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Was this OTT?

(50 Posts)
user1470266148 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:08:10

I have been with my DP for 5 years. In the last 2 years it's became evident that I am not his number one priority and I am now starting to think that he does not car a jot about how his actions make me feel. However, when I write down examples they seem very trivial:

Going out with friends in a couples situation but telling me he is meeting the lads, then I find out when he has gone that other DP's are there and he 'never thought to ask me'

Refusing to spend Christmas Day with me as he 'goes to his mothers house every year' so for the past 4 Christmases I've sat at home alone

Refusing to discuss anything about getting married (we've been engaged 18 months) because I don't speak to his sister and our wedding plans may upset HER.

I have spoken to him about these and how it makes me feel, he promises he will be more aware of how his actions make me feel.

To add further insult he moved in with me (from his 1 bedroom studio apartment) into my 4 bedroom home, I have not asked him to contribute to the mortgage but to contribute half of the money for bills (which he does pay eventually, sometimes months later).

So yesterday we returned from a weeks holiday in Europe (which I paid for entirely) and he announces he's going out with his mate in a town 5 miles away. I was tired after a long journey home so I went for a nap and when I got up he had gone out.

Guess what?..... It was a couples thing again!!! So I lost my shit, packed his clothes and drove them to his mothers house and texted him to say he was a selfish bellend and not to come back.

Was I OTT?

QuiteLikely5 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:11:45

Well done op! You definitely done the right thing!

He is using you, he does not care about you and has been taking advantage of your generosity.

If you let him back he will continue to disrespect you.

Raise your standards you deserve so much more

ilivehappilyeverafter Sat 17-Sep-16 10:12:23

No, good for you!

ayeokthen Sat 17-Sep-16 10:12:27

Nope, I think you reacted perfectly reasonably.

Yoksha Sat 17-Sep-16 10:12:57

I'd say nope. His behaviour is questionable. Stay strong. It might make him respect you. Because he obviously doesn't.

user1470266148 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:13:03

Does he fall under the category 'cocklodger'?

jeaux90 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:13:46

Standing ovation from me. Well done xxx

ElspethFlashman Sat 17-Sep-16 10:14:10

No, I think it was quite a sensible reaction.

He's also never ever going to marry you. But tbh he's no prize, you can do a lot better.

ElspethFlashman Sat 17-Sep-16 10:15:17

If he's not a cocklodger then I honestly don't know what the definition is. You pay for everything and you're just an afterthought to him. Kinda as if you were his mum.

0SometimesIWonder Sat 17-Sep-16 10:15:19

No, not OTT at all - I'd have done the same about 4 years ago.
Well done op on finding yourself under all that crap he's been piling on top of you.

StartledByHisFurryShorts Sat 17-Sep-16 10:15:30

Not at all. You sound well rid of him.

The Christmas thing is especially baffling. Were you not invited to his mum's?

You don't need this person in your life and it sounds like you were financially supporting him to boot.

Guiltypleasures001 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:15:36

Cocklodger of massive proportions yes, well done

Kr1stina Sat 17-Sep-16 10:15:54

Good move

user1470266148 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:17:11

Oh, and then he was texting saying how he was 'homeless'.
Texting from the pub I might add, knowing that he had upset me and that his clothes were at his mothers!
He really is selfish isn't he.
Thank you for your replies, I feel a lot calmer now.
I just need to stay strong and not contact him

RandomMess Sat 17-Sep-16 10:17:11

Yep cocklodger.

DoreenLethal Sat 17-Sep-16 10:17:29

Good move - should have done it ages ago!

Cisoff Sat 17-Sep-16 10:17:34

I can only accuse you of being late. Not OTT.

please, please don't take him back!

0SometimesIWonder Sat 17-Sep-16 10:17:55

You are not his partner; you are/ have been nothing more than his landlady with (a great deal of) benefits.

user1470266148 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:18:50

Hi Startled

I am not invited to his mums as the nightmare sister who I don't speak to will be there.

SharkBastard Sat 17-Sep-16 10:21:34

Excellent work! No way OTT, perfectly executed, I'm impressed

talesofthevillage Sat 17-Sep-16 10:21:46

Was cheering for you when I read you've dumped his clothes at his mum's. Well done. Stay strong. flowers

readyforno2 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:24:52

Not ott! At all.

winkywinkola Sat 17-Sep-16 10:25:33

Wow. You're amazing. I'm so impressed. Seriously. You don't take any crap, do you?

Your ex is a knobber. Well done.

quencher Sat 17-Sep-16 10:25:54

👏 well done. Don't let him back in.

Standing ovation from me and one of the best Mn post.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sat 17-Sep-16 10:28:42

As you are clearly his last priority (after dm dsis and his mates) I would just block his number and move on. He was never actually committed to you. Twat.

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