do wander that you have time to get decent.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

We lock the door. Why is that wrong?

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

Yes, you just unlock it again after. You don't leave it locked all night or anything.

[NovemberInDailyFailLand]

BDing?

[Whereismumhiding2]

BDing? TTC? DTD? I didn't understand a fair bit of your post, but put a bolt on inside of your bedroom door. Job done. It's very common to do so.

Use the bolt when you want to have sex in your bedroom, so if you are interrupted by a wandering nighttime child knocking at door as its locked s/he doesnt see anything & you can stop, get up and check on DC & why they are up. You'll unlock it when one of you goes to bathroom afterwards, so its no big deal.

You're not locking your DC in anywhere, just creating a temporary safe space in your bedroom for you & DH.

[NerrSnerr]

I initially thought you meant breastfeeding but realise you put baby dancing (do you really say that in real life?) seriously if you want undisturbed I'd just put about on your door. You can unlock it again once you're done.

[Simmi1]

Agree with the lock OP and I've never heard anyone say BDancing in real life . Actually there's a lot on here that I never hear in real life

[OiWithThePoodlesAlready]

There is a class where I live called baby dancing class. It's for actual dancing with your baby though.

Op, my 5yo makes a noise akin to a large herd of elephants when she is coming up the corridor so we always hear her coming. If she was more stealthy though I would have no hesitation putting a lock on our door.

[nchangedforobvsreasons]

Apologies for the acronym overload! Nope, never in a million years would I ever use any of those terms in real life - suddenly realising they're a hangover from the best part of a decade on forums (mostly US ones) dedicated to trying to get pregnant! Will try harder...

Clearly need to get my head around a lock on the door. I can't explain really why it seems 'wrong' - possibly because my parents never had one? But there's not a chance in Hell I'm asking how they did it! Thanks for the replies - and for tolerating my twee acronyms!

[Believeitornot]

Why not time your shenanigans for when you know your DC sleeps? If they tend to come through at midnight then do the deed earlier.

[ChocChocPorridge]

Squeaky door on his room - works for us, wouldn't work if you were a noisier type of person and wouldn't hear it..

[user97billionand3]

We just throw something behind the door so it won't easily open.

[AuntieStella]

No idea what BDing is. Some sort of perversion beyond normal MN frankness, and outside the community acronyms? Presumably used on other (possibly more - ahem - specialised) sites?

Despite those possibilities, all OP appears to be asking how to achieve privacy when having sex.

A bolt high up on the bedroom door, or a chain (so door can be opened only an inch or so) are good options.

[nchangedforobvsreasons]

Sorry - should have clarified: 'BDing' is 'Baby Dancing', twee euphemism for sex much used on infertility forums. Nothing kinky, I'm afraid. Sorry to disappoint.

'DTD' is 'doing the deed'. See above.

There will be no perversions at least until we get the hang of basic, regular sex again and unlikely even then unless DH has hidden something from me for 15yrs!

[nchangedforobvsreasons]

Oh, and TTC is 'trying to conceive' - easier than typing out 'having scheduled, mechanical sex in the vague hope my body will achieve the basic biological necessity of procreation, despite being as fertile as your average concrete slab'.

[AuntieStella]

TTC and DTD are part of the MN lexicon! It's only novel ones (ie new here, rather than just coined everywhere) that cause wonderment.

Bit like accidentally typing ODFOD or SIOB when elsewhere (have remembered in time and deleted, rather than raising eyebrows on other sites!)

[Cabrinha]

If it's a regular evening in, we have sex on the sofa downstairs before going up to bed. It hasn't ever happened that my daughter wakes and comes downstairs, but we'd hear that.

In the morning, we listen out and choose positions that can be easily and quickly turned into s cuddle as a cover is pulled over. No chandelier swinging at 07:00. She is supposed to knock, but she doesn't always remember. Or she knocks abs doesn't wait!

If we think we'll get interrupted - or she's already come in for a cuddle, we pop off downstairs back to the sofa.

She hasn't seen us, but if she did - like your daughter, she knows what sex is. She knows what goes in where and that adults do it for fun as well as for babies. And that it's private. So if it was obvious and she said "what are you doing" or "are you having sex" I'd say yes, and remind her that it was private and she had forgotten to bloody knock!!!

[Whereismumhiding2]

Ah... I understand now! It really is OK go put a bolt on your bedroom door (high up out of DC's reach). Just make sure you unlock it afterwards, so LO can get in at other times. Don't feel bad about protecting your LO from walking in & seeing you & OH having sex!! You are allowed to.

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

If you don't want your mum to ask why you have a lock on bedroom door, get a door wedge

[nchangedforobvsreasons]

Door wedge!! Yes!! Thank you!!

[BalloonSlayer]

I clicked because I thought BD meant BellyDancing and I was avid with curiosity as to how you need to childproof your house with that hobby. I was imagining the scenario of Boinnnnng and a child is flicked across the room by an over-enthusiastic hip-shimmy.

So . . . yeah . . . get a bolt for your door.

[LynetteScavo]

And your name change the second time failed

[PeppasNanna]

I'm impressed by how much you all actually dtd!!

[nchangedforobvsreasons]

LynetteScavo has it? Dammit! I was so careful! I can't see it on my app - nobody tell my mum this thread is over here!