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Domestic abuse-HV

(11 Posts)
MintCooler Thu 15-Sep-16 09:43:54

Just like to know that when you inform a HV that you think your suffering from domestic abuse(emotional) what happens? I'm trying to get together an exit plan to leave but I wouldn't want my partner being stopped from seeing our baby. Even though he's an arsehole to me I can't deny he is a good father to our son and loves him dearly. I wouldn't want to ever have him stopped seeing him.
Anyone had this situation before??

BertieBotts Thu 15-Sep-16 09:47:52

It's likely unless there is physical abuse they wouldn't insist on him not seeing him.

I expect a HV will just refer you to a local charity or police organisation, they can't do much to help directly themselves.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 15-Sep-16 10:50:31

Please contact Womens Aid - 0808 2000 247 - they can help you with an exit plan an local support services.
Do you have any supportive family or friends around you?

MintCooler Thu 15-Sep-16 10:57:17

Thank you, I've rung my local DA charity line and arranged a meeting next week. She was the one who suggested I speak with the HV. Just wanted to know what they would do

MintCooler Thu 15-Sep-16 11:28:07

Yes I've got supportive family around me thank god smile

MatildaTheCat Thu 15-Sep-16 14:09:04

Your HV should inform the local safeguarding team who may ask to see you to ensure you and your DC are safe. They can also access other services and help you with your exit plan.

Nobody will try to stop contact unless there is evidence of risk to your DC. You deciding to leave is a huge positive in their view as you are keeping your family safe. They do regard emotional abuse, verbal fights etc very seriously as highly detrimental to a child so would want to be clear that you have no concerns there. Unfortunately emotionally abusive men often do transfer their abuse to children as they grow older and more independent in their views.

Good luck and best wishes.

MintCooler Thu 15-Sep-16 15:31:21

I really don't want my OH to be like that with our son. But I can see history repeating itself. My OH dad left him when he was young and my OH has been trying to seek his love and approval ever since as his dad doesn't show love towards his and mocks my OH. They are more like friends in a way.
Getting out of the situation is the best thing for my son as well as me. Just hope my OH doesn't try to turn my son against me. He's already started saying I'm our s

MintCooler Thu 15-Sep-16 15:32:10

Oops didn't mean to post.
He's started saying I'm our sons favourite sad

Mooey89 Thu 15-Sep-16 15:37:13

Hi Op.

I left my ex (emotional and physical abuse) when DS was 6months. Told HV after I'd left.

I contacted children's services myself as I wanted some support in working out what the right level of contact was.

He has never been stopped from seeing DS, as, even though he witnessed DV, ex was never harmful towards him.

I was always told that if I had concerns for his welfare, I could stop contact at any time and he would have to seek a court order to reestablish it.

3 years on with the benefit of hindsight, there are a lot of behaviours that ex displays that are harmful, but they had become so normalised to me that I accepted them.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk.

You are doing a very brave thing.

MintCooler Thu 15-Sep-16 18:35:00

Thanks mooey89.

Just fallen out with my mum, she's saying am I sure I want to leave him and if it hard now think what it's going to be like being a single parent. And that I need to stick up for myself more. Really upset me as I feel like I can't speak to her about it. She really doesn't get where I'm coming from as she hasn't been in the situation. Everything is can't you just do this like its so easy. Feeling even more stressed and doubting my decision now sad

Mooey89 Thu 15-Sep-16 18:41:32

My mum did the same! Are you sure about splitting, is it really that bad etc etc.

It is that bad. You are doing the right thing. I'm so happy now!

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