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Missed chance

(8 Posts)
user1473870459 Wed 14-Sep-16 17:34:01

There was a guy who I liked in school and he liked me too, but as I was shy he did not realise I was interested too. We went our separate way but he contacted me 3 years later in 2005. We met up, it was clear he was interested in me but I had a partner. I felt torn as I always liked him but chose my partner as I wasn't going to end the relationship based on one reunion.

Over the years I thought of this guy. I have not seen him in over 10 years. I regret staying with my partner as he was very abusive. I have been single for a while now but the guy I liked is married now with a 2 year old. I would not contact him as he married so he is not available. Does anyone have any regrets about not pursuing someone? How would I know it was not meant to be? I feel quite upset right now as he was a nice guy.

LoveRosie2008 Wed 14-Sep-16 17:48:53

Because if it was meant to be he would have tried harder and not married someone else or had kids with them? Bit harsh but true.

cheeseandmarmite15 Wed 14-Sep-16 17:54:47

I dated my boss when I was in my mid 20s. He was the love of my life. He was a little bit older than I and we had a great relationship but I wasn't ready to settle down again as I had previously been with a much older man for seven years since I was 18 and now wanted to live a little. We parted on great terms and kept in touch over the years with him being in a couple of other relationships and I meeting my children's father and being with him.

Over the years the contact was less frequent but as my relationship with the children's father ended I often thought about the love of my life. I had young children to raise on my own and any thought of a relationship was put aside as I gave my children my full attention.

I also thought rather stupidly that no one would be interested in me because I had two young kids.

When my son was 10 I struck up a online friendship which turned into a relationship. This man was charming and lovely to me. Oh how wrong I was as I really didn't know rhe real him whilst we were in a long distance relationship.

I ended up moving nearly 300 miles away to be with this man in Wales. Shortly before I moved my love of my love got in contact and expressed a wish for us to meet up with a view to getting back together. I should have run to his open arms but stupidly I told him I was committed to this other man. He told me that no matter what he would be there for me and to contact him any time day or night.

I didn't stay in contact with him but did Christmas cards with his parents. Over time I didn't update my change of address and they had no way to contact me.

My relationship with them man in Wales was disastrous. He was horrible, just horrible but I soldiered on resigned to my face until the finally it finally ended. He was a bully and a cheat. I felt traumatised for a couple of years as he had worn my self esteem down so much.

When I recovered I felt overwhelmingly that it was now the right time for me and the love of my life. I hoped he wasn't with someone but when I tried to track him down I found out that he had died just two months earlier.

I cannot tell you the grief and distress I feel at discovering his death. I also grieve for what might have been between him and I. He had been single for many years and if only I had got in touch only.

If only..... two words that will haunt me forever.

StirredNotShaken Wed 14-Sep-16 18:29:36

cheeseandmarmite OMG That is such a sad story - it must have felt like a heartbreak for you. can't unscramble eggs - so to speak - though I bet you wonder daily what would have happened had you taken the chance and a giant leap of faith to be with this man. I guess there is probably an element of 'over romanticising' this relationship as it never actually happened so you can imagine how wonderful it may have been. The reality may have been quite different. I do hope it does not deter you from finding love with another man in the future - you sure have had your fair share of shitty partners. Big huts

LoveRosie2008 Wed 14-Sep-16 18:41:32

I think there is a tendency to romanticise these situations. He may of turned out to be abusive, you just don't know.

cheeseandmarmite15 Wed 14-Sep-16 21:02:14


Thank you.

Yes of course there is the possibility of only remembering the good things but to be honest there were no bad things, it was only at the time that I didn't want to settle down and he wanted to. Over the next decade either him or I were in a relationship. I thought when I committed to the guy in Wales I should finally sever contact to be fair to my new partner but I so wish I hadn't.

I found out from mutual friends that for the last years of his life he had been single and had been waiting for me in case my relationship in Wales failed. It did fail but I spent years trying to make it work.

To find out he died physically took my breath away.

The thing is, as you get older, the years fly by and I urge everyone not to stay if it's not right in a relationship as it really does take away days of your life which before you know it turn to weeks, months and then years in what seems like the blind of an eye!

I had a period of time after discovering he had died where I had panic attacks and was constantly dwelling on what might have been. I realised that my feelings and emotions weren't just at the sadness of never seeing him again and him dying relatively young but my grief was in a way selfish in that I would be alone as I thought he would always be there for me.

I now choose to remember the fantastic times we had together and to appreciate how lucky I was that i did find true love once in my life and I did experience such wonderful times in my life with someone as wonderful as him. He was the funniest man I've ever met and my memories are beautiful.

LoveRosie2008 Wed 14-Sep-16 23:21:12

sad flowers

StirredNotShaken Wed 14-Sep-16 23:22:29

You have experienced more joy than lots of married people I know! What has happened to you is incredibly sad and poignant but, in a way, you were lucky not to have had that fantastic collection of memories marred by reality...if that makes any sense. Take comfort in that <3

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