Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
is our marriage doomed(10 Posts)
I've been married to my husband for 3 years,we've got 2 year old son together and are on the brink of divorce.main reason I'm still hesitating to file for it is because of our son but I'd like some opinions as to whether this marriage is worth fighting for.
I think my husbands biggest strength is that he is fun to be with.unless we are arguing he's got light personality and makes you laugh.he also does whatever you tell him to do around the house and is generally quite hands on.he can also look after our son more or less well as long as you give him proper instructions on what to do lol.this is where it ends and I've listed all the 'cons' undersneath.
Likes expensive style of living that he can't afford.he earns decent salary but spends even more!i know he does pay bills but I just don't understand how can you rent very expensive house to live in,go pubs almost every night when you've got 25000 debt.the problem is I've got assets and should we divorce I may well end up paying for his debt which really freaks me out as I've got baby to think about and I can't earn the kind of money he does
Moving on,he drinks literally every evening.he tries to do it after I put baby to sleep but sometimes when he gets hacked off with me he doesn't care and I'm worried about what kind of example hel be as our son gets older which brings me onto third issue
His temper.if he doesn't agree with something he just walks out,slams the door and he is off to pub.before when he had hotel points through work he would leave me for the whole weekend with the baby.wev got no help and he used to be away mob- fri through work as it is which made it harder.he puts the phone down on me very often too if I question anything.
Also,we don't have any sex life,literally none.he stopped sleeping with me once I got pregnant.we had sex once during nine months of pregnancy and since then maybe 7/8 times in almost two years.
Sorry for the long email.its just so painful ending marriage no matter how sh..t it's been edoi jalopy when you've got child together and I wanted to know I've done everything I can.i haven't been perfect throughout our marriage.when baby was born I was grumpy at first due to lack of sleep .i gave to say though I practically raised him on my own
He sounds like an alcoholic, either being the life and soul of the party or showing an unacceptable temper. He also does not care about you one bit.
I am also worried for you that because he is away from home a lot 'with work' or at the pub, and your sex life has dwindled to virtually nothing, that he is getting his needs met elsewhere.
He is treating you like a mug, like dirt. He does not respect you and I agree, he is a very poor role model for your DC. He is the only one having fun in your relationship. You deserve so much better and your DC deserves a DF who is actually present in his life. You are effectively already a single parent. I'm very sorry.
No definitely not worth fighting for. Sounds like a nightmare. Your life will be much much better out of this marriage.
Assets, debts and relative incomes will all be relevant in the financial settlement. You may well be entitled to a greater share of the assets because of your lower income and because presumably you will be the main carer for your son. Use some of your assets to get good legal advice.
Ending the marriage couldn't be more painful than the daily rejection you are facing. You must be miserable. Your DC wants a happy mum and you might want to consider if that is going to possible while staying with your H.
It sounds like a nightmare. You need to get good advice re the financials but maybe its worth thinking of it in terms of that as long as you stay married to him you continue to expose yourself to the effects of the financial mis-management eg when you separate you at least limit him making your potential financial situation any worse with his on-going over-spending. .
Agree with others - he sounds like an alcoholic. He may also be one of those people who can't seem to stop themselves until they completely shatter everything - relationships, health, money.
What are you getting out of this relationship? How our your needs being met? - he walks out if you want to talk, is dragging you and DC into debt, no sex or affection - does he actually want to be with you? He is showing you and your Dc complete and utter disrespect - he seesm to care nothing for your feelings - he is not a good father. I would make plans to seperate - is this the sort of home you want your Dc to grow up in?
Thank you for your comments.painbadger you are right,quite honestly I'm not sure what I'm getting out if this relationship apart from debt and arguments.i think I'm beginning to understand though why so many victims of domestic violence keep staying with their husbands..in the sense that it's just so hard to leave and to end your marriage,for me anyway.i think for me what makes it so hard is that I don't have any other help.I'm used looking after DS on my own,it's just that I can't go anywhere without him.
Mu husband is just completely unbalanced probably through all his regular drinking.he needs help but I'm not sure I can master the energy to help him as at the moment DS is very small still,he takes all my time and quite honestly I barely have time to look after myself let alone drag another person out if alcoholism.again maybe if I'd have some family to help it would be different.also he doesn't realise he's got a problem he thinks it's ok to drink most evenings .il grant him sometimes he just has a few but he definitely has dependency in my opinion
Your children have only got one childhood and spending it in a home where alcohol abuse is the norm, is a big fuck up. And it will be, because your DH is nowhere near understanding he's got a problem.
And that's apart from all his other faults.
You can't fix him. Don't waste your life and your DS's childhood trying.
Thank you,sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.