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AIBU? Finally feel like I have snapped with him. Over bloody Pizza.(130 Posts)
Had a LONG day yesterday for various reasons. Husband NEVER cooks, washes up, irons, cleans ect. Anyway. I was run of my feet and last night gave our 2 children Pizza and salad for quickness, whilst I got on with chores ect. Gets to 9pm and I realise I am STARVING. Haven't eaten all day. So whilst he is supping his sodding beer in the conservatory, I ask if he is hungry, and would he like a Pizza? He say's he isn't hungry due to large work lunch. I then tell him I am going to eat an entire Pizza on the sofa, in front of TV as I'm starving and knackered. He tells me to knock myself out ect. Anyway, I ask him again if he is sure he doesn't want me to put one in for him to. For the second time he declines. I'm in the other room sorting PE kits, when he calls out my Pizza is ready and offers to take it out of the oven. I walk into the kitchen and he has 2 plates out and comments ''Don't mind if I eat half of this do you? It smells nice''......
So. This is when things went to shit. I tell him I haven't eaten all day, and was really looking forward to tucking in BUT as the oven is hot, I offered to throw one in for him, and told him it would only take 10 mins to cook. He then called me 'Selfish' and stormed upstairs after a lot of huffing and puffing, and he actually slammed a door and muttered 'Fuck You Then!'
He will be back from work in a couple of hours, and I want to talk to him about it. He seems very emotionally immature (been together 18yrs) and he's getting worse with age. I know the Pizza scenario sounds ridiculous, but his behaviour is often like that. Problem is, eldest heard the exchange last night and commented today 'Rather you than me Mum listening to that!' I guess my point is. I am fucking drained. As a couple we have dealt with infidelity, bereavement, redundancy, depression, illness ect.....I just feel exhausted. I have suggested couples counselling. He won't do it. I often feel like I am flogging a dead horse. Anyway. This is my first thread, so go easy. FYI. My thin crust pepperoni Pizza was sodding delicious.
So you haven't got two kids have you lovely, you have three!
You are seething with resentment cos he's a lazy arse, and naturally you snap when he spits his dummy out. He's entitled. He puts himself first, just thought he'd have half your pizza because on the spur of the moment he fancied it.
He needs to start pulling his weight and grow up. You need to make time for food during the day and insist that he does more around the house.
Was it stuffed crust?
On the pizza front - yes you were unreasonable, cos you could have shared that one while a second was cooking and shared that one too afterwards. But it sounds like it's coming out of a much bigger picture of unhappiness, so I think I can see why it put the tinlid on it for you.
It is always the little things - the straw that broke the camel's back - that cause you to look with clarity at the whole situation. It sounds petty but it is a result of constant build up and it is always harder to discuss because it sounds so petty.
Honestly, it sounds as if your relationship has run its course, he won't go to couples counselling so he doesn't seem interested in trying to save it.
Glad you enjoyed your pizza all to yourself.
Totally disagree with category
He'd been offered twice and said no twice then fancies it because it smells nice. That would massively piss me off too.
It's not great if your kids are at the point where they're pointing out his shitty behaviour to you. How old are they?
I didn't get past the point that he does none of the shitwork and you do it all
Life is too short to live like this. Whose infidelity was it? It sounds like you should have split up long ago.
It wasn't stuffed crust unfortunately! Yep category12. I'm generally a massively happy person. I think I needed a whinge. What I didn't add was he said he was too tired to wait 10 mins....so maybe he wanted me to give him my dinner whilst I waited and cooked another. Guess I feel I am always thoughtful with him. But don't get a lot of that back. Generally, he's a really nice guy. But he can be incredibly snappy/goading almost every day. Anyhow. I'll pour a G+T and slap a smile on my face for when he's in.
As a couple we have dealt with infidelity was that a long time ago, OP?
Fwiw yes he was unreasonable about the pizza - he must have cloth ears as he apparently missed the bit about you feeling tired and starved.
And you put up with this shit because..............?
Although I would have expected him to be responsible for the cooking of the 2nd one.
However 'too tired to wait 10 mins'? GTFO.
And regarding that larger picture of unhappiness? - a gin & t and a smile isn't going to cut it.
I'll admit my DP is a bit like this about food sometimes. If I'm eating something delicious he thinks I'd be selfish not to share, but if I fancy what he's eating I'm treated like an annoying vulture. We used to actually properly argue about it. I think I've convinced him of his rank hypocrisy because he's calmed it down a lot these days.
It's the fact he leaves the housework to you that I'd be worried about. Did you agree to this division of labour when you moved in and had kids?
The pizza issue is one thing, he sounds very childish.
But you say he does nothing around the house, and presumably the infidelity you have been through as a couple was actually him being unfaithful - don't know why you would imply that this is a shared problem - its not like bereavement which is something that happens to you, outside your control. Is that his take on it?
How does he contribute to your relationship?
The pizza thing actually sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back, and I'm not surprised you are upset and drained.
If he won't do couples counselling, might be worth going by yourself to help you step back and think about where this relationship is going and whether its working for you.
To answer some questions. Children are teenagers, and as for housework. He gets in at 7-8pm, so it's normally done. I know the Pizza thing sounds like a massive first world problem. I guess it was the way he discounted my day/feelings/responsibilities/hunger ect, then thought he could pick a fight
Ah. Just a titchy lady vent then ?
How depressing. Yep, you plaster that smile on your face, offer him your G+T and carry on being the butt end of this lazy bastard
Expect your kid's sympathy to roll over into the same contempt he shows you as the years roll by
Why slap on a smile?
Your feelings of annoyance and anger are valid and understandable. Deny them and you're helping no one.
Always do what you've always done and you'll always get what you've always got.
And I'm not talking about the pizza... But everything that led up to you snapping over thst
But yes, ffs don't slap on a smile and pour a g&t and really pay attention to what your teenager said to you.
I'd be bloody furious about the pizza! And no, I wouldn't have sodding shared so much as a crumb with him. He really does need a proverbial boot up the arse though in saying that if your kids are teenagers then they should be helping out too.
Stiff G&T, slap a smile on your face and tell him he's on dinner duty as well as weekend washing/ironing/putting away duty...
That would have me fuming, even without back-story.
Just the ''Don't mind if I eat half of this do you? It smells nice'' would have had me fuming, ESPECIALLY as you offered several times to make him one.
If you wanted half a pizza, you'd have suggested sharing one. And you not having time to eat!.. After him enjoying a 'Big Lunch' and supping beer whilst you get on with the (nicely put ) shit-work. Then trying to steal half your supper, on a whim. Probably got the munchies after his beer supping.
An ex used to do this to me, especially when we were out with friends. Shovel his food down at 100mph, then help himself to my food, then proceed to offer it around to whoever was with us. Not my fault I'm a slow eater!
As you can probably tell, I have The Rage on your behalf OP. He's lucky he didn't end up wearing the pizza as a hat.
It may be harsh but do you disagree ? Can you put a better spin on this situation that doesn't involve op continuing to get more and more resentful ?
Agree with AF!
He's snappy and goady every day?
He never lifts a finger round the house?
You're thoughtful towards him but he's not to you?
He's NOT lovely, op. And why the heck should you plaster on a smile and pretend to be happy? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
Get him to start taking on his share of the household shit.
Thanks Mnetters. I hadn't considered counselling solo. But I think that might be a great idea. It's hard to gage sometimes what's 'normal' after such a long relationship. People grow up, hobbies change, interests are different, work and family commitments change as does intimacy. But yep. I have a little cloud hanging over me for sure. Which is odd. I know he loves me. Christ. He tells me a minimum of 20 times a day I look pretty, nice, well done's for this and that. But he is like Jekle and Hyde also. Something minor set's him of. He isn't eloquent with expression when it comes to serious issues, or discussions. He's 10 yrs older than me, but in all honesty I feel 100 yrs older than him!
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