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Anyone else not get on with their sister?

(5 Posts)
Rosewine72 Thu 15-Sep-16 22:50:01

I'm feeling rather low really, I see other sisters meet up for lunch , go on a spa day together etc etc, I used to do things with her, she was always a bit odd if I'm honest very different to me as well, plus 9 years older in age! We did get closer after our mum died which was nice and we confided in each other about our relationships and each other's children. Then when I finally settled down moved in with my partner who she appeared to like she just went more and more distant. I invited her down during the Xmas period as we always see each other at some point then and she had no interest in seeing me or the kids or seeing my new house, when I questioned it she said I was being a drama queen. She has been odd ever since almost like she was jealous.

she is in a relationship with someone controlling and abusive really but I have no idea how that is going these days, I wonder whether her being distant is anything to do with him, but then she's done this sort of thing before before she was with him.

Anyway I am hurt, I lost my mum to cancer 16 years ago, my elderly dad also has terminal cancer, my sister has shut me out I do get down about it as I'm always doing things with my oh's family that's when it reminds me, but I guess I should be grateful for my own family, my children and my oh some don't have that do they!

Does anyone else not get on with their sister and feel similar 😞

malificent7 Fri 16-Sep-16 06:00:55

Yes... me. I love her but we dont get on at all and i grieve not having a close confident in her.

bumbleclat Fri 16-Sep-16 06:38:27

I am a bit like this with my sister.

I have had to let go of my idea that we are best friends over the past few years, she is really turning out to be quite a difficult character on many levels.

We are close in age I'm 32 and she's 30 and I can't recall one time that we've met up over the last five years where we haven't argued and then usually I cry because none of my other friendships are so difficult I feel like a failure that I can't make this one work.

She lives abroad and has taken a path that I don't really understand working in low paid, long hours jobs even though she sailed through school unlike me who had to go back and repeat everything as an adult (now a teacher)

She has had two main relationships and both guys have had everything from her including money and self esteem.

She doesn't ring for months on end but then goes round telling her friends that she doesn't really have much in the way of a loving family even though we are all here in in England with open arms.

She's really flaky about contact and if I want to send her a birthday present I have to ask ft her address about five times before she finally gives it to me.

She has a weird phone that only allows her to call us but spent her last visit here bemoaning the fact that me and dad never call her!!!

She cracks, loses, breaks about five phones a year.

She gets overly involved in the dramas of others and is over generous to people who aren't really reciprocal.

She angrily expected my dad to pay for her flight transfers back to the uk when our mum recently died and was too proud to take me up on my offer of buying her plane fares.

When I explained that dad was really poor at the moment she swallowed her pride and accepted my offer but was promising to pay me back this month. She said as I was dropping her back to the airport that she'd forgotten to get my IBAN and couldn't pay me back until she had this so I emailed it to her a month ago and she hasn't rang/contacted me since then.

She is angry with our dad for not parenting her more at the moment and when I explained that we're adults and shouldn't be building resentments about not being parented, she got furious with me.

She's very spiky and easily annoyed and always refers to me as though I'm lucky and she isn't but I've worked extremely hard/sacrificed a lot to find security, genuine friendships and a career-it's all been so hard where she's been 'having fun' and partying.

She also tends to really over the top flirt with married men and men in relationships, saying that she doesn't really like women and prefers men. She was recently a male friend's 'best man' and spent a huge chunk of some inheritance she got on his stag do which she held in another country the package she created included getting matching tattoos with the groom!! (If I was the bride, I'd be furious!)

It's so hard to admit, because I love my sister but her bravado,entitled behaviour and spikyness mean that I really don't like her much anymore and it has been really hard coming to accept that as another adult I find her too immature and an authentic friendship unpheasable.

I hope we meet in the middle one day but I've come to accept that we're not that compatible anymore and it's been really empowering making the decision to stop bailing her out financially all the time because I have a horrible feeling that she feels she deserves it- particularly hard to swallow when I know she's out where she's living playing the, 'poor black sheep of the family me' card (she literally refers to herself as this for no good reason) whilst spending all her money on her user ex boyfriend where I'm lucky if she ever sends a Christmas card.

I am done.

And it's been painful to get here but I'm happy I'm done.

BikeRunSki Fri 16-Sep-16 06:39:00

My sister and I have very little in common, other than genes and a shared childhood. We've never got on really, fought as children, and have very different opinions on many things as an adult. We also always fall out in a big way if we spend more than 36 hours together. We get on extremely well now that we live in different countries!

Rosewine72 Fri 16-Sep-16 09:27:11

Wow bumble, that does seem a difficult relationship! So sad really bikeRunSki , u say you argue after 36 hours, that's just it we do get on when we meet up, put the world to right chat for hours but she just literally went from that to not wanting to know when I moved in with oh, there was no argument or anything. But she has done it before, one year I was literally on my own for Xmas my dcs went to their dads for Xmas (divorced) , she invited my dad but not me I was so upset, but she didn't see what she'd done apparently. It was the same when I got married the first time, because I didn't get married somewhere that suited her she didn't come but everyone else did, and I felt I needed her as our mum hadn't long died 😞.

Well it's hard but I think I just have to accept she's not the sister I hoped for and she doesn't want me in her life. It will be hard at Xmas though.

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