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I don't know if I love him anymore?

(3 Posts)
Frecklesmum1 Thu 15-Sep-16 21:21:40

I've been with my husband for 10 years, married 4 and we have a 6 year old son. It's the only relationship I've ever been in.
I'm just not sure if I am in love with him anymore. I love him. Just not in love.

I'm contemplating leaving, but I feel a right cow. He's done nothing wrong.

Half of me thinks I should leave half of me thinks I should stay.
Stay, make the family work and not split it up, plod along for the rest of my life like I have for the last few years, not happy, not unhappy. He's a great dad and has been a good husband.
Leave, possibly both find someone else who will actually make us happy..
Or is this what happens in all relationships? It goes a bit dead? I don't know as never had another one.
We are like great mates not husband and wife.

We don't really row, never have done but we don't really do anything together either.
Sunday's we spend together as a family (once he has crawled out of bed about 11am) Which I enjoy for my son.

I know I'm get grief here: I've cheated on him twice, once was more of an emotional affair for maybe nearly a year (sex twice) and once a 4 month affair, sex a lot. (I didn't even like this bloke for more than sex, didn't ever think about leaving my husband, don't even know why I done it to be honest)
He knows about the 4 month one and forgave me.

Sex is awful for me with my husband, I cannot bare it. I dread it infact. I don't like him touching me. I make sure I have sex once a week to keep him happy and try get it over and done with.

I had a health issue last year and I didn't feel like I could tell him, I told a friend and they took me to hospital, the news wasn't great so I told him but I didn't get any support, he offered to come when I had the op but I said no and took my mum instead.
What does this tell me? I can't even speak to him.

I can't even be bothered to make the effort to try anymore yet I then think if I try perhaps il be back in love?

I feel awful typing all this, I feel I owe him something for forgiving me, for never doing anything wrong, for my son.
I don't want to hurt him, that's what's cutting me up the most. He loves me a lot.

Sometimes I even think that I wish he would cheat on me or leave me!

I don't know what to do.

Any advice appreciated please xx

SuddenRealisation Thu 15-Sep-16 22:27:51

Everyone deserves to be happy.
If you are not happy, then he won't be happy either.
You only get one life. You should be with someone who makes you feel loved and alive, and so should he.

Ninasimoneinthemorning Thu 15-Sep-16 22:30:58

At first I was going to say stay and work on it, marrage isn't easy -but after continuing to read - you need to leave, for all your sakes. You've cheated twice. That's out of order.

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