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Pregnant and Husband Is Being Unsupportive

(11 Posts)
LittleRedNameChangette Thu 15-Sep-16 08:40:16

Backstory:
DC1 is 3.5 (difficult pregnancy, birth and first couple of years).
I didn't really want any other children, husband did. I fell unexpectedly pregnant earlier this year and at first husband was significantly happier than I was. Now since I've become totally on board with the pregnancy he is uninterested in me or DCs.

I am supposed to be "taking it easy" due to current pregnancy being complicated.

Regarding DC:
If they tantrum (sometimes with kicking and screaming) he leaves me to deal with it entirely.

He will not discipline/tell off DC1 instead he walks off or calls me.

DC tells me and other relatives stories of how when their dad is looking after them he plays on phone and ignores them and when asked to play game or read book he replies "oh no not again!". Or worse how he had accidentally hurt them whilst not paying attention (eg. Water and shampoo in eyes during bath).

DC is lovely all day until he comes home and then descends into bad behaviour.

Regarding me:

He hadn't asked me how I am feeling for probably over a month.

He frequently finds excuses for not letting me have a lay down.

He doesn't ask about upcoming appointments or scans.

Last night in bed everytime I went to sleep he woke me up with loud sighing or his phone.

If I challenge him over his behaviour his first response is "no I never" it's honestly very childish and frustrating.

I feel like I am not at all in a relationship but due to the stories DC tells about their father's behaviour absolutely dread the thought of leaving DC1 and unborn DC2 alone with him in future for contact.

Any advice?

whattodowiththepoo Thu 15-Sep-16 09:51:09

I would suggest preparing to raise the baby as a single mother, if you are only staying with him because you are scared the children will be hurt if he looks after them alone you need to end the relationship and focus on the problem of him being incompetent.

FetchezLaVache Thu 15-Sep-16 10:02:55

It's genuinely easier to be a single parent on your own than in a relationship, OP... He sounds awful.

Short term, can you sleep in another room or get earplugs? Lack of sleep when you're pregnant is the very last thing you need - especially when you have a pre-schooler to look after too.

spangleknickers Thu 15-Sep-16 12:06:17

Oh Littlered how horrible for you. I had a very similar thing in my first marriage. I divorced him after DC2 was born. It was much easier on my own and I was in a strange country, all alone. The whole keeping you up at night by sighing, and being absorbed in his phone sounds a bit like attention-seeking behaviour. Is it because he is possibly insecure and jealous of the attention new baby and DC1 are getting? The tantrumming when he is around is also indicative of his lack of parenting support or interest. Do you think DC may be attention-seeking too? I really feel for you. Having a baby is stressful and uncomfortable enough. You feel vulnerable and should have as much support as possible. What he is doing is incredibly self centred and does not bode well for your future happiness, or the happiness of your children. I know it is very hard to do, but perhaps start thinking about how things might be if you were to split? You sound as if you are sole parenting DC1 anyway. You would at least get a decent nights sleep!!!!

AmberGreyson Thu 15-Sep-16 12:21:02

i think that now u are not stable 'cause of pregnancy

spangleknickers Thu 15-Sep-16 12:46:54

I would also take issue with 'no I never'. There is NEVER an excuse for bad grammar. I was more put out by being asked 'was you drunk last night?' by my partner, than the actually accusation/fun policing

LittleRedNameChangette Thu 29-Sep-16 09:30:20

Thank you. Things were slightly better for a week following him being told by the midwife to let me rest more, and then he started the same behaviour.

Last night, after he ignored our DD til the point that she started throwing things at him then expects me to be the one to step in and transport angry upset child away (which of course I do because this is behaviour I simply do not experience when she is solely in my care and I hate seeing her like it).

He laughs when I criticise him, still doesn't ask how I am feeling and has started becoming obsessed that my Mum is trying to split us up! (My mum doesn't really even speak about him!).

As someone who describes himself as shy and introverted he seems to feel the need for everything to revolve around him. I fear he gets this from his mother - she faked a stroke when I was in hospital after having DD1!

We had agreed to lose weight together after DC2 is born and I recently found out he has been to a gym, is buying health magazines and has started saying he needs more protein in his meals! (I know this sounds funny but it isn't fun to live with!)

I told him last night I do not see a future in this relationship (largely because I had at that point been crying for half hour and it didn't occur to him to comfort me or say sorry) and his response was "I'm not going anywhere".

LittleRedNameChangette Thu 29-Sep-16 12:16:08

I've just told him not to bother coming home.

user1469076810 Thu 29-Sep-16 20:04:01

sorry to hear things have been falling apart in your relationship. I think you've done the right thing in standing up to him - it sounds like he has totally checked out of family life. Whatever happens it can't be worse than this.

Sending you a virtual hug.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Thu 29-Sep-16 20:06:55

Seems he feels his place in the household is under threat from his own child and its not even born yet!!
Massive man child alert.
Send him back to his mother.

sentia Thu 29-Sep-16 20:13:40

Oh OP flowers

You do need a lot more support and he sounds very selfish.

What real life support do you have if you split up with him? How are things financially?

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