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Still not over him.

(16 Posts)
Rewardgivenforwine Thu 15-Sep-16 20:21:55

How can still be feeling like this after 3 years? Exdp and I broke up after his infidelity, he left and moved in with the ow and to this day it hurts like hell.
I've tried everything possible to get over it even going NC even though we have dcs it just seems impossible.

There is a lot of background that I don't really want to get into as it may out me but I think has a lot to do with the way I'm feeling.

I long for him and want him to be here but we have lost all communication with each other and it's hurts to know that the person I love/loved is so far away from me and our dcs, every time he comes to visit the dcs I want to tell him not to go and when he does I end up in a mess crying and feeling so low.

I don't know how to move on or to try and control my feelings towards him, I don't even know if he feels the same.

Shayelle Thu 15-Sep-16 20:27:21

Im sorry you are hurting and still greiving. It may always hurt but one day you will be in a different place and will have moved on. Would you try counselling? x

Rewardgivenforwine Thu 15-Sep-16 20:34:14

Thank you shayelle I've never tried counselling, it maybe something I should look into.

How long are you supposed to feel like this though?
I have been on dates had sexual relationships with other men since the split but I just cannot seem to get him out of my head, I think about him everyday he's my first and last thought.

Shayelle Thu 15-Sep-16 20:43:43

I have had counselling, i found it really useful. If it is meant to be between you, then maybe one day you will speak again. I found that making long term goals or having long term plans helped when I wasnt over a break up after a long time. Just having plans and knowing you will be moving forward with your life helps. Just look after yourself and be your own best friend. Everyone has bad days, I bet you feel a bit brighter tomorrow smile x

Shayelle Thu 15-Sep-16 20:45:33

I think too that everyone has people they think about, i sometimes think of people from my past, even 20 years ago. Pain fades with time you just need some new memories to help the old ones fade.

Rewardgivenforwine Thu 15-Sep-16 21:22:19

I just feel like it's unhealthy, to feel this way after so long.

I was verging on suicidal two years ago, so I know how far I've come yet I think I still have a long way to go.

I don't think we will ever get back together as I think he is fairly happy where he is and so much has happened between us that it would be difficult to have a relationship.

Shayelle Fri 16-Sep-16 05:39:05

It must be so much harder to put the distance there having kids together. But if you have felt suicidal talking to someone may really help you. At least its an avenue to be explored? Its awful feeling that down, i know.
You will be happy again and move on from him. Just keep being strong and enjoying your life, who knows what could be around the next corner! x

Rewardgivenforwine Fri 16-Sep-16 11:36:02

I definitely don't feel suicidal anymore, I think I was still reeling from the shock of finding out about his cheating, then him leaving.

I am far happier now but I just feel as though there is something missing, and yes it is particularly hard having to see him because of the dcs.

GinBunny Fri 16-Sep-16 11:39:52

Hi Reward, I second what Shayelle says, I think you do need counselling. Go and see your GP or contact Relate. They will help you work through the other issues as well flowers

RedMapleLeaf Fri 16-Sep-16 12:43:37

It could be that you're not over him.

Or it could be that you aren't over losing your lifestyle, your planned future, the way you see yourself in society or the family life you planned.

It might just be habit.

It might be a hook that you hang other, real problems on - such as lacking direction in life, feeling lonely, being a bit bored, issues from your childhood... you just don't see this because thinking, "I'm not over him" is a familiar place to be.

Humblebee1 Fri 16-Sep-16 15:15:41

Oh you poor soul, I feel so bad for you.
You probably have suffered more if he went and moved in with OW, making it so tough to get any closure on your relationship. rejection is so hard to deal with, but unfortunately as I know myself, part of life. You need to be kind to yourself and tell yourself you deserve a good life. You deserve to be happy. You can be happy. Don't let this man waste anymore of your precious life and try to remind yourself of the good things you do have. You can't control others but you can move on, by taking small positive steps forward, day at a time. Good luck.

Humblebee1 Fri 16-Sep-16 15:18:11

PS, definitely speak to a professional to help you stay strong. Hugs

Rewardgivenforwine Fri 16-Sep-16 19:56:33

maple I think that's it, i haven't got over losing my family unit some days I'm ok and happy that it's just me and the dcs other days I want him with us, doing family stuff and it feels like I run it past another person to spend time with the person who I created two lives with.

RandomMess Fri 16-Sep-16 20:04:51

I also think you could be missing that sense of how much you loved him and thought he loved you. That takes a long time to build in a relationship and it's so very painful to when you lose it.

Rewardgivenforwine Fri 16-Sep-16 20:38:00

It is very painful, without going into too much detail he was in jail for two years and when he came out I felt like our lives had just started then this happened and it sent me reeling.

Gracey1231 Sat 17-Sep-16 00:10:44

Hello lovely, I know it is hard right know and it will hurt you so much.
Counselling is definitely worth ago. I recently restarted no contact with my ex, we haven't been broken up that long. And each time I think of texting him, I say to myself "if he wants me let him come to me" and "what will be will be" just take each day a step at a time, I promise you you're not alone in these feelings

If you ever ever need to chat I'm here for you smile hold on and stay strong, it'll all work out in the end X hugs and flowers x

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